The children!

The children!

This is Little Ms. Mia and Mr. Road.

This picture is hanging on my new best friend's pocket pc as lovingly as Ms. Mia was hanging on to her and refuse to let her leave.

What Could Make A Weekend

There are things that I could do to lighten the weekend.
This is it. And 8.00 pm, chequered flag.

Now every Race Day, is my day. Oh yes, and also CSI Supreme Sunday slot. My time. A me time.

Good Afternoon

Good Afternoon is keep flipping my phone open and looking at the charismatic Horatio looking back at me.

Good Afternoon is the team asking me to join them for lunch.

Good Afternoon is being with the team and havin June text me to say she's smiling big while reading my blog.

Good Afternoon is having June keep telling me I turn my frown queen into laughing bubble.

Good Afternoon is having June on MSN Mess while I am weirdly wired at a usually crowded weekend people at Planet Starbucks.

Good Afternoon is having June point out that my lap has infrared and I can take pictures with my camera phone and INFRARED it to my lap and just keep uploading pictures.

Good Afternoon is having June also point out that my flip phone DOES NOT have infrared so that information is useless to me.

Good Afternoon is about having friends who reminds me what it feels like to have friends, even if virtual.

Good Afternoon is having June feel weirdly esctatic being mentioned in blog all the time with every interaction.

Good Afternoon is knowing I made a difference in the life of my frown queen. She never smiles as much as she does, when she is with me (okay, maybe with Vi too) I don't remember once, not having June laugh, if not with, at me.

Good Afternoon is knowing Steve is back this evening.

Good Afternoon is realising that I am still here. I will still be here.

Good Morning

Good morning is having my mom come into my room to make sure I am awake... and remind me that I have to go bring bacon home.

Good morning is having my parents send me to work.

Good morning is having good music. This morning it was : Design Of The Decade. Janet Jackson. Subjected to Qert's selection, his association to music and Janet is like my association with Alanis. I just buy them knowing it will be good.

Good morning is being early bird.

Good morning is waking up the jet-lagged.

Good morning is having company for breakfast. Syed has his mom. I had Kak Fuzzy. And unexpected guests.

Good morning is getting into office with the team awake and working.

Good morning is calling my new best friend, knowing she is on the way to be closer to the children and wishing her luck and send all my love through a phone line.

Good morning is knowing that my new best friend, is going to have the children anyway.

Good morning is having team members come tell you the SERVER MIGRATION is still kicking our asses from yesterday evening.

Good morning is waking up the other JL and yell at him.

Good morning for the other JL is being asleep while the potatoes are in session.

Good morning for me is having outlet to yell at. #*&$!#&%! server migration has screwed up my inbox.

Good morning is uploading my Mobile Office Tools onto lap and going to Qert's office to steal his cables, coz I lost mine.

Good morning is receiving news that an accident just happened and both hotels are rushing to the aid of the poor innocent victim.

Good morning is me, rushing to crime scene to want to look at blood.

Good morning is having feel-good text messages.

Good afternoon... now.. that is having Jason Lai the "niggah" returning my DVDs. At least I know one thing about this weekend... Not only just Race Day.. It's my Taxi weekend!

Saturday afternoon

Blogger alert!

That is this blogger's regular evening drink. I've never been here to blog in the afternoon before. I didn't realise this seat is so bright and my eyes hurt. I am almost squinting. I should have brought my bumble bee retro sunglasses.

This, getting comfortable to begin blogging, is what I will start with..

That is my to-go grande hot chocolate, extra whipped cream. And my own spoon to scoop and lick. Ah, yes.. That's my fixed flip. (applicable to phone only)

Luc Besson's Best

Korben Dallas: We need to find the leader, Mangalores won't fight without the leader.
Aknot: One more shot, and we start killing hostages!
Korben Dallas: That's the leader.
Aknot: Send someone to negotiate.
Fog: [as Dallas looks at him] Uh, I-I've never negotiated before.
Korben Dallas: Do you mind if I try?
Fog: No, sure, sure, sure.
[shouts]
Fog: We're sending somebody in to negotiate!
[Corben walks into the room and shoots Aknot between the eyes. As he falls, the other Mangalores drop their weapons and bow over him, keening]
Korben Dallas: Anybody else want to negotiate?
Fog: Wh-where did he learn to n-negotiate like that?
President Lindberg: [looking at General Munro] I wonder.

Right..

Many things ryhmes with right.. tight.. sight.. drop a letter, add a letter.. sigh..

Horatio Caine is a really complex person. Without realising, I pause too long between words, unconsciously doing a Horatio..

I don't like Horatio as a David, I like Horatio as fiction. Then it can get as good as it gets. He's perfect.

Yes, June. Regardless what you want to say to that, HE IS PERFECT. Even if not to you, or anybody else for that matter.

(I should have made the picture bigger...)

Brilliant work

If it wasn't a Wong Karr Wai, I would not have watched it. After watching it, I have been searching high and low for the soundtrack.

Now this is what I call sheet music.

Thank you, Christopher Doyle for the artistic values. The best cinematographer I've come across in movies..

The Couch

From where I am... The Couch seems awfully tempting.. Friday night..

As mindless as the words that made my new best friend cried... I meant it when I said it.

This one's for you

One hero in my life.

Thank you.

This coming weekend...

And I don't know how to drag myself through it..

Keeping a blog is like keeping track of a shit list. Maybe Qert said it right. I need to switch mode. Yet this is my outlet. For not being able to blow some steam, for not being able to have a real good session...

I was reading through it and it got me really heavy. And the Xanax I am carrying looks awfully tempting.

I went for my first breathing right wrongly at 5.00 pm. Before that, I stopped by to look for Lynn. She's left. She's left without a goodbye. And that is the one closure I would need to resolve myself. Lynn is leaving the company for the second time. Her calling came..

I went to search out Chairwoman. Not found where she normally is. I walked into my new best friend. She walked straight into my arms and we both stood there, in embrace. Despite what the rest of the team was saying, we were holding on to each other. She needed the strenght, I needed the proximity. She's not leaving tonight. She's leaving early tomorrow morning. She needs more strength and patience.

"Please can we go pollute?"

No, honey. I just came from there.

"Please, I need a drink and some pollution"

No, honey. No more. What I need is a stiff straight up.

"Can you get me a stiff straight up?"

Do you want me to slap you now or later?

"Please... Shine.."

I have to go.

"Shine... keep me strong.."

That goes without saying, honey...

She kissed my cheeks and we left the embrace.

And all the eyes around us pops. My new best friend is not a touchy feely person. We're both loud people. But when we lock in embrace and speak silently to each other, it was an inexplicable connection that we had. No one I know has that with me. Not even Chairwoman. Not even the girls I grew up with. Just my new best friend, and me...

A little bit later, I went downstairs to search out Chairwoman again. Her pager was beeping and she was running around. I went to sit next to my new best friend.

Do I look tired or sickly?

"No, honey... You look the best you could ever look... Has someone been telling you shit?"

Yes, a few comments. But it's nothing. Don't worry about me.

"But do I look like shit?"

No, honey... You don't...

"I need my soya bean milk.."

I need to get laid...

And it was at that point that I couldn't believe how stupid I was to talk about that, of all things. She broke down in front of the pc. She broke down in front of me. I went to hold her. And she had waterfall streaming down her beautiful beautiful face... And at that point, I wanted to stab myself with a rusty knife. Stupid silly Shine. Why did you go and say that?!!

She cried so hard and quietly. And I just kept holding her.

Honey, I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to say that. It was stupid of me. I'm sorry.. I wasn't thinking. Please... Don't...

And as I said it, I had crystalising moments. I am making my new best friend cry. Of all people, I am making her cry. Me. Relevant me. Making her cry.

"My mascara is running!! ha ha ha"

Honey...

"Shine, I'm okay. It isn't you.."

Honey...

She pushed me away.

And I just had to go and do that.. And I just had to go and speak without thinking and make her cry.

Zero was right when he called me a care-giver.. at least with my new best friend it was right.. And yet with my every interaction with her, I just need more strength to stop being selfish and give. Unconditionally. I'm just not my namesake when I'm with her.

I remember how we both met. Through coincidence. Our first shared laughter rang throughout B1 and my sweet china doll could hear me from around the corner. September 2005. I was standing at B1 looking at the pictures. Then this person came and stood next to me. Then pointing to a blank spot on the pictures she said, "Isn't he the most good looking man you've ever laid eyes upon?"

I have never had another girl speak to me that way before, breaking my state. I hate unwanted attention.

Why, yes.. He is.. Don't you think?

And we both started laughing. And we laughed so loud. Then we introduced ourselves.

On annual dinner night, she was on Chelle's performance team. After her award-winning performance, she came and stood next to me saying... "If I am not mistaken, that was the good looking man we were both looking at!" And she pointed to one of the big potatoes. And we both laughed till we nearly split our seams. "Come, I'm going to go grab a beer and chat him up!"

With that courage, I watch her go about her feat. I had a big smile on my face because that's what she did... She walked up to him, with her beer and introduced herself. I remember looking at that and nodding an approval. She looked across the room and smiled at me.

It was something I would do. That was a me. And she was that.

I'm sorry I made you cry. It wasn't my intention. I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you. And I will not hurt you. I will keep praying for you this weekend. Keep you strong. I would love to be able to take Ms. Mia and Mr. Road out again. I will remember to be mindful on our next interaction.. Thank you for being in my life, for being the person who finishes my sentences and reminding me that we're on stage. I love you.

Getting it right..

With music, it's very sensitive. Although with my own MEAT, I still want/need to know that where I am, I have good music.. So with being at Planet Starbucks last night, they had John Mayer and awful cover of Sting's Fields of Gold.

Being away from the lobby that is no longer mine, and a place where the band knows my song and pattern, was a change. Being away from the lounge Rooney and I make ourselves comfortable at, with him "buying" the drinks.. It was a change... Certainly a change.

Being at Planet Starbucks last night, Joe watched me walk in and made my usual evening order. He sent my order to my table. With spoon and extra napkins. Such is people, who are familiar with your preference. I've known Joe for about 5 years now. And my morning and evening drinks, he has always remembered.

I don't know many people who gets table service at Planet Starbucks. I don't think The One on The Couch gets it. They may know his drink and his name, but they have never ever bought him Venti Mocha Frappucinos. Just me.

Thank you for Joe still being at Planet Starbucks. Where familiarity does not breed contempt, because I have very specific requirements for my Planet Starbucks dosage. Thank you for not putting me through tedious repetition of getting my coffee right. It's too early in the morning. I may not handle it. Thank you..

Breakfast fellowship agenda

Lord of Breakfast Fellowship would normally arrive first to have a table booked for us. Followed by the second person to arrive, normally Syed with my new friend (his jacket) and then me. Occasionally we would have Sweet "I-Want-Ice" Sharon. Qert no longer makes breakfast appearances. He has given up evangelising to us. Because his half boiled eggs never arrive anyway.
Usually Jin-I-wannabe-dorg-next-life would start. And I would continue. As he would say it, "Please take the makan time to eat and not talk". And more often than not, the two of them would let me talk to myself and then they talk to each other.

And yes, we share food. What's a fellowship for if there's no sharing?

And no, Qert, I didn't call you A pork chop. You could never be a singular pork chop. You must be at least 5 dozens of servings of pork chop. So if you ask me again if I did call you a pork chop, I did not.

I would never define something so overwhelming into a singular minute adjective.

As - George Michael & Mary J. Blige.

Say, Mary does some great duets. She did One with Bono. As in, she did one with Bono doing One. And no, Jin, I wasn't being redundant. Sigh. I'm sick and tired of justifying myself.

Just let me know when I can move the BMW films into my (still is) lap. I want The Follow by Wong Karr Wai and of course, Beat The Devil. You can keep the John Woo and Frankenheimer's. Not my thang.

Brilliant work. It was from these BMW films that you truly realise that Clive Owen is a performer.

Alanis Morissette - The Collection

Posting : 13th March 2006

This was what she wrote on the insides of the album cover :

It took a while for me to come up with which songs would best belong in this collection...

A torturous thing to do... a lot of artists appropriately consider their songs to be their children... I consider them to be rooms in my house, all of which have distinct smells, memories, textures and energies. Some of these songs are more recognizable, while others were never, formally released as singles, but hold a soft spot in my heart. To consider them my favorites wouldn't take into account that my favorites can change as I do (sometimes every hour or week!)

So this is a great overview or snapshot of the last many years, providing some objectivity, and some slate-cleaning inspiration for where I'm about to go as I continue to chronicle the unfolding of my life and my personal observations. It has been a privilege and a gift beyond description this, and I offer them to you to make your own, and take whatever comfort or love or upliftment (or nothing!) they may offer you. I thank spirit for my ability to sing and express whatever emerges in the inner landscape of my humanity. And for this incredible lifetime, which feels like an artistic and humorous road continuing to line up before me.
Yum yum to it all.

big love to you on your journey,
alanis morissette

This weekend..

Many things are happening this weekend.

1. For my new best friend, hearing begins this weekend.
2. For Flip, that's something I'm not looking forward to.
3. It's Race Day this Sunday!
4. Steve gets back into town.

I had an okay morning, with things speeding by me at the speed of sound. It was one report after another. Besides that, things were okay.

The ego landed this morning and I had first hand info. I subsequently got up and replied, pleasantly. Then, onwards to breakfast fellowship.

I don't know.. something is off today. Oh, it's just Chairwoman. She's off today. But something besides Chairwoman is off today. It was that want to see my bed.

Time after time, the phone would ring and I would need to report. I've never had so much reporting to do. And sharing the lift with Zero this evening, he told me.. things are always by choice. Yes, but who's choice are you subjected to?

I thank him anyway for his valuable insight. I wasn't about to break into conversation with him.

I sat briefly at The Couch this evening. I needed to go somewhere and breath the smell of coffee. To cleanse me a little. I went back to the office, a floor where it was a stellar cast on performance. And I stay away. Prevention is better than cure. You don't need this quicksand.

I don't feel so much into blogging today. Nothing was happening. Except that the calls I keep receiving. "Hi, are you home yet?" "Hi, what time are you leaving the office?" "Are you going to go home?" "Is there a reason why you're out? when I'm not around?"

No. No idea. Yes. No.

I'm weirdly wired at my favourite joint, Planet Starbucks. And I like this Solitaire, even if it's the only game in town.

Last night I took a cab home. Although I carry my own music with me all the time, the cabbie was playing this particular CD with Wonderful Tonight, Glory of Love and something else. I've forgotten. Like Flip, I have a copy day.

Connection today at Planet Starbucks is like crap.

Alanis Morissette - King of Pain

I realise that the movies that truly makes me laugh out loud is with Jason Lai. And that "niggah" has yet to return it, after a year.. ? Jase, I cannot believe that with the offer of my Godfather trilogy you would not return my Taxi series! Remind me to slap you when I see you again.

I caught my new best friend when I was heading out of the building on the way to the coffee joint. She walked out to buy her dosage of soya bean milk, and was about to text me ask me to pollute with her. Like the feathers we are, I walked into her. With no accident with the milk or that heavy piece of s**t I lug around. I sat down with her, and we went through pictures of Ms. Mia and Mr. Road. And she was going, "Kiss!! Kiss!!!!" "I'm going to have another one, if you gotta go, just go" and as I was about to walk away.. "HUG!!" Oh, sorry.

I wanna blog Ms. Mia. Can you send me the picture where she was looking at her big bulging belly?

"Sure, honey"

With your permission..

"My children are as much yours like they are mine.." As she said that, she was going to crystalise.. And I know what pain it was that Rizz is doing this to her. He never wanted Ms. Mia and Mr. Road. He's just doing this to get to her. And the hearing is this weekend. "Keep praying for me, Shine..."

Yes, I will.. I'll keep you strong. Hang in there, baby..

*hugz*

Night after night, I ask for strength and patience. I've been asking for all the wrong things. Night after night, I ask for forgiveness. If I could not forgive, I should probably forget.

Going Home

Thanks to Flip, I decided to run away with the lap and move it to Planet Starbucks to test the hotspotz. I know I know.. circle of concern vs circle of influence. It's alright. Just that Flip knew how to maneuver me.

The point is, I uploaded pictures of my children and most of Qert. I also have a Qert-lection folder but I won't share it this time. I'll share it the next time Qert wants to cry (not because I stole the keys to Frostie)

Mom just called. Worried that I wasn't home yet. This place, where it's all bright and buzzing, try picturing Petula Clark's Downtown.

When Qert moved the content on the skinless portable hard drive that I was temporarily using unto my lap, he named my folder : Shine's Crap.

I pretty much feel like that. Only thankful that I still have Frank's Monologue from Live at The Sands. On both Pods. I'm not taking any chances. Not when it comes to Frank.

Rizz was fighting for custody of the children. And my new best friend is completely pained through it all. I saw her this evening, after she bumped into the door opening inwards, and she walked into it. It was a symptom. I have that shit. I do that kinda shit. And I saw it in her. They say birds of a feather...

Currently playing on miniature Pod : Careless Whisper. Sentimental because it was the first song I learn how to sing. I was 4.

She's been on duty since this morning and already started walking into unopened lift at 6 pm. And I know it coz she keeps rubbing her temples, not from a headache. The only headaches she has at the moment is from Rizz.

She threw her focus off shit and into work. I think many of us could relate to that. I mean, I'm still sitting at Planet Starbucks.

There are only 3 happy songs in this miniature Pod. That's probably how many times in probability that I would let myself get, happy. Coz you know something always comes to burst your bubble. And yes, Lynn, that evening, when I put you on that guilt trip and burst out in tears, it was because you were interrupting me. It wasn't because you did that thing you did.

I was at Qert's comfortable office, about to stare into that lamp and get right back there and make wantan... Lynn walked in and broke my state. I was about to kill her, but managed to changed it to a guilt trip. Thanks, Lynn, for the phone call today. I'm good. I sometimes didn't realise what an amazing First Class performer I am. Qert could read me like an open book.

Don't call my bluff so soon. I like Lynn's hugzz!

1. As - George Michael & Mary J. Blige
2. Mony Mony - Billy Idol
3. Unbelievable - EMF

Before I worry that two old person, I'm going to shut down now and go. Before I get another panicked call.

Good night, and good luck. (George, you did a good one)

Clearly Minted

Picture taken 18th July 2005.

Bapa tiri at my desk, Qert at his desk. And that money, was my float money. All 5k of it. And Qert stole it for a picture.

I miss my old office already.

Stare Cock

This is the picture that always get Lord of Breakfast Fellowship, Jin-I-Wannabe-Dorg-Next-Life laughing. We call it the Stare Cock picture.

Qert is very good at doing that. Chelle just got in the way of the picture. That is Jin's cock, Qert's stare and my artistic picture. The lines, not industry burns, is from my polluted cloud.

Cheers, Qert, for being here. At Jin's farewell and at Carol's farewell, to let me take these amazing pictures. Kudos.

First, Break All The Rules

This is part of the brainwashing I got slightly before I left. When I walked into the wrong meeting and stayed at the wrong meeting.

First, Break All The Rules : What The World's Greatest Managers Do Differently by Marcus Buckingham & Curt Coffman

This was the book that Rooney went to 3 different bookstore and was informed that they are fresh out of stock. The next shipment won't arrive till.. god knows when. Rooney shared frustrations with me over the last 5 days I was with the tower.

And knowing me and my weakness for books, (actually the smell of new books) I went to Kino and took up 2 copies. One for me, one for Rooney.

Should be an interesting read.

Oh, yeah... I was calling because I wanted to tell you I got a copy of "First, break all the rules". I wasn't sure if corporate actually shared to say this was a textbook study for all Managers. I'm sharing just in case, you'd like to check it out and share with the rest of us who is not part of "The World's Greatest Managers"

Some of us are part of the food chain that is dispensable. Some of us, make effort to stay afloat. Some of us, hold the line. Some of us, send in our infantries to complete the mission.

Some People - Cliff Richards

This evening Boss was commenting that the song that was playing was ancient. She remember hardly being in her teens when she heard the song the last time.. It couldn't be that old, coz I know it. And I said it, "Bobby Brown's Don't Be Cruel? It was THAT long ago?"

And she replied, "You're different. You're an old girl."

Ouch. You tell me, comparing Rolling Stones and Bobby Brown. And she calls me old.

Lenore

This is Lenore.
I have a Lenore key chain. You can imagine how it looks like. This is the picture that pops up when Boss (with signature frown) calls me.

The key chain was the reason why I always kept a jar of pins on my table. And this was the jar of pin that Kim kept hiding from me, everytime I sit them down in my office.

This Lenore pic was the one attached with my Skype profile. This was why the person I called earlier, actually called me morbid.

Lenore is not morbid. Lenore is cute. Lenore is nice. She says the loveliest things. And I quote, "Hug me or I shall destroy you".

She isn't all that bad. I bet she gets what she wants. If she is not dead already.

Lenore has cute toys too. Muffin is just one of them :)

For once

For once I am amazed that I got to test out these hotspotz. I remember being here with Chairwoman and Bone on eve of Independence Day. I spent that night and the night before that and the night after that in the tower. It was the "grand" opening. And I was so exhausted... but had time to come pick up my coffee when Chairwoman and Bone was stuck in the traffic and decided to leave the car and come use the hotspot.

For once I am amazed that I got to run away with the company lap that is NOT an obsolete piece of black crap. It was Intel Centrino and Qert, briefly in my office was so totally blown away. With the fact that I got so lucky. Don't jinx me. Now go play far far away.

I manage to load pictures on, with first attempt. I'm still riding on that good luck streak I am on.

With what little time Qert was in my new old office, he manage to fill his pocket to the brim with technology. If he could take my lap, he would have.

So, Frostie, PSP (Horatio-loaded), pocket pc, v3i, he's pretty much loaded up. Yes, also in sense of mint.

For once, blogspot was not kicking me off the page every 5 sentences.
For once, I am at a designer coffee place with my lap (till this weekend) my gargantuan Pod, my miniature Pod, my thumb, I'm like every person I use to look at from the view of The Couch.

For once, I made a decision to leave office but to miss CSI. Wednesday night. I could catch Grey's Anatomy and still hope to feel good at the end of today.

I had a lunch-pick-me-up that I couldn't complaint about. Except when Chairwoman saw me and almost scooped me up to join lunch bus. Sorry darling, this bus is leaving on a different route.

For once, I caught my new best friend over polluted air and she updated me on what's been going on in her world. If all men were like the one she just left, this world would be filled with trash. I cannot go through this for her, I can only hold her hand and pray for her. I did that. I'm going to keep doing that. For as long as I could.

For once, when I think everything with me is going alright with the space and the freedom for the week, my new best friend and Chairwoman was having sucky weeks. And for once, I find myself at the end of June's text messages in the night...

Thank you for not keeping me up. I wouldn't have liked to keep me up in the condition I was in last night.

Mac couldn't keep me up. Mac couldn't do shit to get to me. Like Rick said, "If I gave you any thought, I probably would" (the scene where Ugarte asked if Rick despiced him) I needed a reason to leave the office last night, and for once, Mac was it.

My days has been good since my return to my new old office. I spoke to at least 5 persons from the past today and they all reminded me how great it was to be hearing from me again. And I was so funny. (in the most painful ways)

Hey! I'm back in my new old office!!

"What? You never fail to amuse me with your words. It's normally either morbid or just.. weird"
Oh?

"Yeah, I always found you weird. But thanks for calling.."

For once, I didn't know if that was the outcome I was aiming for when I made that phone call.

For just this one time, I made a trip back to my old office, my old lobby, and all my children gathered around me with kisses and hugs. Except the newly appointed one who was on duty. One of the ones in the earlier picture. I so did not expect that.

Places in food chains do very funny things to people.

At the end of the day, Qert keeps saying.. means to an end, girl... means to an end..

The Lunch & The Dinner

This was the entire team for lunch and dinner.
Kim is not in the dinner picture, coz he was holding the camera. Planet people are too busy to entertain us...

6 pax lunch, 6 pax dinner.

The boys

This is the boys.

The guy in the middle at the back, he's part of the painting...

Pictures

I've been dying to post pictures of my farewell lunch and dinner with my boys and girls.
However connection has been ghastly. I have not been successful. Will try to switch, probably not successful.

We'll see.

CSI : NY tonight.

Saturday Night

Ben Traupin also wrote a song re Saturday Night. Elton John's One Night Only, performed with Bryan Adams.

I left June because my pick up called me. I went home to my bed and fell into it, into slumber.
I didn't wake up until 9ish. I was informed that I wasn't required for the night. I was going to fall back into sleep if it wasn't that I was hungry.

Mom gave me looks and I knew what she wanted me to do. Ohkay. So I showered and dressed to go out. Casual jeans and long sleeves top. There, obscure. Let's go.

I had to leave, and it was only slightly pass midnight. I had to leave. I was breaking down in cold sweat. I need to leave. We took our leave, to the displeasure of many. I had to. I'm sorry, but I had to.

I was showered, and in bed by 1.00 am to indistinct words, or grumble. Was not certain.

I woke up Sunday morning to a great notion, I am going to church. I am back!

Out of the tower...

After a heavy duty (and I mean literally heavy, thanks to my despatch bag) Friday night, Chairwoman and Aust walked me to my next Operator-I-need-an-exit point. Wasn't really Friday night, morel like Saturday morning.. I was home and showered by 2.00 am.

Saturday morning, I was in office by 8.30 am. Cleared my desk, didn't even bother to wipe it. And took my box to declare. Mom and dad picked me up from office, for the 2nd time, I was leaving this property with this same box.

I had June book tickets for two movies back to back. Both, her choices, at her choice of location, her choice of times. I was just there for the convenience. June booked two Disney movies. Both, with the intention for me to laugh as loud as I could, as crazy as I want to, and just take 5 and be. Thank you, June for the thoughtfulness. What was I thinking wanting to spend the day all curled up at home. Thank you for making me come out and have a good time.

Easter Weekend

I went back to church on Easter. I also took Steve with me.
That, was as amazing as Easter Sunday was and I'll leave it at that.

Sunday evening was eventful. I had a nap in the afternoon and I stuck to the tv all the way till 11 pm. I watched Ladder 49 and something before that. Then CSI Supreme Sunday. I didn't stay up to watch Horatio.. I had to make sure I had enough time to take a downer and let it work for 8 hours.

I woke up today to a new job, a familar office and promise of a better direction.

Pick-me-up

It was difficult hosting lunch and dinner for my children. Both times I thought they were gonna get me so emotional. I didn't take any Happy Pills and I did it. I didn't turn oily.

I was spectacular. That is what I want them to remember me by. I am outstanding.

Yes, I may have walked into the door a few times, I may have neighbouring bell team bang the bell cart on my face and I stay swollen and hidden the entire evening, I may have had some pretty amusing stories about falling down and what it was like 6 years ago and now.

My pick-me-up yesterday was a McLaren. It was 6 minutes of time-out from this mess I used to call my desk. It was a welcomed walk out of my lobby (yesterday the lobby was still mine) into the drizzle.

Thank you for everything. For that Flip I hold in my hand, for that obsolete device, for the encouragement, for the silence, for the understanding, for the warmth.

Thank you.

Saturday Morning

"Anything to declare?"

Yes, how about going from 16 children to having only 8?

How about a handshake and wish me gluckst? Then again, that's probably not their style. They are too cold and reserved for things like that.

Don't bother, you're better than that.

Feeling of..

I don't know how to feel. I remember going up to Mrs. Marshall's room and still feel their presense. I remember how that felt. But when I went up this evening, for my last round after my last hour tour.. I didn't know if I was happy or sad to leave.

My children took turns hugging me, I didn't go and see my Housekeeping children, they would have unabashedly shed tears.

No, Shine. Walk out of there. Go out with the team and have fun.

"Keep your chin up and keep smiling." You know that's what Mentor would have wanted.

Combat

I recently bought the Sun Tzu's Art of War. And Steve said, "I thought you go to work everyday, I didn't realise you are going to war everyday..."

No, I am not going to war. But knowing me and knowing Zero, it is a book on my to-read list..

Last night I went home and made my space in front of tv, with my Band of Brother Disc 1. It felt good, just like how it used to. It made me feel good.. Good enough to say, you should sleep now, feeling good... When there are people like Sobel out there, there are also people like Winters out there. Be thankful Sobel is not leading you into combat. And I fell asleep, waking up every 2 hours and checking the time..

It's Friday. It's Good Friday. It's you leaving on Good Friday. And keep remembering, this day next month, it's your wedding ceremony.

I almost couldn't breath.

R & R : Reflect & Repent

Reflect :
- No matter what happened, you had your coffee on The Couch with Flip who is working on the loose flip
- No matter what happened, you had CY who came to get you for lunch (unsuccessfully)
- No matter what happened, CY got you a drumstick to chew on
- No matter how many times you said you were gonna throw them out, they did not damage your room (that badly)
- No matter how much you tried reaching out, you still had guidance (even if it was someone not wearing the pin)
- Regardless being handicapped from your work phone and deemed totally irresponsible, you did your job
- Even when you decide to move the hi-fi away against everyone's want, you were honest with yourself
- When you wanted a place to go yell your lungs out, you hold the key to open a hundred doors
- When you hate the miniature Pod, it had Irene Cara's What A Feeling, and you associate better times with this song. Diamond Seats, Stadium of Champions, Anthony Robbins' Unleash The Power Within. You are a Firewalker!
- Your children is still yours tomorrow...

Quentin Tarantino : The Definite Work

This morning as I showered to come to work, I realised that I haven't even watched the 2 hour finale of CSI : Vegas directed by Quentin Tarantino. I only saw one scene.

The black and white autopsy scene.

That was a classic Tarantino, if it was anymore Tarantino, it wouldn't have made it to tv.

I also have Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2 on this gargantuan Pod. But no Pulp Fiction, no Reservoir Dogs and no Natural Born Killers.

Doc Robbins : "Would you like to do the Y incision?"

David : "Y not?"

One of those days..

One of those days where none of my pick-me-ups work anymore. I am tempted to take my Happy Pills. I do not want to sit here at 9.00 pm deciding if I have done enough for today to let me get some rest.

The gargantuan Pod has many many soundtracks, and I have always been a soundtrack person. xXx didn't work, Blade didn't work, S.W.A.T didn't work, The A-Team didn't work, Mcgyver didn't work, Southpark didn't work, Aerosmith didn't work, Mission Impossible didn't work, Frank didn't work, George didn't work, Sade didn't work, Chilli Palmer didn't work, Jamiroquai didn't work. Nothing worked.

I worked. I worked my best. I tried to work my best. I even went up to Penthouse 3 poolside to scream my lungs out, that didn't work too.

All I wanted was my Alanis Morissette. If I feel like shit already, I couldn't feel any worse than listening to Alanis Morissette. Two antidote that I haven't tried, my Band of Brothers collection and The Fifth Element.

That I Would Be Good

You are far when I could have been your star
You listened to people who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough to think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

Ditto.

I hope in these trying times that I will also no longer go hide in Qert's comfortable office and make wantan on his floor.

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good whether with or without you

Ladies & Gentlemen : From The Heart

You Are Far when I could have been your star
You listened to people who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough to even make a start
But you'll never find peace of mind till you listen to your heart

People you can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will if you let them
Steal your heart from you
People will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye but please don't take my heart

You are far I'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces and mend my heart
Maybe I'll be strong enough I don't know where to start
But I'll never find peace of mind while I listen to my heart

But remember this every other kiss
That you ever give long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you like I always do
There's something there that can't compare with any other

The End Is Near

Before the end consumes me, I had to breath right. I haven't been breathing right wrongly at all today. I haven't found the time to. I was almost breaking.

Give me strength at these trying times...

I moved the hi-fi from my table away. Now, just my Shuffle and my Pod. I don't think the hi-fi would be safe in the office with no constant person in this office anymore. It's going to be cold, it's going to be void, it's going to be a lonely pianist, singing a lonely song, to a quiet lounge and to children I can no longer call my own.

All the things that anchored me, Chairwoman, June and her always laugh-at-me funnies, my new best friend, lunch, drawn-on laugh lines, nothing today... Nothing..

Silver linings : my anchoring triple shot latte, gotten right (almost like a signature Bond Martini, specific) and The Couch.

Sharing my MEAT

... Is a very sensitive thing...

Territorial me isn't about to let go of my single-mode Shuffle, my gargantuan Pod and my JVC player in the office that plays mp3 and DVD.

Rooney wanted to have my hi-fi. Since I already carry my Shuffle all the time, and have my Pod at my desk, all the time... Rooney pointed out that I already have music overdose. And I told him I wasn't about to share my MEAT.

"Meat?"

Yeah, my MEAT. I'm not about to share my MEAT!

"Yeah... so what's your meat?"

MEAT : Music - Essential Anchoring Tool

"I'm sure you heard or read that somewhere. You're not so smart to come up with things on your own."

Now I am thankful for leaving this place. I am thankful that I will no longer subject myself to words of such. I am thankful that I will no longer get involved in the process of helping him choose plants for the lounge, chinaware for the lounge, display shit for the lounge.

Sorry, my friend. I am not so smart to come up with things, why don't you go ask someone else to give you an opinion?

It isn't so bad..

Wednesday wasn't made easy.

It first started with the meeting that was scheduled for me in the afternoon without my knowledge, and then receiving an email informing me that I should make myself available.

Then it was, having June bring me some funny DVDs and I left them.. somewhere. June kept it and informed me where it is, all afternoon, I haven't had time to go collect it. This is me, who once said, no bridge is going to come between me and The Mayat. What am I saying, was. This WAS me.

Then it was The Meeting.

And then everything subsequently happened after The Meeting.

But then there is The CSI night, The Grissom night, The Sport night, The Home Alone night.

You've done good today, Shine.. Stop killing your beloved children, give them a break and go home.. Just because you're hungry doesn't mean you can eat your children alive. Spare them before no one will come to your farewell dinner.

Two more days, counting down!

The wonderful things about Wednesday :)

Eventhough I breakfast fellowshipped alone in the drizzle, I bought June breakfast.

Eventhough I didn't get my collection of DVD from June, we still had a laugh about how stupid I can be, or how funny I can be, or how amazing I can be when she is laughing at me, not with me.

Eventhough I didn't want to have lunch to be able to attend The Meeting angry and decision-less, I had lunch with CY because she is good for me. For my being, for my stomach, for my non-stop talking, coz she listened...

Eventhough I didn't want to attend The Meeting, it was held in homeground, which was familiar for me and I know I have to do this, and do this good, for my children... I may not be here, but everything that I have done here, will be in living memory with my children..

Eventhough I didn't want to do this, I am doing this because I have to tell myself, the end is near... The bright light at the end of this tunnel.. (Say did you watch Daylight? It's one of my feel-good movies)

Breathing right wrongly..

Sometimes certain things are liberating to me. I found a way to breath right. The wrong way to breath right. I remember going for UPW and AR® thought us that the first key to living right, is to breath right.

Everytime I take a deep breath, a cloud of polluted air follows.
Sheesh, this job is turning me into a conscious polluter.

I know I have never made the decision to quit. Be it a social smoker, a regular smoker, still a smoker.. Until before this month, I was only taking a conscious 2 a day. Today, I take 6 a day.

This is Ms. Constantine. June calls me that, Chairwoman calls me that and even Rooney who goes, "YOU SMOKE?!"

Oh another thing, I haven't found 5 minutes to go take a ciggie break today. I've been good... Wait, I have 5 mins now! *evil grin*

Tuesday Thoughts

Tuesday was mainly spent in the company of other thoughful wanna be scholars. I was up early, (early in my definition, as I didn't have to go to work) and was waiting around for mom to come home so we could go out for lunch, just the two of us.

Mom and dad went jogging.

We went out at about 11.30 am, for brunch, lunch, books, bubble teas and lots of walking and talking.

As we went from bookstore to bookstore in the sunny quiet parts of KL city, I could almost hear my thoughts loud, speaking to me like my conscience. I was only glad that my mom didn't hear it.

Spending the day with her was amazing. I was her little girl, and I'll always be her little girl. No compromise, no judgement, nothing. Everything I could ever want, they provided.. I was their little girl with trophies and smiles and ribbons and leotards. Sigh.

My parents didn't do such a bad job raising me and my sis, I think they did a wonderful job. I didn't really want to throw myself off the building, I know I did some crazy stunts when I was 18, but that was it.. I've moved on.

Panicked phone call..

I normally leave my mobile on vibrate. I slept by 11 pm yesterday. It was a success that I caught Part 2 of CSI : Grissom last night.

Sometime after midnight, my mobile started vibrating. My fear is, the hotel. Steve's fear is, someone! Albeit for the separate beds, he jumped up and was right next tome as I took the call. Because it wasn't the hotel.

It was my father-in-law.

I was so tired, but hearing his voice woke me up. And after a brief few sentence, he launched into Hokkien, and I passed the mobile to Steve.

My sister-in-law left my brother-in-law in the middle of the night after 2 consecutive days of arguements. And baby Crystal, is at my in-laws. My sister-in-law threatened to drive down immediately to have Crystal back to herself and away from our "psycho" family.

Sleepless night...

Father was worried over two things, the condition my sister-in-law is in, she probably isn't fit to drive in that state of mine. And over the safety of Crystal when she is in that state.

I called Jerri Berry with some legal issues counselling and tried to speak to Father to help ease his worries. Throughout the night, Father could only keep repeating that Cyndi was wrong. Cyndi is always wrong. Bla Bla Bla.. I just listened... and the both of us stayed up talking to the two of them..

We had difficulties falling back to sleep because knowing this now, and that Father would probably not rest till all these are sorted out.. And baby Crystal in the middle of it all...

Have you truly thought about this already?

Wisdom

... My dad has this knack of jinxing us.. Dad was recounting the incident of "the last time we had buffet.." over dinner last night. Behold! Mom is down with sore throat and fever. Hmph.

So much for my dad making me proud last night. He behaved socially. As long as he doesn't drive, we are all save (you reading this, included)

Devour this : If you eat off someone else's plate, there are no calories.

If someone else is footing the bill, there are also no calories.

Not you usual elephant jokes.

I'm currently a little G sensitive. So much for "arm in arm" and some sweet charm. That's been crossed out in this equation.

Simple Together..

I thought we'd be sexy together
Thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
Thought we'd be adventurous togethter
But I was sadly mistaken

Thought we'd be exploring together
Thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
Thought we'd be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken

This is the second time this lyrics has been posted in my blog. I think Alanis said it best. I could not have found another song that I could relate to so well, even if I have moved on.

Simple Together

You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And i can't stop bumping into things

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken

You've been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew god's face was handsome
With you I suffered an expansion

This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And I can't stop dropping everything

Catch your breath!

My new best friend's shock was that if my second phone would vibrate. And then she knows it's bad for me. Her eyes went big and her breath caught, she gave me a look that even I want to wither. She thought my second phone vibrated.

But we know that's not about to happen. And she doesn't have to worry about me getting hurt anymore. Or me tearing in front of her again.

You can make me feel as good as you want to, and you can make me feel as bad as you'd like to. Eitherway, I hope you're happy.

With my new best friend, her mistake was : when x and y bothers you, do z

My mistake was : when x bothers you, do x anyway

Alanis vs Seal

Crazy > The One said that this was one of the songs that defined the 80s. The one also said that Alanis did her organic version quite well and possibly better than the original.

It's not often that The One gives compliments. I must say it is unprecedented.

Saturday afternoon, I was home by 3 pm. The teary lunch with my new best friend sort of helped me to decide that I should haul ass back home. My new best friend said so many things, we both were relating and un-relating what is going through our crazy life.. She wanted to know who was the person.

Who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or aren't you the kind that tells?

I slept all Saturday afternoon. I was home alone and figured it was the easiest way for me to pass Saturday alone. I will need all my energy for Saturday night. We were going out for dinner.

Saturday void

On Saturday morning, I woke up feverish. And I wasn't about to call in sick. I didn't feel like Tyler Durdan. I couldn't even hold a frown for 2 seconds. The only thing I was holding was my fever temperature.

I had a few run-ins with JL who commented that I look really really upset. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to look upset. I have a fever that won't go away. I had this light-headedness and I kept walking into the door, into the lift when the lift door has not opened, walked around the corner and lose my bearings walking into someone's trolly.

I went to the Dr's office, I didn't even know what I said or what happened, but he prescribed me a 4 letter word. No, not work, REST.

He also gave me some Xanax, my Happy Pills and some downers.

I left after a teary pit-stop lunch with my new best friend. She was talking about Ms. Mia and Mr. Road, I was thinking why in the world she is putting the children thru this. And she is so excited that she is seeing them this coming Saturday...

Oh.. I give up! *roll my eyes*

Friday night, two drinks and some tears later, Rooney's convinced me that I am indeed a sad person. Before we both sat down for drinks, we were with the big G's of a cock. Yes, he's coming to save the day. Yes, he did his "No, I don't like this.... I also don't like that....." speech.

I wonder why Rooney spends so much time impressing him, or selling his ideas and concept to someone like that. We spent all afternoon picking out the right chinaware, and in 15 seconds, the big G shot us down. I was laughing out loud when he turned down all our ideas and our choice of chinaware, I was laughing in his face.

One of the sups said, "Shine.. what's wrong with you.. SHHHH.."

Oppss... I mean, I'm sorry I laughed so loud.

"Yeah, don't laugh so loud in front of him.."

Roze, when you have nothing else to lose, you will have a totally different perspective. I hope you get there one day..

This is what I want

Yes, this is what I want. This is what I need to be the next Pink Ank. And then, my office at the end of the hall :)

It doesn't matter if you do not replace this day off for me, it doesn't matter if you do not give me any of the 6 days annual leave from last year, it doesn't matter if you want me to stay chained to my desk till Easter.

My new best friend held my hands today and did this, she smiled at me across the counter and did a "chin up" gesture. I know honey, I used to dance. For 10 years.

Mentor : "This is not a one day thing, happy today, sad tomorrow"

No. Not with the happy pills, it isn't!

Keep me sane, keep me strong, keep me loving.

"But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little Crazy
No no we'll never survive unless we get a little bit "

Moving On

Movements : back and forth, up and down, in and out...

Ah, some of us can relate :)

It was today, Pete was talking about it this afternoon, ET was informed of it from the big G's of a cock this morning, even before I knew about it.. It's alright.. Isn't it that when things relating to you happen, you're the last to know? Hasn't it always been that way?

I had calls for confirmation from more party than 1, people I did not even speak to once a week. Okay, once this week, because I walked into Ladies & Gentlemen' Meeting. They had no choice but to smile and forced a standard greeting of "Good afternoon. How are you?" and an equally forced smile from me with standard reply, "Excellent! What about you?"

Pretentious is suicidal. If being you is not suited to the uniform, you become allergic. When you become allergic, everything is a better prospect than!

I am glad to be rid of this uniform and stop pretending to be what I am not, stop being "us" and start a different collective of "us".

Toto

It was Africa by Toto, and this gargantuan first-gen Pod has the damned song of "I'll Be Over You" by Toto.

Yeah, I got the message. That's telling me something, to my face.

Hello Kitty

Thank you, June, for a wonderful gift. I don't know why you went and bought me something, but thank you for doing that.

I wore it the moment she gave me the gift. I know I am Smelly Cat, but I just didn't know Kitty cat was also part of the plot...

Pussycat, don't be jealous! You weren't the one who supplied June with both seasons of Desperate Housewives! :P

M u

It was so cute. I got this text that read : M u.

Mu, that's the name I named my frog on www.racingfrogs.org

If you watched Uptown Girls, Mu is her pet, pig. :D But in what language.. uh, I don't remember. Heh.

Unable to comply

I have been up to my eyeballs in work. Closing this one month stay of 2 units is quite something. Yet it doesn't even feel like I succeeded in anything. If I take my plastic spoon and stab myself, bleeding and letting life go slowly but surely, I would not be able to succeed in that too. I am such a complete failure.

Yes, afternoon shift today. Or whatever you want to call it.

Last night, I didn't leave office until 15 minutes to midnight. I was in such a state that even my afternoon shift left before me. And today isn't any better.

I was successful all day, with very little sms and none to him. Until 7.30 pm. 8 sms later. I knew that it was so totally wrong. I didn't feel any better, but that's only because I couldn't feel any worse than I already do.

"You shouldn't keep the sms. You have a chance to renew them everyday."

Now I know I don't.

Sad

Sad.. I went to sleep sad, and I woke up sad. It took so long for me to drag my ass out of bed that I almost called in sick. But everybody who knows me knows I am too responsible a person to do this for kicks.

I dragged my ass to work and fellowshipped alone. I had to do something to lighten up the day. It was going to be long, I might as well start the day with a full stomach. I cannot make decisions with an empty stomach. Vowing to start the day at 11 am, I was with my reports by 10 am. I need my coffee.

I went for coffee at Planet Starbucks, on The Couch with The One, without The Tie.

No, that didn't start my day very well either. It used to work. But today, it was just this black cloud that wouldn't go away. I look like Lenore. Even with having MEAT, it didn't help. I was breathing right, I was focusing on the day, I did everything I should have done at work, yet a look at my hands and you know I have been having this anxiety shit that won't go away.

I got dumped today

5th April 2006.

I got disposed today.

My new best friend : What did you expect? Yeah, I know, you mean where's the balance, right. It's like I fall, you fall.

Yeah, I got the message loud and clear. He said, "Well, to lift ur burden. U R DISCARDED. Now who is indispensable?"

What drives you?

In the evenings at about 9 pm in the office, is when I reflect on the entire day and decide, "You've done good today, and enough. There's still tomorrow.."

When I stay in the office, I put on the sunglasses Chairwoman got for me and frown. Kinda works like Cyclops' sunglasses. I haven't successfully wither any of my children yet, but some plants has been reportedly withered from the frown.

When I don't stay in the office, that means I would need a reason to go home. Last night, I called JMA across oceans to give me a reason to haul ass out of office.

"Say, do you have the new Underworld 2 on DVD yet?"

No, not enough gore.

"Hey, CSI : NY premieres tonight. Some guy fell off Empire State tower. That might be interesting for you to watch brain splatter"

Ahh... Now you're talking, my friend!

"What else do you have to do? Leave the office now! Hang up!"

I don't think I can make it home on time. If I don't call you later, I've left and is stuck on tv. If I call you later, my getaway is unsuccessful.

-[poOf]-

4 letter words

I used to like pretty faces. (ie. Kimi, Beckham, etc) Now it's just substance.

List all the 4 letter words that comes to your head first
- Work
- Stop
- Don't
- Hard
- Play
- Good

You know, you could form a sentence with the adjectives : Don't Work Hard, Stop & Play Good.

Not your usual Whine Shine

I'm Still Standing!

Ben Traupin is an amazing songwriter. He couldn't have said it any better.

There was only two encounters that kept me sane today. One an intellectual conversation, first-time check in President of PM. The other one, lunch.

I almost broke down and cried at my desk, then looked at my Happy Pill sitting at my desk... Boss would be disappointed to know I've been taking my downers, he'd be even more disappointed to know if I took this Happy Pill.

What he doesn't know can't hurt me...

Nah, I gave in with the downers, I won't give in to the Happy Pills.

It's all about conditioning. I'll let you know when I psyched myself up.. Hey wait, I feel like I could almost take on the world.

I knew you wouldn't do it, even when you have nothing to lose. You're weak, and I've outgrown you.

SNAFU

I started this morning knowing it is going to be a heavy and tough day ahead. I received my wake up call promptly at 7 am, I texted my new best friend to confirm breakfast, I got down on my knees and commit everything to His capable hands.

Qert said everything is about conditioning. Yes, of course. I thought I had me prepped.

I didn't expect so much to happen in so little time. It was FUBAR in no time.

"What else can I say. I've been here since the beginning, who better to take the fall than me?"

J : Yes.

My New Best Friend

My new best friend left the children with her mom and is starting work today. Yesterday in her urgent phone call, she said she wanted to see me before breakfast. Before she get sentenced into HR office.

Knowing it is my new best friend we're talking about, she has a habit of running out on me and leaving me out of the picture. The ball is in her court and I have always let her play it the way she prefers it.

I dragged my ass to work early this morning and I knew she was going to cancel breakfast on me. But I didn't expect her not to even give me a phone call to cancel breakfast.

She has her reasons and I will just be her emotional toilet when she needs me.

What happens when you does not have the strength to keep giving?

My Nike ACG

The ACG that has accumulated most everything.

Dirt, tear, triple shot latte, dhal, and latest of this morning, Neslo.

Jin-I-wanna-be-dorg-next-life laughed his ass off. How could I not see it coming?

I'd take a pic and post the ACGs if I had my camera on me, I owe you that.

Old habits

Old patterns, old habits, old preferences..

They don't go away no matter how much I whine about tiny 1G space in my Shuffle. With gargantuan Pod, I still end up listening to Frank Sinatra Live at The Sands and Sade's Lover's Rock on this Pod. What's the difference carrying a Pod that would fit my breast pocket vs one that will not?

Oh baby, size does matter.

Ladies & Gentlemen : Revisited

Nice and accommodating Flip got me the power cables to revive my dead weight Pod. Gargantuan as is, also dead as well. With Flip's brilliance, it's now alive and kicking (my ass)

Thanks to Qert and his impeccable taste in music (most of the albums I uploaded to his iTunes didn't get erased, except for everything Alanis Morissette... I wonder!) I manage to catch the uploaded album of Ladies & Gentlemen on this Pod.

Yes, when I get to "I Can't Make You Love Me" I will bring out that plastic spoon I keep in the drawer and stab myself.

My new best friend called me today, she just filed for divorce. Silly sod. She's only telling me this now because she knew I would have slapped her silly if she told me about this before. We both had some realising moments and confidentiality issues. I am sorry if you think you could not have talked to me about this before making the decision. I didn't realise I was arms-lenghting you.. That wasn't my intention at all.

Ladies & Gentlemen

Flashback to the silly age of 21. I had some pretty amazing gifts! This is one of them. Ladies & Gentlemen. (A most feared term wearing this flight attendant uniform I am uh, currently in)

This is a 2-cd album. For The Heart vs For The Feet.

After a disappointing Friday night, I went home to listen to For The Heart. I was going to stab myself with a plastic spoon when we get to "I Can't Make You Love Me". Thankfully, my player decided to spare us both the torture. The CD won't play anymore. It's the best thing to happen on Friday evening.

The only thing I love of Renault

This is the only thing I love about Renault. I first caught sight of it at the merchandise counter on that particularly hot race day where I was stupid enough to wear a pair of skirt.

I almost wanted to ask the counter girls if I could smell it.

Race Day

This album was a gift on my 21st birthday, because I could not afford to travel to Singapore to watch Elton perform live. It is keeping me company this Sunday.

Sundays of today, like most, is meant to corrupt the office with LOUD music. Come 12 noon, my office was silent, my music stopped playing on my hi-fi, I was not found at my desk..

Poor Button, he was so jinxed from the beginning. And what a victim of Murphy 5 metres from finishing line. I couldn't help but laugh...

Don't Look Back In Anger... Look Back And Wonder

There used to be a time when I spent hours talking with a friend, talking about burning bridges. I think for him, he did do it. Because he has always invited me to his birthday party, for 2005 and 2006, it didn't happen. I guess he successfully did it.

He went from his local-made car to a 3 series, from a 4 figure salary, to a 5 figure salary, to being an employee to an employer, and going from just being a figure on internet, to being in the newspaper almost quarterly.

He was 3 years younger, and he had always told me that there's nothing Anthony Robbins® can teach him that he doesn't already know.

You've gone and prove your point, Josh. The only thing is, you share the same first name and the same last name with someone I am not particularly fond of. That's also the reason why I haven't been calling you. You're on top of the person I am avoiding in my phonebook!