Happy New Year

I am having the worse of 2005. It is not over. It has just begun.

I started the nightmare with Human Remains and I'm waiting for shit to hit the fan. Because judging by the sms I am getting, it's ME who is bugging him. He will build his case against me. That's what anyone would who is cornered will do.

I have to do the Sun Tzu thing to leave an exit. We know how well connected he is, I do not have that privilege.

I hate me. I have to decide to leave this shit or continue doing this to get me going.

I'm looking forward to get elegantly wasted. I still have my responsibilities. I still have my everything. I just need to get my act together.

JL is going on leave for 2 weeks beginning 1st Jan. I run the show.

The Day After Tomorrow

Is today, when I start my back my w-o-r-k. Good thing about it was a-la Russell Watson was away from the office.

I feel this important to blog :
China Yankee wrote 8.39 pm 30/12/05
U dun understand english d meaning stop bugging me? u want me to speak german with u? STOP ALL THIS FUCKING NONSENCES.

I replied : I called with regards to work. It's settled.

China Yankee wrote 8.44 pm 30/12/05
U think tht i m fucking idiot. u use other num to call me 1st b4 u use ur num. fucking idiot.


I showed this to partner-in-crime, Rooney. His suggestion was to do extremes. I quite like the idea but somehow payback is not what I'm looking for. Today I steer clear of his path just like how he steered away from mine. I'm not a vengeful person, am I? Somehow the idea

I walk among stars...

Reasons like this, are what kept me waking up to go to work....
Have two gorgeous men as your bouncers, at your every beck and call...










I wish!


Such is the daydreams of mine, today, at Christmas, sitting in my office in the mercy of my shuffle again. With random emotions as static as the hair at the back of my neck to my blue-yellow scarf.

I need to do something that will change my life forever. I'll tell you what I'll start with.
Give Steve my 1G Shuffle and exchange it with a Blue Mini Pod of 4G :D

We Are All Made Of Stars...

I sound Moby. I've been using this phrase a lot lately. I keep reminding myself and the people around me that We Are All Made Of Stars.

We are all amazing people doing amazing things with amazing and lasting effect on people's life. Yes, we give roaches to some of them, we also disturb them when they have a DND sign on. Yeah, lasting effect I would say. We are very much hated.

I am still in the same rut as I was in this time last year. I am still cornered into this no-exit or backdoor strategy. Whatever happened to Sun Tzu's Art Of War?

They are either choking me to resign willingly, or doom me to forever oblivious.

Haunted..

A few days earlier, it was the yellow Hummer that I swear I am going to make it Gone In 60 Seconds.

And yesterday, it was a white Forester, with a weekend number plate.

Not only am I almost cornered and choked to death in my own rumble, my dream car for that turbo-charged mom that I am going to be, drove past my lobby. And the people in the lunch bus hopped out of the car.

By recognising the usual suspects of the lunch bus, I could pretty much tell who is the driver behind the wheels. There could be only one. Qert.

Can you be less attention grabbing?

Oh, I try to tune it down. I'm born with it.

Lovesong

A shuffle is a dangerous equipment to have. I uploaded my shuffle with songs from The Cure after I return from watching Just Like Heaven. I didn't upload the entire Galore album into Qert's lap because I didn't want to infect myself so much, so severely.

There is no escaping the randoms of life. The next song that played was Cryin' by Aerosmith.

See, a shuffle isn't so bad.

The thing about The Cure and David Gray being in my shuffle is that it just pops up one person, and Sade makes my mind pop up a different person. I have a problem with association vs disassociation.

Maybe it's time to remove everything from my shuffle and start from scratch. And I realise I have another problem, attachment vs detachment.

Not so simple afterall..

You’ve been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew god’s face was handsome
With you I suffered an expansion

This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And I can’t stop dropping everything

I thought we’d be sexy together

Thought we’d be evolving together
I thought we’d have children together
I thought we’d be family together
But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we’d be genius together I thought we’d be healing together I thought we’d be growing together Thought we’d be adventurous together But I was sadly mistaken Thought we’d be exploring together Thought we’d be inspired together I thought we’d be flying together Thought we’d be on fire together But I was sadly mistaken

Simple Together

You’ve been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can’t go to you for consolation
Cause we’re off limits during this transition

This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can’t stop bumping into things

I thought we’d be simple together
I thought we’d be happy together
Thought we’d be limitless together
I thought we’d be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken

"Spirit To Serve"

As I am writing this post, my idol (the angry one) is singing my angry song. I am wearing a frown and wondering why I am putting myself through this song, while writing about my hero. I decided against pressing the next button on my mini Pod, coz I will probably only be punished by its only shuffle mode. Such is, Murphy in my life.

No one cares about your report card.

Then why have it 4 times a year?

It is important, but not critical.

He has answers to everything.

No one gives a rat's ass if Shine is Shine. They will only give a rat's ass if Shine is not bla bla bla. In other words, he is asking me to be a unique team player. That is the leadership skills to obtain, as it will be in use for the next 20 years.

Christmas Spirit..

It was the Chinese Winter thingy yesterday, I spent it at work. Tomorrow is the Christmas Eve's Dinner. Then there's the Christmas Brunch. If it wasn't for us small insignificants running the show, where will all these poor people go for joy, laughter and food?

So, as small and as insignificant as I keep thinking I am, I am still this unique individual.

Yesterday, I spent 2 hours with my hero. Using his words, "I do not know if this has helped your or hurt you". I do not know as well. All I know that in his powering presense, things seem so much clearer. My perspective, my priorities, my duties...

China Hong Kong - Part 2

The usual suspects went to the usual hang out, not G's but Q's. And I got myself included into the top 5 shite list of Chris "No-one-sits-besides-me-and-doesn't-drink" Superman.

We were out late and the incident that preceeds, was China Hong Kong.

I woke up in the morning with panicked frenzy and kept calling Chairwoman. She was late for work, she has only just woken up.

With guilty and in-anticipated pleasure, I told her the entire story. I feel like I've been run over by a 4 ton lorry. Didn't they always say that to get something, you have to give up somethings?
I gave up sleep.
I gave up rest.
What do I get?
More Somese and Xanax.

China Hong Kong

After China Yankee, China Hong Kong was a welcomed relieve. SMS-buddy turned nightmare. I have a tendency to turn into a nightmare to other people, and vice versa.

I shared the story of China Yankee to China Hong Kong. He said, forget about him. People like that are not worth two hoots. (not his exact words, mine)

Due to the huge event of the much awaited anniversary of the company, we have been so busy we have grass growing out of our ears that we didn't have time to trim. I stayed in the tower for 2 nights. In anticipation.

China Yankee

China Yankee wrote :

"Stop all this things. I hav no extra time for this n u been bugging me even after working hour everyday. ths will b d last text i m sending 2 u. STOP IT!"

China Yankee has proven to be another BABY.

Weak...

I am on medication for the past 4 days, just to keep me sane. I prayed
hard and constantly, and I still feel so weak.

I spoke to Qert and would like to see The Old Man to have my ass kicked
around a bit for some reasoning.

I need some rest, I cannot keep depending on these drugs.

I have committed everything unto His capable hands and I am still hoping
and wishing for an answer. Something, anything...

Xanax...

She has been my wonderful guardian, my loving mother in this Tower of
destruction of morale. Yet everything I am, everything I came to work for,
has flew off to UK.

I went back to their suite this morning and I sat there crying for 20
minutes. I can still smell Mrs. M in the suite. I can still remember
sitting in her living room, talking to her about quilting. No amount of
Xanax in this world would be able to cure me. A part of the reason why
work provided sustenance has left.

Mr. & Mrs. M...

When I walked away from them at the airport, I couldn't hold back the tears that was so threatening to fall. Mrs. M knew I was crying, she called me. I was choking on my own tears and I didn't want her to hear me crying, or else she would cry too. I didn't pick up her call.

I called her when I managed to compose myself better. She wishes me love and that this is just a job and I should take it as just a job.

Continued...

My favourite couple has helped me so much in this endeavour to remain composed as a service professional. Last night, I sent them to the airport and I have buckets of tears.

I remember when Qert and I received them at the KL Central. They were full of joy and we provided them with a ribbon cutting ceremony for moving into one of the suites in our Tower.They were the first to arrive... and they have left.

Farewell, my favourite couple...

My favourite couple has helped me so much in this endeavour to remain composed as a service professional. Last night, I sent them to the airport and I have buckets of tears.

Addiction...

It's not a new drug.

It's not the Christian Dior Perfume, Dior Addict.

It is something else..... Y.

Which nothing frustrates me more than Y. Remember Baby? Now think of BABY without the BAB.

My New Best Friend

My new best friend, glamour mom of Ms Mia and Mr Road, has been unjustly treated and taken the opportunity to do even greater things.

To be there for her children and sacrifice for her family.

Part 3

Chairwoman begins Batman shift which would mean I need to stockup on my drawer food. No one will be eating with me again.Coming back today, we caught each other for lunch at awkward hours.We shared, and I wonder, how come that Fuzz thing ever happened? And howcome I had sms confession the other evening? It was Tuesday.I shared the sms' with Jin and Chairwoman. I never would have expected Y to have some funny sms. It was so serious that I was more than arms-lengthing. I was bolting away. That was my first thought. Then... Then I am totally glad that Y was a bigger person that I expected him to be. He is amazing. Remember how highly I think of Mr. Em? That's almost where Y got to. Almost. If Y wears a tie, or great suits, I think he could get there.But I was so surprised about Y. It's been Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,Friday and today... There has been no news from Y. His ultimatum, all ornothing. Has been decidedly, nothing.

Delayed : 3rd Dec 2005

What did I do in my 3 days of absense? Memorably, I had dinner with Jin and Chairwoman at Planet Hollywood. After which, Chairwoman and I adjourned to join Sucken and The Culprits in G's. We spent an hour there and then went home.
What else did I do?
- Tried 6 outfits in Mango, found none suiting
- Went to KLCC to shop, expensive purchases from M&S
- Went to Mid Valley to grocery shop.

Delayed..

No. 3 : Supposed? Even more so... NO WAY!

Q : How do you feel after three days of absense?
A : Like I've striked lottery only to be informed of the mis-print

Q : How do you find the closure on The Couch?
A : With some closure, there will be more openings...

Q : Did you change your mind about quitting?
A : Did you change your mind about public airing?

Delayed : Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

Delayed from 3rd Dec.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry there has been no updates here.

Delayed : Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

No. 3 : Supposed? Even more so... NO WAY!Q : How do you feel after three days of absense?A : Like I've striked lottery only to be informed of the mis-printQ : How do you find the closure on The Couch?A : With some closure, there will be more openings...Q : Did you change your mind about quitting?A : Did you change your mind about public airing?Guess who's back, back again. Shine is back, tell a friend...What did I do in my 3 days of absense? Memorably, I had dinner with Jinand Chairwoman at Planet Hollywood. After which, Chairwoman and Iadjourned to join Sucken and The Culprits in G's. We spent an hour thereand then went home.What else did I do?- Tried 6 outfits in Mango, found none suiting- Went to KLCC to shop, expensive purchases from M&S- Went to Mid Valley to grocery shop.Chairwoman begins Batman shift again on Saturday night. I need to stockupon my drawer food. No one will be eating with me again.Coming backtoday, we caught each other for lunch at awkward hours.We shared, and I wonder, how come that Fuzz thing ever happened? And howcome I had sms confession the other evening? It was Tuesday.I shared the sms'with Jin and Chairwoman. I never would have expected Y tohave some funny sms. It was so serious that I was more thanarms-lengthing. I was bolting away. That was my first thought.Then... Then I am totally glad that Y was a bigger person that I expectedhim to be. He is amazing.Remember how highly I think of Mr. Em? That's almost where Y got to.Almost. If Y wears a tie, or great suits, I think he could get there.But I was so surprised about Y. It's been Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,Friday and today... There has been no news from Y. His ultimatum, all ornothing. Has been decidedly, nothing.

Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

No. 1 : You didn't know I am a Junkie

No. 2 : Formerly Infatuation? I don't think so!