"It's like rain on your wedding day..."

Sometimes it applies, sometimes you can throw it out of the window.

Yesterday was a long and tiring day for my ears, my heart and my body. After half an hour of listening to my odd couple moan about all the inefficiency of the Housekeeping service, I was hard of hearing. I just want to jump off 26th floor. We dropped the ball again, we screwed up again. Yeah, we did it again. This time, with the team that is so-called one of the best employers in Asia. Take my word to the bank, it is just a front. You have to be in the discussion we had yesterday to realise that "pride and joy" was something they talked about and not something they want to achieve for people like you or me.

It's a waste of time and a waste of my breath. My heart felt heavy with this effort and people who didn't really give a damn to anything that matters to you or the company that pays them for the job.

What fools of a glitzy place who claims that "the care and comfort of our guest is our highest mission". I can challenge this sentence with the Managers that makes such half-assed decision without realising the consequences.

It took me a lapse of 2 days to get back to finish this post.

Last night many things happened. In fact, yesterday, many events happened. So many truth was unfolded to me and light shed in the presense of such innocence and sincerity. I am touched and completely overwhelmed with emotions. We both had waterfall moments...

I have been absolutely rigid and uncompromising on myself when it came to matters of my career... is it because I am bleeding soon? I get so emotional...

Record-breaking, award-winning would'cha-believe-it

I had my 3 days break. I had my 3 days break! For a moment I thought that wouldn't materialise. I said to my mentor that if it didn't get approved, I would have just walk away from this job. He said to me, "It is not worth 5 years of building a career and walking out of the job because of some incompetent person".

Okay, my mentor would not have used the word "incompetent", it was my word.

The mentor has been buzzing in and buzzing out of the city like an elusive fleating wave of pleasure. Neither here nor there for a while longer than the funny-5-seconds it gives me. Maybe it was just me. But I always feel like he was so relevant. When I sit down with him, the world slows down a bit...

I sat down with him the night before I left to go home. I sat down with him and I crystalised. He asked me, "Is it me? Do I just bring out the worst in you?"

No, it's me. I never get enough of you...

It's been a week since I came back from leave. I am still hoping to get some rest.
The rest that I have been getting has been the ones I get drugged. I drug myself with cough syrup every night. My bad cough is still pending and through all the haze and clear breathing healthy lungs, I am still coughing.... Humour me.

The Chairwoman has been a little under the weather of circumstances that involves home and career. Certainly seem like trying times for her right now. No matter how I try to approach her, I have to keep reminder her than she needs to pull this through herself.

When it comes to how strong you are for your friends, it reflects, how strong are you a person ad with what a big heart and shoulder you have. I remember all the time I have just flushes after flushes regarding that eediot to Chairwoman and she constantly just keep receiving on her end, like my emotional toilet... I rubbed off on her hard, and now in her trying times, I wish I could only be half there for her.

No matter what you go through, remember you always have friends, you always have me...

Hazy Days

The days has been so clouded with haze, similar descriptions I would use for the clouded judgements I have made. Rest has been elusive and I have not touched my blog since 6th August.

There will be better days, I keep telling myself. After much pondering and negotiation, I will be having 3 days of rest next week. It is only one more working day, I keep telling myself!

It's been a tough time, having a "boss" that is "otherwise inclined". It's been more difficult handling this than Boss. To me, I have one boss. I only have ONE boss. He is at home resting, getting well soon for more days to come at the Tower.

There's been so many events that I would love to document, but just didn't have the time and now it has slipped my mind. I know I should keep notes. However even my notes re work has been all over the place. Like me, and the display of zits on my face.

I managed to spend Monday with my mom as it was her birthday. It has been more than a month since I sat down with her (or my family) for a meal together. Over lunch, she exclaimed. "Oh my! You have such dark eye bags!!" It was the first time she saw me in daylight. I sat across from her with a lingering smile and knowing how much she appreciate having me with her for her birthday. I took her out shopping, bought her some stationary and a new watch.

The few days off will be spent with my in-laws. I said to my mom this morning via text message that I will leave tomorrow night after work. She called to say she will wait for me to get home tonight or she will never see me again for the next 3 or 4 days. Do I have the most amazing mom ever?

Everything has worked out great for me, except with the restrictions of this job. I am here, it's 10pm. It's Sundays and AXN has back to back episodes of CSIs beginning 9pm. I am close to giving up and nothing breaks me more than the thought that my Boss will have of me, if I do decide to leave. Over lunch with Qert a few days ago, I told him of my thoughts and plans. He brought Boss up in the conversation and I crystalised. One thing I never want to do is to disappoint my Boss.

If there's one thing he wants me to do, is to do my job right. He believes in me and has so much faith in me. That is the only thing holding me on to this.

The headaches, the heartaches, the frustration, the confusion, the fever, the bad throat, the Front Desk, everything... has had me half heartedly committed to this job. My mentor keep telling me to hang in there and everything is only temporary. He's been saying that since November last year. My patience has worn thin and I am getting thinner by the day.

Having faith in knowing that Boss is coming back and having faith in myself in knowing I can hang on till then is the only thing that gets me out of bed, dreadfully knowing the day is going to be long and tiring.

Take a look at me and you will know that the "work that provides sustenance" is now all just "whatever to bring the bacon home".

I sincerely hope that none of you are stuck in the choices you make in your life and have options to explore.

Joining You

I wish for the day before when I could laugh so hard over the eediot. Just saying eediot could make me grin and laugh. I love it that I get fresh news from the oven. I love it when Qert says, "You look pleased with yourself".

Monkey.

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world. She walks in to mine."

Killer

So you want to be free
To live your life the way you wanna be
Will you give if we cry
Will we live or will we die

Tainted hearts heal with time
Shoot bad love so we can
Stop the bleeding

Solitary brother
Is there still a part of you that wants to live?
Solitary sister
Is there still a part of you that wants to give?
Solitary brother
Is there still a part of you that wants to live?
Solitary sister
Is there still a part of you that wants to give?

If we try to live our lives
The way we wanna be

Solitary brother
Is there still a part of you that wants to live?
Solitary sister
Is there still a part of you that wants to give?
Solitary brother
Is there still a part of you that wants to live?
Solitary sister
Is there still a part of you that wants to give?

Rascism in future kings can only lead to no good
And besides, all our sons and daughters already
Know how that feels


Please tell me that I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Wednesday, we scheduled our day off together. I received a call at 7.15 am requesting me to come into work. We already had our day off together planned with house-hunting, nail treatments, shopping, movies and dinner.

As I woke reluctantly, crawled to the other bed to tell him I have to be at work. He grunted once and said, "Just let it go. It has to be done". Is this the most amazing and supportive man ever? Okay, it was not what I wanted to hear, but one quick call to Chairwoman and she confirmed that it was WRONG for me to be at work. Yet duty calls and I have to answer it, with a frown larger than life, I answered it.

I went to work and vented my frustration with breakfast fellowship. I was truly angry and spitting out flames to the fellowship. At one point I think I crystalised. I went back to the counter for one check out. Which my acting manager was fiddling with no clue.

"How can I sell the place if the person who is driving it has no license?"

"You mean he can drive?"

I love breakfast fellowship. I truly do. They come up with the most amusing lines that just splits my seams.

It's people like this that make me thankful I am alive!!

Life is like a box of chocolates...

They call her Lady Luck
But there is room for doubt
At times she has the most unladylike way of running out


I went to watch The Fantastic 4. Came highly recommended by trusted friends. I was not disappointed. The day off was over anticipated. I came back to work with a frown larger than life. If at this time I go and do an ESS (Employee Satisfaction Survey) I would have burnt the building down. I have been under-rated, under-estimated and undermined in the most stupid way and it pisses me off to no ends. I am still riled for the events that happened a few days ago. I was down with the fever the day after my day off. I guess this is His way of telling me that I should not curse or spite anything good/bad that comes my way. My mistake, my error, my wrong. Me me and me.

I've lost it.