Silent Tears

"Silent tears full of pride"

What brought them on? I guess it was as easy as the unsummoned ones like when I hear Fields Of Gold by Sting.

I realise that I do have some fear ruling my life. The most important one that I discovered ruling my life now is : I fear being judged.

Everybody judges. Even when they say they don't. Especially them Christians. They are always the first to judge.

Yeah, I didn't have that great a Wednesday morning as I geared up for a better 2009 as of March. But even that was no flying. A friend shared, said that is suppose to happen, to keep suspense high. No. So totally wrong. So totally misinterpreted.

Enough. That was one word I keep telling myself as I seek solace with this bad throat and a practicing to be an even better cough.

I often feel people not grateful enough. There, I judge. That is my verdict. I always ask, I always vent : When will anyone appreciate me?

Anthony Robbins say, thinking is the process of asking and answering questions. To have better results, you ask better quality questions. The question now is not "When will anyone appreciate me?"

It is why. And how?

With the why, therein lies why I have the fear of being judged. Why I have the fear of not living up to expectations, especially my own.

With the how, I ask more questions. Am I not doing enough for my family? Have I not prioritized properly now? Have I not done the best I have?


So many conflicting thoughts. So many unresolved issues. How am I going to use this time to better myself. How am I going to use this time to heal myself? When all I am is surrounded by all these guilt, hatred and pent up frustrations.