Serious Sunning

Some serious sunning tomorrow morning.. with some serious girls. (ie Me and Jules) ha ha!

The End Of The Boys

In my enthusiam to watch more of The Boys, I ended up finishing the entire Season 3 Part 1. That's it. It's all done. All finished in 12 episodes. No more Vince. No more E. No more Ari.

I found it difficult to sleep last night. Vince has just fired Ari. What a way to end Season 3 Part 1. I hate it. I hate hate hate.

Such good story line, but so so pisses me off. Wow. That's it. You know.. no more. Now I gotta wait.

The wonderful thing about The Boys is they never disappoint. They don't. It is 99% better than the men in my life. Well.. If it's that way. Well.. sigh.

Entourage

The Boys are a happy bunch in my life. There cannot be anything anyone can do about it. I love watching them.

When I watch them, it's easier than watching Sex & The City. It transports me to a different world. Where I don't have what I have and I don't face what I face. It is just good stories and crisis of this superstar.

Lovely. I spent 2 hours last night with Jack and 2 hours with The Boys. Just splendid. I do not ever want to do anything else but be with The Boys.

That's Vincent Chase in the middle. Just lovely and amazing.

Oh My God, Finally!!

I have missed The Boys and their nonchalant ways for so many months now.
Not to mention I've got the Season 1 and 2 somewhere hiding, trying not to remember it's there or just trying not to remember who it actually belongs to.

But sod it. It's Season 3 now. If I cannot forgive, I must do with just forgetting.

Last night, I put on the first disc to Season 3 Part 1 and sat down with The Boys for 2 hours. How I've missed E and Vincent Chase!! Wow. Aquaman was such a hit!!

I am glad that I choose out of a bag, something like The Boys and still be able to enjoy the feel-good and not all the mis-associations I have with many un-associated things. (Don't ask)

Anyway, E is still Vince's manager. Ari's gotten his own agency. Lloyd's still with him. Johnny Drama is still Johnny Drama.

Whatever it was before, it's how it still is.

If I have been harping before, I probably still am.
And you're not helping. But thanks for company when I didn't need to be alone with my horrid thoughts.

Over And Under

I had a weekend that I was muchly looking forward to. Like everything over-anticipated, it has that Murphy feel to blow up in my face.

I woke up by 7 am and then found out at 7.25 am that the person going on this trip decided to cancel on me.


Some people are callous.


Which makes me wonder how am I going to bounce back from this.
How how how?


So what I did was spend Saturday at home, mopping around and being totally pathetically sorry about my weekend and did something about it in the evening. I went on a solo adventure to make it to The Curve. I wanted to spend some money.

Deslex knew when my plans got cancelled, he knew I was going to go out for some retail therapy. But then again, in many things I am very predictable. So I am. So I be.


On Saturday evening alone on the free shuttle, I received Laine's call for an invitation to her place on that very same evening. I decided to go. It should be good to go be with people in the state and condition I'm in. (or so I tot)

Saturday night at Laine's had the entire Embassy over at her place. (almost) And 6 asian faces. That's us.

The night ended early for all 6 of the asian faces. I didn't wish or wanted it to have been that way. Lord knows I wanted very much to have my Melaka weekend. And something to do on a Saturday night would have been very nice.


Plus this weekend there was no Jules, there was no Jerri Berry.. which was the best time for me to go away on a Melaka weekend. But because I did'nt expect my weekend cancelled, I ended up having no family or friends around me. I know I'm screwed. But I had to salvage my weekend.

I bought a pair of crocs. (again)
I bought countless pairs of earrings. (again)
I bought a top from MNG. (a first)

On Sunday, I woke with a wonderful thought. My sis is coming back from The Land of Cheap DVDs. But because the two loving Tom and Jerri Berry went on their little active scooter, it is going to take them... a very long time to get home. Sigh.

I woke up all morning and stayed enthusiastic.
I even took my mom out to buy dinner. Just two of us, taking the train, spending an hour together. I wanted to do this coz I know it's a dinner my sissy would enjoy.

At 6 pm, my dad announce they've arrived. And I ran downstairs to receive them. I was so happy to see her I was almost crying (besides the fact that she's bringing me Jack Season 6) And I told her, "I didn't have lunch coz I wanna have big dinner with you! Let's go upstairs and eat eat eat!"

I'm glad I have a sister like her. And I wish sometimes she be glad she has a sister like me. I mean, I am what I am. And I am how I am. I try to be better. But sometimes it's not like there was any point to it.

I immediately started on the CSI Season 7 last 4 episodes and Heroes Season 1 last 3 episodes. And my Sunday didn't end till it was Monday.


For it not for Tom and Jerri Berry, I would have been very sad and practically crying all weekend.

The Journey This Weekend

Last year, when I went with the spiritual retreat to Melaka.. it was during a time when Bad Day was really looked forward to.

Tomorrow morning, I am making a trip to Melaka again.This time, with hopes of different things to achieve. Let's hope the satay celup taste better. And the retreat, spiritually or not, would be a good one for me.

I don't know if it was much looked forward to or not. But at least I know it's good makan.

Satay Celup here I come!!

Dropping News

Oi. Deslex.. Given you KNOW the high expenditure I have incurred this month... it is not fantastic news when he dropped on my lap that The Cure's having a concert in Singapore on 1st August.

I was just absolutely crazy over it.

All my Cure albums.. oh my god.. all the more reason to start listening to them again! I have been on such a high since I heard of this concert.

Again, it's not always about me. So.. let's wait for the high to go low. Then we'll be able to see and think better about this.

Right about now... what's good is go home and hope that Tom and Jerri Berry made it to The Land of Cheap DVDs with two wheels and is safe. What a sister for not calling them earlier to check. Hmmphh..

They are the only two person I know who would handle perseverence on two wheels all the way up to The Land of Cheap DVDs. Sigh.


Okay, horrid girl. Get out of the way. I wanna go to sleep.
I wish some of my MSN emoticons would work here. I'd so love to do a /poke.

Anyway, again.. Feeling Like A Monday But Someday I'll Be Saturday Night...


Tomorrow's Friday. Friday I'm In Love.

Feeling Like A Monday But Someday I'll Be Saturday Night

Since Monday, I have had 3 visits to 2 different doctors. Given 2 injections over 3 days.

It's been my toughest 3 days ever.

It's Thursday. But I know I could relate to "Felling Like A Monday But Someday I'll Be Saturday Night".

Sigh.

Wrenching Guts

As it takes a lot of guts to be able to accept it.. I did the only thing possible.

I am too old for this shit. But I seem to be the only person reacting to being old.

Over the weekend, Jules, Ting and me was over at Jerri Berry's place. A much needed getaway for all 3 of us girls. Don't ask.

It was just the girls spending time together. Doing girly things.

Sigh.



I got home on Sunday afternoon and slept it away. Got up at 9 to begin my CSI Supreme Sundays. I was quite reluctant to go away, but manage to have my Sunday floor time all planned out.

By the time it was Race Day, I was throwing my guts out and made very good friends with my toilet. Yes, upsetting news that Kimi did not start anywhere close to pole position.

But the time the race started, I was at throwing up round 2.

I had such a headache that I fell asleep there on the floor. By the time I was found, I was feverish and having cold sweats.

I'm getting old.

I was woken up and asked to get into the room, under proper blanket and drink some water.


I had difficulties sleeping coz I know the race is on. And I want to watch Kimi win a race (yeah, right) and the sounds of these powerful engines was playing at the back of my head.
In my fevered condition, I could not get out of bed.. and my tummy was aching so bad. I wasn't sure if I was crying of sweating as I fell asleep.

On Monday morning I woke up and decided to get myself some milk, bad choice. Coz I once again made friends with my guts in the toilet.

And the pain did not stop. Not a wink beginning 7.30 am.

I woke up with no wonderful notions of any help any changes any difference. Because I know what I had was a wonderful dream. It was a wonderful "what if" and it was not possible.


If it was not an option back in November, it is not an option now in June.

And no. This is not a message for any particular person.

Needing A Specialist

Music tuned on : Jagged Little Pill.

On Wed night, I skipped my usual bendy bender and went home. I was feeling like crap anyway. I thought some sleep would do me good.

At 9 pm, after an hour, I was still digging my left eye for my missing contact.
At 9.15 pm, I successfully removed my contact and made my left eye red and swollen. And very very wrinkly.

I panicked. My mom panicked. I was sent to the nearest GP.
He gave me eye drops and recommendation letter to a THONEH.


But I went home early for a reason that Wed night. I was going to spend it with Gil. And I did. I spent one hour with Gil with one eye open. I finally looked like my Skype ID.

Isn't it Ironic?


On Thursday morning, we parked at Laine & Eric's place as visitors and walked across to the hospital, very much to the dismay of the security personnels there. Ha ha. Yes, call their unit. They know we're parking there. In fact, it was recommended by Laine, who no longer works at the Embassy. And Laine invited us for coffee even.

Ha ha

But we didn't stop at Laine & Eric's for coffee.

We went straight to get my eye checked out.

Little did I expect it to take an entire morning. But it was pretty okay. Dr. said my vanity is intact. I mean my eye is intact. No damages done. I can go on being vain.

Oh my favourite sin!

I left the specialist's with a grin and look forward to the next few days spending it with one of my many pairs of glasses.


What followed on Thurday evening left much to be desired for. Again my parents was wishing it didn't happen under their roof. And again I was wondering why and how come I am such a weak person.

The only person of quality in my life is someone who is not hurting me and is looking out for me. I know and I appreciate that. It is the only kindness I have in my life.

And I wish I believe myself to be worthy of such an emotion. Maybe I need to try on the new mantra. Maybe I need to work out better for me. Maybe I should stop shortchanging myself on this.

Coz no matter what happens, I let it happen to me first. I treated myself this way. If I did not, no one would have gotten away with the way they treat me.

Okay. Enough.

It's time to build character.


The next time he tries, he won't even get the pleasure of seeing me cry. Again.


If only it would have been as easy as dealing with the damage with my eye, needing a specialist.
Sigh.

Can You Stomach It?

No.

At this point the Chai didn't sit very well with me. And I'm sitting frowning at a foreign desk I'm working from.

My feel-good all day today flew out the window with my Chai.

In replacement, I got something for my board. It's consolation. And it's at least an alternative. How many get to say that they have something for their wall of fame?

It's not red. But it will do for now.



Okay. Let's face it. Last night didn't sit very well with me. And it was my fault. Bad judgement. Bad decisions. I repent and don't do it again.

At the end of the day, it's going to be me on Judgement Day. Me and Him. And I don't want it to have come to that.


Constantine was trying to buy his way back to heaven coz he was a suicide. But God doesn't work that way, does He? So think about it and think about what lies for you when it comes to Judgement Day.

I'm not going to push and shove as it is my decision, my call and I made a bad one. So I have to put this behind me and move on.


Qert was talking to me. And he knows how it is going on with me. And I didn't know if he could stomach my confession. But he said, "tell me" anyway. Which is what I expected him to say.

He didn't say, "Stupid girl". He didn't say, "What were you thinking, girl!"
No. He didn't.

He's too Christian for that. Instead he said something to even rub it in and made me writtle into the ground. He said, "I'll pray for you".

"You have a higher moral, that's why. You could do with a lot more of talking with Him".

Yes. I could.

"Pray for strength, pray for patience. I know you're on the right track".



He didn't believe that I could do it. But he believes that prayers are going to help me go a long way, at least a way better than me thinking I'm doing this alone.



Thank you. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for calling a spade a spade. I know how it is. I know how it seemed like and I know I will work towards this in a better way.
I sincerely do not know how to be a better person without any gratitude in my life.


Thank you - mommy, daddy, Jerri Berry and Jules. Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for being what family means to me. Thank you.


I love you.

Chance

I walked into a friend today. At least it wasn't dark and she didn't have he 80G iPod as a flashlight. We talked over lunch and she was trying a new mantra on me.

Think happiness. Think that you already have happiness. And it will come to you.

I wasn't sure if she was trying to sell it to me or to sell it to herself. But eitherway, I am glad I spent a little time with this infectuous person.

She is a happy person (in comparison) and she is optimistic, I think. She heard doubts in my voice and she sees concern on my face. And if we had more time, she knows I will be crying over our conversations.

She said to me, "I miss having good open conversations like this"

And I gave her a weary smile.



It's not good for me. But then we're always going to be each other's emotional toilets one way or another.


Change - Chance - I don't know. There's hardly anything that is consistant anymore. Hardly anything I can put a finger to it to call a me thang. It has just been that way recently. I don't feel like blogging, and when I do I lose sleep, Kimi doesn't start anywhere near pole position, or a lousy rave.

Maybe I just have high expectations. Maybe I just push myself too hard.

She said to me, "It's not about other people. It's about you. It's about your happiness."

Yes. I know. But that same idea is not something I will buy.

"Yup. I never got into it either. I'm too selfish"

What do I reply to that? I think everybody knows except the only person in the idea.



Don't conform to society. Conform to you. Yourself. Nobody is going to make you happy. Nobody loves someone who doesn't love herself (literally? *grin*)

I don't know if I'm beyond hope yet. I don't know if I'm a lost cause yet. I try and I cling so hard to not letting go of the only constant I have - my mom. my sis. and my CSI Supreme Sundays.


I don't want to put in the effort. I don't want to make it all shiny and new. I don't.

Does this look like a face that cares? Maybe too much.



I just want to be - never mind.

Rave Review : Rave Reviewed

What happens when there are 30,000 bodies on one level of semi open air car park with dim lights, no fan or air conditioning and no where to park your booty?

It gives me a feeling of absolute Blade-ness. (Tuning in to Blade Soundtrack on brick Pod)

This is like the semi-darkness semi-sunrise part of the part they all run to hide underground to hide from the sun. Ha ha.

Ok. It was bad. It was stinking and everybody was just lying around the place, be it drunk or just beat. I don't care. It was an underground scene. And I hated it.

All except the part where Benny Benassi played the tune to 24. With Jack Bauer going, "This is Jack Bauer, CTU"

And small parts going, "The following take place between 1.00 am to 2.00 am"

Wow. Jack's voice. Oh by saying Jack, of course I meant Keifer's voice. Enigmatic.


Oh! Well I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees.
Ok, I don't know how that got there.



I went home to watch Elton's 60th birthday thingy and sat down to text when he said something about John.


I was singing throughout the entire show. Except when he sang Empty Garden. It wasn't appropriate to sing with.

And I cried when he played the last song.. And you can tell everybody that this is Your Song. It may be quite simple but now that it's done. I hope you don't mind that I put down in words...

When I got to bed early Sunday morning.. I lay my head and think, what would be my favourite Elton song? Would it be Livon? Would it be The Way You Look Tonight? Would it be Crocodile Rock?


No, it would be And I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues.


And then I realised, it could have been a pick me up song, like Bennie And The Jets or I'm Still Standing.

Don't know why.

Whatever it is, was, I think Elton is an excellent performer, an amazing entertainer.

I just wish I was more his time than this time.

Elton rated way way better than the rave.


Enough said. Next on, Kimi Raikkonen at Montreal! Okay.. Better Kubica than Kimi.

I am sick and tired of how lousy Kimi Raikkonen is.

Maybe he's only good on pictures, not with a great fantastic car like Ferrari.

"What a bunch of jokers"

Enuff said.

Special Ops

I'm on the Special Ops again!

At this point, I have to keep telling myself : I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phi 4:13

Becoz last night, I actually brokw down. And found solace at the bottom of a glass.

Conclusion is, I am my father's daughter. And I told Jerri Berry that. Don't stop me tonight. Leave me be.


There's no one better to run Special Ops than me. There's no one worth. There's no one good enough. I'm it.



At least I get to reward myself this weekend by going for the rave.

The Unknown Errors of our Lives

By now, I think everybody knows. Me and books and/or magazines are inseparable. And I wonder if allotment of RM 1K for tax exemption would be enough for me.

I have just bought a book yesterday : The Unknown Errors of Our Lives.

Says a lot. I have not started it. I am still with my Orson Scott Card Bean book. My last. Shadow Of The Giant. If it wasn't for Card, I won't be reading sci-fi.

I really spent a lot of money yesterday, with purchases from Borders, MNG and Jim Thompson. Don't ask.

Jaded

It all started good today till I found info I didn't want to know. Then again, if I didn't want to know, I shouldn't ask. But I did. And since CW is CW, she told me. ha ha ha.

Let's stay with don't ask - don't tell. Or better, if you know something you think won't sit well with my unstable stomach, keep it to yourself.

I have had a rough day trying to pick myself up and pick up after someone. But I was told it builds character. So yeah... why not?

Maybe I could stomach more.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.