Something Different

Subjecting myself to other's choice of MEAT is a very subjective thing. I do not. I carry my own. Forget the circle of influence the circle of concern and all that jazzy circles. It is me.

Something different today for me is listening to online MEAT. Which was weird. I was tuned in to George Michael Station. No, it's not a station that has only his hits. It's like his... preferred playlist.

There was Prince, Aretha Franklin, lots of Led Zep and The Smiths.

This morning, I got up and realise that I will be a nice person. At least to one person. I brought with me a John Grisham and hope that he's her type. After a restless night of counting blessings and recounting experiences to let go of, I realise that it's just me. It's probably not bothering anyone else but me. I woke up tired and I went on my way to go see her.

That was something different. For once Narcissist Shine was not being a narcissist.

Something different this evening was receiving a text : Back one day earlier! Run and hide!!

And I was smiling.... because this text was totally unexpected.

Yeah, so that's been today... And because it is Wednesday... I am back to my routine Wednesday night. It's CSI night. And I, am leaving the office.

Just give me one day in a week to leave office before 9 pm to do what's important to me. And I won't ask for more.

Hello Lover!

Was the words that Carrie Bradshaw said when she saw the perfect shoes. The same one Miranda's water broke on.

It's a pair of pretty pink Christian Louboutins.

She wore this pair of shoes for that horse-carriage date with Mr. Big.

I'm still very glad that Big went to Paris to get "our girl" back.

It is indeed the perfect pair of shoe..

Big was that one addiction that Carrie never got over. Big was bad for her. I hated and loved Big throughout the entire series, right from the moment she met him and his first word was "Abso-fcuking-lutely". And yet Big was... her Chrysler building. Big was.. the one she cannot get enough of and screwed Aidan over twice. Big did things for her that made her feel so special. Big was an ass. Big was.. wonderful. Big was.. everything..

I don't even know why I am talking about Big. She is so much happier with Aidan. Aidan was stable, Aidan was predictable, Aidan was the safe secure choice. But that's not for our Carrie. She likes the big bad Big. Sigh.

Sounds so close to home.

Godzilla

Things to learn from this movie :

Puff Daddy's Come With Me - in my old missing phone, it was an assigned ring tone for one person. Come With Me. I was trying to tell me something. Desperately.

Puff Daddy's Come With Me - is a stolen tune from Led Zep's Kashmir.

The tagline of Godzilla : Size Does Matter.

That's... now THAT's trying to tell everybody something.

Size. Does. Matter.

Not Inspired

It was very weird today. Very weird this morning.

As a habitual creature, I didn't take my anchoring triple shot latte. As a routine person, I didn't take my usual breakfast. As a patterned person, I didn't feel like giving this job 110% like I always do.

What I did do as a routine was steal.

I stole so many things today. Some of which I can't list here, it would be too incriminating. Some of which involves stationaries and printing items. Some of which include so much intangibles.

I also stole an hour to go back to my old lobby. And stole into a kitchen partner-in-crime Rooney and I like to hide in. I went that way after making my orders through the phone and went to round up Rooney. It was so weird... I went to my old lobby to pick up Rooney and went on our way..

In a reality way, the kitchen was the only place in the entire tongue-sticking-out-of-lion place that I was welcomed in. In a strange way, of the entire building, this was the only place that feels like embracing warmth.

I wasn't very up after I came back from lunch and received an email that hit the truth so hard that I realise it's time for me to forgive and move on. And do something for someone else, that makes me feel real and human..

I didn't know what to write when I started this post... But listening to The Cure always has me writing something. Because I know how to relate to pain better than I do with anything else.. Because I know today I crystalised, even waterfalled.

Because I have this painful inability of disassociating. I know I have always struggled with this and when the news came from after lunch hitting truth colder than it did yesterday afternoon... I know I have to be bigger, be better... If I cannot forgive, I have to forget.

And with not giving this job 110% since this week, has got me in a piled up mess.. That I don't know how to undo.

Things has been so different without him. He would probably have kicked me so hard and made me see what it was about this job. Remember his words. Remember that I am here to make a difference. If he had to kick everybody into getting in line, me included, then I have bent his expectations of me.

"Keep your chin up and keep smiling"

Avril?

The 3 of us went out on Saturday. Comfortable. Just the 3 of us. Two of her Scorpios and her.
I am so blessed...

"Don't wish it away, don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I can honestly say that things will only get better"

One of my favourite lines in a song. And nobody sang it as good as Mary J. Blige.

Unfortunately to those lines I received a reply, "Avril?"

Who?

And then I went shopping. And now I know who.

Mary J. Blige did One with Bono. (I know I've said that before on my blog) On the Final of Americal Idol Season 5, Mary did One with Elliot. And she was amazing. Not only was she amazing actually, it was a night of amazing performances. (Unlike the Clay doing Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me) And Prince, with his royal colour. It was a good night. And Mary overpowered Elliot. Now you know why Elliot didn't win.

The next good line in the same song goes "Just stare into space Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second without hesitation And never forget I'm your man"

And never forget I'm your man.. I wasn't sure if the song was trying to tell me something or I'm trying to tell something..

And I don't know anything Avril.

Unless it's Complicated.

I was there!

After witnessing Mel-B's Ray Ban fall into pieces as the balloon floated away... I was.. stringing my camera around my neck .. slightly palms sweaty.. but very much loving the vertigo effect.

This is a pic that says: I WAS THERE!

I did it. Even if you don't know it was me, it was :) And even if it was me, sometimes it wasn't me!

Almost Unreal

This was my Sunday.

It was almost unreal... And I am glad to be part of it.

I am truly blessed...

What isn't yours anymore..

And you move on.

I went to Qert's office for one intention. To stare at the lamp and to.. maybe get some lunch money. What I found in Qert's office : 4 girls, 1 guy and a generous person offering me RM 10 for lunch.

I went to get a quiche. I could get anything, but I needed and wanted something that I usually feel better with.

And since I was so close.. I went to my ex-lobby.

I hid in the loo and do what I do best in Qert's office.

One blank sent.
One blank received.
One blank sent.


Pending...


Shine, I sometimes wish I could let go. I should have known better to walk into my ex-lobby in the state I'm in.

Afterglow

Here I am, lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control

My mind drifts away, we only have today


Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way
I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow


When the faith has gone as I let you go, as I let you go


Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way, I will sacrifice
Now I'm living in your afterglow


Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest

Slightly Off..

The day, the morning, after 10 am, was slightly off. Unfortunately with me, everything has to register a pattern. Everything has to be, or else I am just ticked off.

And this morning, it was not loading my pocket enough to afford coffee and lunch.

So I didn't have my anchoring triple shot latte, and I didn't have breakfast. And to begin it all, I woke up late. And was rushing to get ass into office. And so subsequently all the decisions I made, all the choices I made, has been weird. And totally insensible.

(V)Gine went for lunch at about 1.00pm and she's going home for lunch. It wasn't until she stated that that I remember it was lunch hour.l And I have no lunch money. And I have no lunch partner.

To call it slightly off is an understatement.

I cannot even go to my usual Planet Starbucks to sit on The Couch and wait for The One to buy me coffee.

I cannot even get a blank. Since 10 am till now, I have been weak in sending two blanks. And I feel.. so hungry.

I was wrong..

Thanks to scriptwriters, now.. I'm so torn when it comes to Horatio Caine.

I cannot remember when's the last time a fictious character can make me feel so much.

Today in this week, was the first time I played music on my lap. And I went straight to the organic Crazy by Alanis Morissette. And my repeat has been on and it's been playing all day since I got back the functionalities of my lap.

With everything that anchors me and now I don't know if H still does.

But I do know now that it is not always, all the time, anytime, everytime.

I'm gonna go home now and play a DVD. A comfort DVD. In hopes that I will still be great.

Horatio

Not the best picture there is of Horatio.

But in black and white. And that to me, was what I was trying to say.

This is the man that made me lose sleep, just being fiction. I've never had a problem with H and Yalena. In fact, not even when he was seeing the DA. I've never lost sleep over how morbid the episodes has been. Never.

And Qert has to introduce me to the website with all the updates of all the CSIs you can ever want to indulge yourself in. From there, it made Qert puke more. And it made me sicker.

The huge black cloud from the aftermath of the website Qert and I was reading is still lingering. And that was how Lenore I was yesterday.

When we got to the part where H was with his new bride.. and she got shot down..

Alt+F4.

I had nightmares after nightmares from that one article on the website and that was Tuesday night. On Wednesday night as I sat in front of the TV watching a repeat of CSI : Miami while waiting for American Idol, I had to hold a book and try to not look at Horatio and melt when he does the side profile hands on hips... or when he does that looking on the floor while talking and holding his sunglasses and as he finishes his sentence, he puts them on. I had to focus on the book. I had to focus on something else than that love/hate emotion that I have for H.

The episode that was on last night was Dateline. The first frame of Horatio in that episode, was my favourite in all Horatio shots. It was the one that had me cooing.. always, all the time, everytime.

But yesterday night I watched this episode in front of the tv, with Bean on my hands and my pillow held tight to me. I was going to crystalise.

I've finished my Bean series a very long time ago. But conversations with Jin-wannabe-dorg-next-life got me rumaging all my books to find my Bean series. And I'm back on Bean like I was before.

Which was a mistake to choose Bean to keep me company while trying not to look at Horatio and hate him, or love him, I couldn't decide. I knew Bean already. I know the lines, I know the words. It's H that got me last night. And it was H that I didn't let go.

And to think that in being fiction he was going to be the best thing, as real as it gets, as great as it gets, as much as I can get. Anytime. All the time. Everytime.

A Lenore Day

It's a Lenore Day.

FUBAR. Not like tomorrow's going to be any better. But the good thing is... I do have lunch to look forward to.

The Couch was little consolation for me today. The One with The Tie will be away for a while. And I do not want to make the trip only to find Zero.

With this.. hazy clouded days that I have been having.. I had very little appetite. The muffin I stole this morning.. after two bites, landed a staple. So I went out for a walk this afternoon... we came back to the office with many extra pairs of shoes.

I feel so Carrie.

But also so Lenore at the same time. Just like Lenore being grumpy with all the butterflies and cupcakes surrounding her.

That is so me.

Happy Birthday

A birthday to celebrate.


Wednesday routine remains.


Go figure.

Mission Completed!

I parted with my beloved camera over the weekend. And constantly texted CY and called her once. She was annoyed. I said, "Hey, send my LURVE to JL!"

And she gave me the face.

Early this morning as I climed out of bed, my mobile vibrated : Hey, I'm back! What time r u in?

Reply : 10 to 10. The usual.

And at 1ish, CY was at my desk.

"Oi. Do you have card reader or cables?"

"Thanks for the loan of your camera, by the way"

Ah, I need to inspect quality. Stay. *reaches for my despatch bag to get my card reader*

"I can't believe you made me do that silly pose at that silly rock"

Well, not many people would and could achieve that. If someone was holding the camera for me, I'd have done it good.

"I hope you're satisfied with the result!"

Small price to pay... for loan of my camera.. I hope you had fun.

"I did."

By the way... you look horrible in your new uniform.

"Thanks."

Okay girl.. see you again.. and thanks.

"Stupid silly pose. I can't believe I did it"

Well, you did. And mission completed very well... very well indeed. I would be the only person who could have done it better... But thanks...

Clearly Fogged

With this daze... It's amazing how many things I could see clearly now.

In desperate measures, I did ask to see The One on The Couch. And he obliged. And all I could do was look at him... I couldn't say much. I couldn't.. not with the traffic, not with the music. And even with distinct breaths, I couldn't. And I feel like typing him a text message when he was sitting right there.

Too relevant.

My time with The One (without The Tie) on The Couch was short.

Zero walked in on us. Yeah, I guess it's his couch too.

Oh well. Some.. good things.. should be shared. But I don't wish to be on the crowd if Zero's on it. And I'm not being mean. I'm being real. It's true. I don't have to waste that money. It's an eventual and we all know it. Just nobody says it out loud. Hey, pin bearers are pin bearers.

Cute!

You lied about being "Totally". It wasn't "Totally" and it wasn't anything SIMILAR!

Yes, I would have time to blog this for another one for the Hall of Fame.

Retribution...

I have a habit.. I don't know if it's good or it's bad. Or simply put it, just blunt.
I will never say a word about someone behind their back that I would not say in front of them.

On MSN :

What time are you coming over to pick up the camera?

"Oh I almost forgot.. See you in a while."

Can we also go find some food.. I didn't have lunch.

"Me too."

Where to eat?

"I come see u first k?"

And in about 10 mins, CY arrived at my desk. I've written down short instructions on what to point and shoot for me. Including what direction I want what picture with what pose. I'm going to be very proud of her. Because besides me doing that particular pose I want at that particular stone, she would be the one who would achieve such task. She's like me. And didn't care if she sang out loud and others could hear her. That was me today in Planet Starbucks while uploading pix. I was listening to Alanis Morissette and singing to her. Flip showed up when my angry song was playing. I was wearing a frown... and then I wasn't.

Okay. Delete. Here.

"Okay. Is your battery fully charged?"

I don't know.

*Beep* NO MORE POWER.

Ahh.. I guess I know now. It's not. You gotta charge it.
:D

Murphy is as Murphy does.

CY decided that we should go eat at Honda. For something soupy. My throat hurts and I almost couldn't speak. So you can imagine how hard a day it's been for me. I am tearing, for everytime I want to say something and I can't.

CY left the office to go change into her Doraemon clothes and despatch bag. I stayed in office, we will meet at LG. When she was ready, she called me. And I went to see her.

As we walked out of the building.. she said, "I almost didn't wanna have dinner with you. Because you won't be talking. And I want to hear everything. The wedding, the dinner.. "

I nod.

"See.. I knew dinner today was going to be disappointing.."

Why. Don't. You. Speak. This. Time?

"I got nothing interesting to tell you. I haven't had my Cameron Highlands trip yet!"

o_O

We sat down and CY ordered me some congee.

As I was tearing because congee was hot and I wanted to speak so much.. so much to tell CY.. So much to want to laugh with CY.. I crystalised..

"Oi. Woman! HAHAHHAHHA... So pityful lah see you cannot talk!"

HAHAHHAHHAHAH.

"Oh you poor thing.. Don't you just wanna DIE than cannot speak??!!~~"

*withering stare* to CY's direction

"Okay okay.. he hehhe... I know you'd rather have dust in your throat while talking than not being able to talk at all! HHAHHAHAHHAA"

*serious withering stare*

"Okay okay... I better stop.. he heheh.. I love talking too.. He he he.. Retribution lah! He he he.. I stop. I stop. Hehhehehe"

Jeez.

As we left to cross the road.. CY had a bout of coughs... so bad.. like I was contagious.

In bouts of cough.. "AHhHHhh.. you... see... *cough* *cough* retribution!!"

And we crossed the road. CY walked me back to the office. And I said to her quietly.. to enjoy her trip up to Cameron Highlands tomorrow.. and don't take any coffee and doughnut on the way up.

Confusious say... He who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Retribution, Shine.. Ahh.. I take that back!

Some things..

On Teacher's Day Tuesday 16th May, we went to watch the 2nd movie of the year. We aim to catch one movie every quarter. So far.. so successful. MI3. Read from Qert's blog.. he was quite looking forward to catch MI3.

No comment. Go see it for yourself.

I don't feel too good today. Must be all the sweat. And the running in and out of office.

Silver linings :
- The One With The Tie called me twice today.
- I had breakfast.
- I caught or Flip caught me.
- I caught the McLaren.
- I caught up with (V)Gine.

Some things.. probably like then-stewardess, was hoping to change. With Zoe. It would definitely change things. Pilot Boy doesn't think so.

I remember walking into Pilot Boy at a shopping mall near the home we bought.. Pilot Boy was out with then-stewardess with bulging belly and baby Bryan. This was last year, Dec. What changed in half a year.

My father in law held my hand after the wedding dinner and said... "Shine, are you happy?"

And I said what he wanted to hear.

He asked me to take him to the car. I obliged. His son was too busy organizing clean up, pack up and... saying goodbyes as host. I took him outside. And he lit a cigarette. And I spent 5 minutes with him. Wondering... why does he take so much time to always ask me if.. I'm happy. That's coming from my father in law.

Did I get the wrong person?

Some things... doesn't change. And some things does.

Laine called Kee up after seeing my condition on Friday night. She was concerned.. Wanted to know if I was in this marriage because it's responsibility. No. Wanted to know if it's only because Steve was doing the right thing. No.

Really.. Thanks for your concern. You girls has been fantastic throughout this entire period. I realise there's still stretches for me to go. I am glad you shared. I am glad you thought me important enough to share with.

I know I've got a good bunch here... My gratitude... is limitless.

Some things... doesn't change.

"My best advise" speech on Friday night, still stands.

Julius : Okay. I will go back to work and do a search on customer database for the name.. "Money"

Some things.. change.

...

Chairwoman is on medical leave today. June is on off day.

I went to work late. I.. procrastinate. I was in the postcode by 10 am. Uploaded some photos and stayed on Yahoo Mess with (V)Gine. We were talking about the night they went out and I was in Cameron Highlands. It was only (V)Gine, Pilot Boy and Kath.

Updates : Pilot Boy is getting a divorce.
News Flash : They have been separated for 2 years.
Hot News : Baby Zoe was born January 2006. (Go figure)

Updates : Pilot Boy wants to go sing his heart out before Kath leaves. For good. Again.
News Flash : Pilot Boy should know we're not going to be there.
Hot News : Kath.. is probably gonna be the only person there.

Like reminded by (V)Gine, it was 1999 turning 2000. We were having fun. It was one of (U)Gene's private parties that we got invited to. And Pilot Boy have to bring then-stewardess. She.. was a piece of ... uh.. Makes his head turn, Pilot Boy said. To the rest of us, made our stomachs turn. No, we didn't tell Pilot Boy that.

I remember then-stewardess... being in the loo.. for too long... when Pilot Boy said, "Shine, do you mind seeing if she's alright?"

Ah, yes. Sure.

I went in to the loo to see... then-stewardess in the middle cubicle.. hurling stomach content. And her long long hair.. uh.. in the way.. Why do you get yourself this way! This ain't no way to land Pilot Boy! (What can I say, he married her anyway. And is now divorcing her)

I held her as she threw up. I brushed her hair. I wiped her face. I sighed. I frowned. And I held her head back when she wanted to plant it into bowl.

Yes, (V)Gine, it's been that long. That long ago... 6 years and 2 children later... Pilot Boy is jet-setting again?

Some things never change.

The One With The Tie

Knew just where to find me. This morning as I blogged.

Came for a pit stop. I was impressed. So impressed I was.. almost grinning. But I was too busy squinting from the sun, bright outside...

5 pictures later. He left.

I smiled after he left. I am so absolutely transparent. JC was right. I might as well make Planet Starbucks my office.

Silver linings, Shine. Silver linings... Right now in the late evening... reflect. It was good. It's a good day to be back in the office. Not bad.. not bad at all... You laughed, you spent time with June, you spent 5 pictures time with The One With The Tie (without The Tie today) Boss wasn't in, The Ego wasn't in, Zero didn't come over... Yeah, it's been a good day.. Now shut down and go home...

Enough greys. No more greys. Just keep focused. The One With The Tie although without The Tie, had a pitstop. You should.. be thankful.

Who knows when you'd see The One again probably with Pink Card soon.

Overrated.

Over anticipated.

Pink card, mentioned too long. Not actioned upon. Shine. Get off your ass. And get it.. done.

I'm in the mood for Blade tonight. Must be all the gore.

Good night.

When everything feels grey...

And reading Qert's blog made you realise... there is so much pain going around this world, enough to last lifetimes.

I had late dinner with June. She was.. gonna call me back since 5ish today. She didn't. And I had to go downstairs to her desk and stare and talk to her till she gave in. She was on the phone with her sister. (Her sister doesn't like me. Said I talk to much) So as June was talking to her sister, Rudy and I was making our own conversation of June and sis. Okay, at this point, I have just hung up the phone with June. I had to ask her what her sister's name was. June is June, because she's born on the month of June. Her sister was also something to that effect... and I forgot what it was, so I called her to ask.

Eh, your sister what name ar?

"Awallati"

Huh? What month is that?!

"No.. she's born on Awal Muharram?"

Ha?

"You know what is Awal Muharram or not?"

Err...?

"Go look at the Public Holiday list lah!"

Oh.. Wait.. is it.. Prophet Mohammad's Birthday?"

"NO LAH. That's Prophet Mohammad's birthday, not my sister's birthday!"

Oops.. I got no calender lah!

"Oi. How lah you work like that? Trouble Centre got NO CALENDER?"

No.. sorry.. I mean.. (HHAHAHAHHAHAA) I mean... I printed the calender off the internet. So I don't have any Public Holiday lists on it.

"So cheapskateeeee" HAHHAHAHHAHAHA

HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA.. Wait.. Wait... is it.. Hari Raja Haji?!

"NO LAH!! That one is sacrifice lah! Don't chop my sister!"

Oh.. sorry. (HAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHA) I'm sorry... okay let me try again...

"AI YOH! You don't know Awal Muharram?!"

HHAHAHHAHAHAHA... Sorry.. Let me try again.. Is it.. the Islamic New Year?

"Yes lah! How many tries you need?!"

HAHHAHHAHAA... Please stop.. my stomach is hurting..

"Why you want to know her name?"

I'm trying to blog her. I remember she doesn't like me.

"Oh, you know to know how to spell her name?"

What for! I am just going to call her the girl who was born on Awal Muharram.



40 seconds later as I write this blog...


June... how do you spell... her name?

"Ai yoh! I thought you didn't want to blog her name?!!"

HAHHAHAHAHHAHA (we both couldn't stop laughing)

"Shine, don't call anymore. We won't be able to get any work done!"

HAHHAHAHaHAHAHHAhahahaahHAHHAA....

There's no wonder how my bubbly queen can pick me up so easily. She being labled frown queen by everyone and me included... has a new name... my bubbly queen. Never fails to pick me up with laughs.

Thanks for double dosage today with dinner... and the telephone conversations... Your sister who hates me, is indeed a great topic to blog! :D

CY is as CY does...

I got back to office today.. and I got into office the moment the caffeine had me bouncing off walls and sweating bullets.

I went to the office first to put down the lugging lap and the laden despatch bag. This wasn't like Steve's office. He went back to a desk with a card filled with signatures and well wishes, and some gifts. I went back to a desk full of reports for me to compile and ... an office full of girls that was... to busy doing their own shit.

I called CY and said.. hey I'm back!

"Yay! It's Thursday 18th!"

Yeah... it is... say... I'm hungry..

"Okay no prob! I got it"

Thanks da.

Later I texted, "Also... reload hotlink 10 bucks. Thanks"

"ok"

Half an hour later... what arrived at my desk was CY, my tapao box and.. my green tea with lemon Justea. With straw.

I'm so blessed. It's good to be back...

Look over there!

Yes, make sure you look at the direction I am pointing at when we take pictures together. There was at least 7 cameras following me throughout the day. Jules point two, Jerri one, Kee one, Laine one, Sharon one, Casey one, Cat one.

This was when I caught Chairwoman in the lobby and I had to go brush up some foundation on her black. :D I am so totally evil.

Yes, right camera, right person, right dress, right look.

June : Something's missing in the picture...
Huh?
June : I know! It's the Oscar!!

June, June... What will I do without you? What and who would I yell at when the incompetent girl at the front desk swiped my chip card? Who would I write thank you notes attached with my beautiful photo... Heh. Who would I turn to for some bubbles of laughter? Who would I turn to... for some heavy duty texting? Who would I be turning from frown queen to bubbly queen? Who would make me laugh so loud... when said, "Since when Dhilah has MOLE?"

Don't tell her you said that. I won't. So you'd know... it wasn't me!

Thanks... thanks for the room assignment. Next time, put us all on smoking floor. :P

Beautiful Girls..

R - L : Casey, Laine, Kee, Cat, me, Jules, Sharon

Casey : Thanks for being there. I was pleasantly surprised. Because I knew with your tight schedule and Ryan's condition, you were probably not gonna be able to make it so early in the morning! But thank you for being there. I made sure Kee's got your hand corsage as well. It's good to see you wearing it and smiling... Thank you girls... I truly appreciate. I knew that you girls were there through thick and thin, and I am so blessed..

In 2008 when it is your turn, you know you can count on me...

Thank you. I don't know how to say more than this...

A whole bunch of gratitude!

L - R : Cat, Jules, Yen, Me, Kee, Laine, Sharon

Whole bunch of gratitude...

Cat : Thanks for cancelling your classes to make sure you are there at my place bright early in the morning at 7.30 am! When the only other person around besides my mom, my dad, my sis, my bro-in-law, Jules and Ting... Thanks for being there bright early in the morning and bringing extra memory stick and batteries!

Jules : Thanks for ensuring I am up and hopping when you got here at 7 am. Thanks for carrying me, my despatch bag, my blotters, my lipgloss, my hand bouquet, my camera, for putting up with my impatience, my yelling, my quietly loudly, my room key, my office key, my tissue, my pashmina, my everything. You were it. You were the one who made me feel truly truly grateful that I have only this one day to look so pretty and you kept me posing, you kept me rythmically aware of my every movement being poised. I was having fun. I am sorry if I yelled. I realise that I am not perfect. Thank you for making me look great in the pictures. Great in the dresses. Great in poise. Thank you..

Yen : Thanks for bringing your brother. Or else my husband would be stuck in the Mercedez-like car.. till now!

Kee : How do I even begin to count my blessings when it comes to you? If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be having dead-leaves invites, I wouldn't be having a hand corsage for each and every one of my beautiful bridesmaid. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have dessert on my hen's night. And if it wasn't for you... who would have gotten me to and from Eve's place to make sure I had chicken backside for hairstyle for my dinner?! Thank you for the guest book. Without it, I wouldn't have known so many people... were willing to write down what they TRULY feel for us. HAHHAHAHA..

Laine : If it wasn't for you and Eric, we wouldn't have a venue for my hen's night. Thanks. If it wasn't for your brilliant ideas and Eric's thick accent, Steve wouldn't have been stumped on the first round!

Sharon : Thank you for loan of your husband as the driver, the loan of your Mercedez-like car for the bridal car, for the loan of your son Jay Ven to baby sit me while I was stuck in a cold empty fitting room, for loan of the car to be strung up with teddy bears, for loan of your brilliant mind in storing me in the next room (who would have thought?) and for loan of yourself being one of the bridesmaid and in organising that I have perfect pick up timings. For loan of your husband to grocery shop on our behalf, for loan of the space in your home for storage.. Thank you. I am truly blessed. Thank you...

Another bunch of gratitude coming up soon!

Gone For A Week

No more knock-knock from inside jar for a while for me! I've gone and left rude mail auto responders on my emails. Go ahead. Welcomed for tries this time.



Yo, you. Another one for the hall of fame? Wait a week.

My cousin Julius

This is a picture of my cousin Julius and I. We were in KLCC. Somehow I don't remember who took this picture. Because everywhere we went when we go out.. is just the two of us. We must have stopped the boy .. oh yeah.. I remember who took it now. :)

This was in February.

Julius.. lives 2 blocks away. On the morning of my wedding registration.. she came into my room..

"Oi. Don't want to wake up ar?"

Hmph

"Wake up lah. What time already. Don't want to get married?"

Go away.

"Wake up.. come.. wake up.."

No. Just go away.

"Eh, see.. see.. come see.. the mosquitoe bit my eye" (then she points)

(for entertainment sake hoping she leaves after I look, I turned to face Julius) Yeah.. why the mosquitoe bite your ear?

"MY EYE LAH! YOU DON'T PASS. WAKE UP!!!!!!!"

and she pulls me out of bed.


If you have important things to get to, like an appointment with the registrar, yes, someone like Julius is very good to have around. Besides that, be prepared to have your seams splitting. Yes, bring your sewing kit with you. Or better, I bring my mom.

So with Jules, more important tasks coming to her this weekend. My wake up call is at 6 am. Guess what time she'll be in my room already.

Absense

I have been absent from this blog. But present somewhere else.. Somewhere very far away.

There has been no update because. I. Was. Told. Off. Surfing. The. Internet. While. On. Duty.

Melancholic

I don't know what it was this morning.. I came in to the office and uploaded The Collection album.. And started singing Alanis Alanis style. Bad idea. You kill your team members. With your singing and their appetite. Bad. Bad bad bad.

Try picturing singing my angry song and don't wear a frown. That's next to impossible, right.
And then.. there was that email I wrote and it was true.. Over the weekend, I did think about JC. And it was right. Everything I described him, ever, was right. Was true. He knew what it was that made me tick.

Which was what made me click on his nick this afternoon. I've always seen him online, but I've never clicked on him. Till this afternoon.

And we started talking. Wasn't the best decision I made today. But it was heavy. And it was difficult. He said, "Can I be brutally honest with you?"

Yes, be brutal.

And he was. He went totally brutal honest, painful to the core honest.. He was that. And I expected that of him. I knew he was gonna do that. And I react.. "HAHAHHAHAHHAA :))"

His reply.. "Good reaction.."

No, it wasn't. I wasn't impressed. So don't..

JC : "I miss talking"

I still talk a lot.. But talking..?

JC : "Yes, talking.. You remember do you?"

I was naturally loud..

JC : "Everybody heard you."

I am naturally loud..

JC : "And you know I heard you, right?"

What was I thinking when I started the conversation. What was I thinking!!
But boy did JC know me.. I remained quietly there but not there throughout the evening.

And when I moved my lap out to Planet Starbucks to blog, he said.. "Connection is so much faster and only the price of a cup of coffee"

I didn't even buy that.

JC : "Well, that's like your second home, in'it?"

Ah... yes..

JC : "Ever thought of opening a franchise on your own?"

Not chartered in my direction at the moment.. No.

JC : "Coffee and internet, you could eat and sleep there"

Yes, with it being so close to office!

JC : "or not even close. Make it your office."

People always knew.. People always knew what it was that made me tick. Did I forget to leave the cloaking device on? Did I forget to play the defense? Am I such an open book to read? Qert has always been able to read me like a book. And I thought it was that way because I let Qert do that.

As I sat through the evening listening to John Mayer's Room for Squares.. Everything John Mayer reminds me of JC. And I realise I honestly have trouble disassociating.

No regrets. Nothing. Just realised that we are such estrangled friends now.

Jerri Berry and Tanned Tom

Jerri Berry was in Langkawi. For almost a week.Check out pictures of their adventures!


By the time she came home... It was too late.. There was the "next" thing to be excited about.. My wedding album.

Kee picked me up from office and we went to pick up the wedding album. After that, she sent me home. And then when Jerri got home, with her souvenirs and her photos and her excited stories, everybody (all mom, dad and Kee + partner) were engrossed in my photos. Well, if you can't beat them, join them. So she did.. She put her stuff down and joined us in awe.

When Tom walked in the door. Boy. Now that was a total misdirection that worked. We gasped. Tom was tanned.

Guess which of the pictures above made it as my new wallpaper.