I miss my mom!!

Because I miss my mom, I'm going to do something totally crazy.

I'm going to take the bus this afternoon to get to The Land of Cheap DVDs to meet my mom, my dad, my sis and my bro-in-law! I feel so crazy.

I feel so rebellious.

I quick texted Stiff and received no reply.

No searching for cliche. It's no longer a cliche.

I miss my mom so much. When I called her to tell her about my crazy plan, she said, "Why wait till 3??!! Come now!!!"

Sigh... JMA was right when he said it runs in the family!!

Gone

I woke up this morning, again not by my alarm clock. I didn't need one. My parents are leaving today. I was gonna get up in a bit anyway.

If I drive, I'd have dropped them off at the railway station. But I don't. Yes, I work. But I'd have made allowances to first drop my parents off. They are gonna be going away for 12 days. I won't be seeing them for 12 days. I just cannot believe it. I have never been away from my parents for more than 11 days.

Two days ago, like everything else happening right there, right then, was so easily said and then just... brushed aside. This morning when my dad dropped my mom and me at KL Sentral, I feel heavy watching my dad drive home and then walk out again. All this could have been solved, only if. Well, I cannot blame anyone. I can only blame me for refusing to drive.

I hugged my mom when I first woke up this morning. Because I'm not gonna hug her anytime soon. I hugged my mom at least 3 times this morning and told her to have fun, not to worry about me, and I love her. And as I said all those things, I cried. Because I know she would worry about me, just as I would worry about me. I mean... all those few days I'm worried over what would happen to me, what could happen to me.

I'm so ashamed that I cried. Because when I cry, I know she couldn't bear to go on holiday. Just as it was 4 years ago when she left to go Shanghai. I got so sick when she wasn't around. My sister got so worried that she moved me up to her place with her, just so I wasn't gonna be alone.

Well, now, my sister's with my mom. And I'm home alone. I'm gonna have to give Jules a call. It's a preview of what's about to happen. I know it. It's my opportunity to glimpse this in advance, this time next year. Wow. At that point, my closest and only, would be Flo. (or maybe Flo's mom)

I don't know what could be worse. But I think it is the fact that my mom is away from me for so long and I would have no family except for Jules. I hate it.

My mom texted me as her bus got in motion. And she texted me just as she arrived. My sister has picked her up from the station. I feel so abandoned.


If it's these tears you are seeing, it's for my mom. It's for my lost sense of belonging. It's for the wonderful food that they will be having and I WON'T BE. It's for that wonderful shopping my sis and my mom will be having and I WON'T BE.

I replied my mom's text and said, "Thanks for letting me know. You enjoy your holiday. I miss you already." And then let out what I felt inside.

I didn't swim today. I wanted to. But I didn't. My pattern was already broken this morning when I left them at KL Sentral.




Okay. Focus.

When x bothers you, do y.


I need y for the next 5 days.

When Thursday Is Here...

The weekend is near.

Kee came up with this line when she was with Plaza. Central. Or something like that.

It's the weekend again. Last week this time, I was probably blogging. I don't know what's gonna happen this weekend. It is a different weekend. Very different. And when I mean being home alone, I mean being home alone.

Tom & Jerri left early this morning to The Land of Cheap DVDs. They arrived as I got into office. Ya, at that time my sissy found it suitable to reply my sms. Not like she was driving also!

Tomorrow morning, mom and dad will leave on the 10.00 am bus to The Land of Cheap DVDs. The entire family is going to be at The Land of Cheap DVDs. Except me.

I'm going to stay home, rot and die for the next 4 days, before we make it to Roses' place.

And then Stiff is going to be home alone. For the entire 5 days.

My parents won't be back from The Land of Cheap DVDs until 2nd Jan. My sissy, I won't see her till the night of 28th Dec.

I am going to rot and die at home and nobody would know. I can't go out. I got no money.

I know my sissy will mms me pictures of the glorious food they will be having at The Land of Cheap DVDs. And then text me about the entire cave of DVDs that she's just bought. Great.... I'm gonna be home, alone, hungry, deprived.


I somehow think it's going to go unnoticed. If it does, I'll just crash at Jules'.




I don't know what to hate more : The fact that the weekend is coming up, the festive holidays are here, or if it's about spending it alone.

Shall We Dance

I was home alone last night. Just as I was the night before. And I made friends with the Astro remote.

I remember when I first watched this movie, in KLCC TGV with Chairwoman. I remember when I watched this movie for the second time, I hated it so much I switched it off halfway.

I watched this movie last night. Thankfully not from the beginning, just close to the end where it was slightly more comfortable to watch.

I miss dancing. I miss the floor, I miss the mirror, I miss the audiences, I miss the posture, I miss the excitement, I miss the preparation, I miss my leotards, I miss having my palms bandaged, I miss the studio, I miss everything about dancing. I absolutely miss it.

And when I watch this movie, all I want to do is be out there again.

Being able to let go.... I'm looking forward to that day. When it doesn't hurt anymore.

Janji Tinggal Janji

Tibalah kita di penghujung persimpangan
Di penghujung jalan cinta kita berdua
Terpaksa ku relakan tak daya ku halangkan
Kerna ku tahu cintamu bukan lagi milikku

Menanti hatimu kembali padaku
Menanti purnama jatuh ke riba
Beratnya di mata sebaknya di dada
Melihat kau bersama dirinya

Gadis ku yang ku pinta hanyalah satu
Semadikanlah kenanganmu bersamaku
Walau ditakdirkan tak bersama lagi
Kau gadis pertama yang ku cintai
Oh kasih sebelum kau melangkah pergi
Ke pangkuan teman baru yang kau sanjungi
Lihat ke mataku lihat lah padaku
Lihatlah air mata di mataku kerna mu

Kau pernah berkata
Cintamu adalah selamanya
Rembulan menjadi saksi
Janji Tinggal Janji
Kata pada diri ini
Di mana kan ku cari ganti?
Gadis seistimewa
Senyuman penawar hati duka

Takkan ku rayu kembali padaku
Walau di hatiku terasa rindu
Beratnya di mata sebaknya di dada
Mengapa sanggup diriku kau luka




I remember the lyrics to this song like the the verses of Casablanca. I recently found my KRUmania album again in the storeroom (my old room) and took it with me to office. I wanted to load it on my iTunes, but keep forgetting. So I played it in the car. And in the car the CD stayed.

It was the drive home on Friday noon that I put this album on and let it play. I love KRU. Don't know why. Particularly, I love this album. When it came to this song, I let out silent tears. This song always makes me feel that way.

And now for some fun....

Tired. I came back tired. Tired from all that smoke, tired from all the people around me speaking Hokkien, tired of staying up late, tired of waking up early, tired of tired.

And just for kicks, Jules and I went window shopping. Well, at least I did. I tried on a million baju and didn't buy anything. I'm brilliant. Window shopping eliminates my drooling of all the beautiful window displays.

I tried on this baju in Topshop, or was it Dor Perks? Too many, couldn't remember. And I love this baju. It's so 80s. I made Jules take a pic, so I can go home and show it to mom. I want a baju just like this!

See my tired eyes!! See my tired face!! Tired Tired Tired.

Ya, we also watched Dejavu while we were at it. I spent all day outside, with Jules and watched her shop at MNG. That's when we both ensured the cashier did take out that stupid tag.

We don't want the same mistake to happen to us again.

And stupid silly Jusco still did not call. No hamper arrived. No apology letter arrived.
Deslex, letter from your office please!!

Pantang

Meaning : Red pants.

Okay. Maybe not.

I wasn't allowed to take any pictures.

But that bamboo thingy the prayer lady keep waving around while everyone was with their heads bowed and holding their josstick in silence, so fascinated me. I just had to take a picture of that bamboo thingy with white paper thingy before it too gets burnt.

That's Uncle Edward, btw.

I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to take any pictures. This was when we walked out from the tiny lorong of Jalan Hill into the main road. It was some walk of about 15 mins. By then they yelled for us to get into the car. And then it was a 45 mins drive to Temoh.

All this is new to me. My mom did her best in keeping me away from funerals. So I was basically very awed with all this.

The prayers, the jossticks, the bamboo, the smoke, the burning, the origami, the paying respect thing, it is just all so... new to me.

And that ancient looking chinese writing. Who could read that? And what are they chanting?

Okay. All this smoke from all this burning in keeping the bon-fire is irritating me. And my eyes are so sore from all that smoke!

BLEH

Thank God for Amanda. Thank God for Sydney.



Eh... how did I end up with these kids??!! And for makan also with these kids. Makes me feel like a million years old.


Oh yeah... We're the only few here conversing in English while the entire congregation is speaking Hokkien!!

Wa beh hiao kong Hokkien. Mai ka wa kong Hokkien, ok!!!!

Meaning : Hokkienese Unite. Hokkienese Conquer.

Okay. Not! I don't speak Hokkien, what u looking at me for?

No wonder I end up with the kids. We're the next generation not knowing our mother-tongue. And if we didn't speak to each other, we'd have been smoked alive. And then maybe poh2 will have siew chee on the other side ;-)

Who are all these uncles anyway?

Uncles and Aunts

When Sydney and parents arrived, my day was saved. I have been struggling with this paper folding thingy. The end result was supposed to look like some little piece of gold thingy and then it ends up getting burnt so that it gets to the other side.

My day was saved because the Origami champion arrived. Sydney's mom. She sat down and taught the 3 of us how to fold this.

Sydney gave up at her 30th attempt. Aunt BL had to do QC to all our gold thingy. It doesn't look like any piece of gold. Of course, the champion could not produce anything less than champions itself.

After 2 hours, Sydney and I got it right. And Amanda didn't. So she stayed by the fire. And the two if us stayed by the basket.

All our efforts over 2 days went up in flames on a little junction by Jalan Hill on Saturday night.

Sydney pestered me for my slim Pod. She's on my MSN contact and knows that all I was harping about on my messenger, was my slim Pod. It got to her, only to be kidnapped by Uncle Pat. Who then sang out loud to American Woman.

At a funeral.


We all sighed and shook our heads.

It rained heavily on Friday afternoon and Saturday night. It was probably the only sound to drown out our hushed sobs and supressed giggles (me and Amanda) But I did shed tears. Tears, at the fact that I cannot let go.

Death was such an easy option. It's a no brainer.

But is it a closure?

Mandy

There's 2 Mandy's in the family. I've only just noticed. She's always been Amanda to me. I've met her like... 4 times. My BIL's tea ceremony. My BIL's wedding dinner. My tea ceremony. My wedding dinner.

And we're brought together again this year with this funeral.

This is Amanda, daughter of Edward (adopted) son of the deceased, sister of Fabian in KK uni now, cousin of Sydney.

The 3 of us, (me Sydney and Mandy) will probably be banned from the next funeral. We sat together. Amanda and father, Edward, arrived from Slim River on Friday night. Sydney and parents, arrived on Saturday afternoon.

It's a small tight family.

Uncle Edward has 3 younger brothers, Pat, Andrew and Albert. Uncle Pat, father of Sydney, is the funniest and craziest there is.

In fact, the family is so tight we're meeting up on Saturday night to do the family thing.

Just great. I'll try to blog Sydney next.

ILs.

The call came on early Friday morning at about 2 am. Both of us were fast asleep. My FIL had no choice but to call my home phone. My dad, suspecting prank calls, picked up with an abrupt "Hello!"

And my FIL came on the line, "I'm sorry to call this late, but I wanted to let Stiff know that....."

At 4 ish, Stiff woke up coughing. And I was irritated. I got up as well. That was whem my mom came to the room to inform us.

The right thing to do is get some rest, we'll wake up again and take the drive home. I went back to bed.

And Stiff went to work. When he came home at noon, we drove back home.

My MIL knew this was coming. It ended her frustration and it ended her mom's suffering. It was expected. Just ironic. Ironic how my MIL used her to guilt trip me only to have it slapping at her face.

I did my duty. I stayed as required.

For 4 days I stayed. Maybe my MIL will finally get some rest. Hopefully soon her appetite will return.

And no, I didn't catch up much with her when she was alive. But while I was in TI, I made some friends. Family. We're now family. And brought together by this funeral.

I'll blog some pictures and try to understand how this small family is so complicated.

No more condolences please.

New Routine

Hey, did Uncle Bobby get his attention?

Yup. If he didn't, I'd have gotten an ass whopping by now.

Okay.

Ya.

Hey, I wanted to let you know. I've got a new routine now. So that I could focus on something.

SILLY GIRL. Your safety net should first be God.

Yaaaaaaa

And you know the old Qert won't be saying stuff like that. So you know I'm going through this phase in growing up and getting things ready with Min.

Yaaaaaaa

And good, keep floating. You go, girl.



Yeah, so. Today is only Day 2. I take my lunch hour and I go floating. At least for 15 minutes I do move some part of me. Not just spending all the time at my desk having this headache that won't go away, feeling like this is the end of the world and like this is everything being robbed.

I've had a few pleasant phone calls besides this. My previous trusted No. 2 called me up yesterday with some updates. She's gone to Boss with signature frown and handed in her letter. Okay, if that's what she wants.

Because I have a drawer, I have this Mars bar that has been sitting there; just in case.
Today, when my headache from yesterday didn't go away, I took that Mars bar out and stuffed my face.

Then sat down to further wallow, "What's the point?! WHAT'S THE POINT I go floating everyday just to stuff my face with Mars Bar?!!"

And then I went back to my number crunching. And figuring out a way to put this right. This is good. I've been waiting since April to have this headache. It's good for business. I must do this right.

I peer to the cubicle across from mine and wonder, "How does he do it? How does he remain so detached with all these negative numbers looking back at him?"




Okay. Enough about the Island. Back to figuring this out about my mountain.


Sigh...

Pissyness Is Contagious

Pissyness is contagious. I'm going to say it again, in bold now, pissyness is contagious.

Bert Bird was late. So because he is late, and Jules won't say anything, I decided to go without him. Go to our usual place, with our usual way. And since she was not feeling too good about Bert Bird being "nonchalant" about this "date", I decided to infect her with the usual, pick-me-up food. Even if it doesn't satisfy her feelings, it should satisfy her stomach : Banana leaf rice.

So we went and had that. After that, all I felt like was sleeping.

But no, the day could only get better. First things first, we went to get coffee. Then we started to wait, wait in line for half an hour to get movie tickets for A Battle Of Wits. The thing about me is, I enjoy war movies. The thing about Jules is, she likes Andy Lau. So it works good for us.

In between waiting for our movie, we shopped. We could only squeeze in some window shopping.

After the movie was where things got better. We bought ourselves each a clutch bag. And instead of going to Metro, she wants to go to Jusco. She insisted. "Things are cheaper there, we could buy more!!"

Wrong mentality to ever go to Jusco with.

I mean, okay, I saw a great looking dress that does it for me. Bought a great pair of bra and g-string to go with it, everything working for my sexy back. We left the place with a smile, and in hopes of hunting some pretty pretty shoes. (Okay, me. Not Jules)

The alarm detectors went off. We were both escorted by 3 security personnel who then went through our purchases of bras and g-strings.

Jules got irritated at this point. That man was man-handling our bras and g-strings. Asked us rudely for the receipt and proceeded to check all our purchases.

He said to us, "Go to the nearest cashier counter and have this removed". And showed us the tag.

And I looked at him and said, "Is this my problem? I won't go. You go".

Everybody is looking at us at this point.

We were surrounded by three other men with jackets and big bellies protruding to Jules and I. Being squeezed together, not by choice.

Jules took my beautiful pair of sexy back and marched to the same counter where we paid.

The cashier removed the tag without any apology. When Jules demanded for one, he only waved his hand at us dismissingly and said, "Whatever lah!"

Okay. At this point, Jules was the only person pissed. But remember, I said pissyness is contagious.

I followed Jules as she marched up to 3rd floor to the Service Counter. Where she loudly said, "I want to see the Store Manager".

Okay. Jusco has the slowest recovery time. They just couldn't be bothered. Almost like Uncle GT Lim's hotels.

The girl called the "supervisor" and he appeared in 8 minutes. With no apology. I asked him for the Store Manager's business card and he told me he will get it from the office.

At this point, he left the two of us standing there for 15 minutes.

Maybe my brains was lagging. Maybe I was feeling a little jarred by this. But the reality of the fact didn't hit me until I was left standing there for 15 minutes. Jules was fuming and I was just.

When the "supervisor" appeared again, this time with the Assistant Store Manager, I was spitting fire. I was angry and I was being nice about it. I even thanked her for apologizing. And then, I sabo-ed the "supervisor". If his cashier did remove the tag in the first place, we would all not be here.



And wait, you put the tag on to prevent people from buying or or to prevent people from stealing it? And why do you then treat the people buying it like the people stealing it?



My apology letter arrives tomorrow. Hand delivered.

We'll see.


And yes, Jules' safety net worked for her.

Julius - My JT

Julius texted me today. Out of the blue. Must be because she sensed my phone is back in action.

But eitherway, I'm glad she did. I have yet to caught up with her if she's still confused.

Right now, I don't know if confused is good. Because tomorrow, she has Confused for company. And I'm her safety net.


This is the girl who woke me up the morning of my registration. This is the girl who held me the night I almost killed Henry (Vallier-Cheh) and this is the girl who will be exploring her confused state.

And hopefully, I don't rub off wrong with her.

4 letter words

Okay. Deslex talked about this on his posting, Crazy Little Thing Called Love. But I am going to talk about another 4 letter word this evening.

Time.

Time was probably the only thing I asked for and couldn't get. I could have had everything, but time. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to clarify it. But it was.

A chat in the evening with him and I was all teary eyed and went looking for staircase. Chairwoman is not at work today. She's down with a fever. I couldn't go looking for her either. She's sick and she's home alone. All she had was me on text. All I had was Chairwoman on text.

Back To You

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away


Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on,
I'll never give up on you,
Leave the light on,
For me too, for me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be


I like this song. I like this tune. And I really like how John Mayer sings it. This, Why Georgia and City Love is my favourite 3 songs from Room For Squares. A few other songs are okay, like No Such Thing. But I know which one is JC's favourite : 1983.

It's really weird. Because I find myself thinking now of JC. Not that I want to. There are better things to think about.

When x bothers you, do y.

y = ??

Young and Dangerous

This is how Chinese Triads shows should be. Real. Bloody. And no limitation of what one person can do to another.

Similarly, last night, it was the birthday of a fellow mud friend. And Stiff told me early on Saturday morning that I need to show face. That probably led to me needing to strengthen myself up. 12 pax. China Bluez. Not going to be very nice.

Not funny. Not funny at all.

The gang gathered at China Bluez way too early. Too early to start the night. Because knowing mud friends, they go on till 4 am and then followed by fish-head curry for breakfast.

Just thinking of it to blog this makes me feel so mentally exhausted.

Out of 12 pax, only 3 which are girls. I held my grounds. And I fended my glass. No one came around me anymore.

These Young and Bengerous boys... need to grow up.


We left early, because if it's a game of dare, they know where they'd be. Yes, early meaning at 2 am. Stiff and I were still sober. Only 10 bottles between 12 pax over 3 hours. We held steady conversations. In fact, I even showered, blow dry my hair and finished Bridget Jones : The Edge of Reason. And then went to bed.

See, I'm all squeaky and shiney today. No cause for alarm. Everything is good. I'm manning the booth. All is smooth.

Dallas

Did anyone used to watch Dallas? I can still remember the god-damned theme to Dallas.

Tomorrow Never Dies, GoldenEye and then The Living Daylights. For it not the Bond Marathon on Star Movies, I'd never have noticed he also played Whitaker in The Living Daylights.

After 007 had Whitaker flatted with a statue he said, "He met his Waterloo".

What? He wasn't in Dallas? Oh well.




Yo pretty ladies around the world
Got a weird thing to show you
So tell all the boys and girls
Tell your brother, your sister and your mamma too
We're about to go down
And you know just what to do
Wave your hands in the air like you don't care
Glide by the people as they start to look and stare
Do your dance, do your dance, do your dance quick mom
Come on baby tell me what's the word

Word up (up up) everybody say
When you hear the call you've got to get it under way
Word up (up up) it's the code word
No matter where you say it you know that you'll be heard

Now all you sucker DJ's who think you're fly
There's got to be a reason and we know the reason why
You try to put on those airs and act real cool
But you got to realize that you're acting like fools
If there's music we can use it
Be free to dance
We don't have the time for psychological romance
No romance, no romance, no romance for me mom
Come on baby tell me what's the word

Word up (up up) everybody say
When you hear the call you've got to get it under way
Word up (up up) it's the code word
No matter where you say it you know that you'll be heard

Word up (up up) everybody say
When you hear the call you've got to get it under way
Word up (up up) it's the code word
No matter where you say it you know that you'll be heard

Word up (up up) everybody say
When you hear the call you've got to get it under way
Word up (up up) it's the code word
No matter where you say it you know that you'll be heard

Harry On Broadway

Harry Connick, Jr. This is the album playing on brick this evening.

And I couldn't find anywhere to the lyrics to Her Is.
Such a cute catchy tune.

Brick music for a change while charging slim Pod. Mostly brick is just for that 5 albums of Alanis Morissette. But today don't feel like Alanis Morissette.

Maybe that few selected INXS does sound better. It's about getting my syallabus started.

Because it's Friday-I'm-In-Love, I infected Deslex on getting his blog posting to follow suit, Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

KKAKAKAKAKAKAKA...

Tomorrow is going to be a good day, regardless if I make it or not to O&S.

Grey's Anatomy

Okay. McDreamy and McHot in the same picture. Where did Meredith think she's gonna stand? Btw, the pic's put together rather ugly.

Okay. Season 3. Now McDreamy and McHot stands out. I need to get my hands on Season 3.

The end of Season 2 had McVet holding his hand out to Meredith. And Meredith was, uh.. looking at McDreamy. McHot walked outside to wait for McDreamy.

Girl, McDreamy's McMarried!

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I know, I prefer the Queen version too.

And I was one of the people who always thought it was an Elvis song. I'm glad I cleared that up today.

This 2Gs were indeed my syllabus for my School of Rock.

I feel so tired. My last day off was Wednesday 29th November. I spent that day having late lunch with my parents of banana leaf rice. This Friday-I'm-in-love, office is down by two. OOO.

Tomorrow is a much looked-forward day off.

I'm thinking of an early morning, with weekend food of maybe brunch at O&S in Paramount Garden. I haven't been there in ages. In ages meaning 400 years. One LRT ride away! Taman Bahagia.

Sunday back at the booth!


*sigh*

Stupid Trax

Stupid Trax FM that we're tuned into speaks a lot and plays very old music. Does anybody remember when Trax FM was still Radio 4? And there was Patrick Teoh in the afternoon, Ganesh in the evening? Oh my god. Or if anybody remember FLY GUY and Lil Kev on Hitz Morning Crew?

I hate Fly Guy right from THR (Time Highway Radio) I think it was 1995 when THR came around. 99.2 MHz? In school, we were always debating which station to stay tuned into. Hitz or Mix.

My FIL in on permanent Light & Easy.
My dad is on permanent Trax FM.
My mom just goes with whatever is.

Tom & Jerri doesn't listen to the radio. They listen to tapes, or CDs. Really depends on what they get their hands on. Their latest after Napoleon Hill's Law of Success is The Late Chief Reverand Dhammananda's teachings. They have this thing they're putting together... Their Success Library.

I'm so glad they are both spending time enriching their lives as well as others by the missionary trips they are always on over weekends.

Trax FM played 2 John Mayer songs over a period of 2 hours. Then went on to play Billy Joel and Janet Jackson. I feel ancient.

I somehow find it so difficult to believe that no one in this office remembered that Keanu Reeves was in the video of Rush Rush.

But everybody knows Keanu Reeves did Speed. And nobody forgot the is The One.

Seraph : The Oracle has many enemies, I had to be sure.
The One : Of what?
Seraph : That you were The One.
The One : You could've just asked.
Seraph : You do not truly know someone until you fight them.

No Such Thing

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve


They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side


I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above


So the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits and
Maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies


They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side


I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above


I am invincible(3x)
As long as I'm alive


I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above


I just can't wait 'til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

Who Did You Think I Was

I got half a smile and zero shame
I got a reflection with a different name
Got a brand new blues I can't explain
Who did you think I was

Every mornin when the day begins
I make up my mind but change it back again
I'm a shifter of the shape I'm in
Who did you think I was

You got my number but I always knew the score
Who did you think I was

Am I the one who plays the quiet songs
Is He the one who turns the ladies on
Will I keep shinin til my light is gone
Who did you think I was

You got my number but I always knew the score
Who did you think I was

Here is a line that you won't understand
I'm half of the boy but twice the man
Carry the weight of the world in the palm of my hand
Who did you think I was

Free

Free standing. Free falling. Free wheeling. Free logging. Free blogging. Free space. Free your mind. Free Free Free.

Mch.

Monday night, for fun's sake, I put on Matrix Reloaded. I don't know what came over me. I remember JC and I going for Matrix Reloaded. And we were the only two monkeys staying back for the last 10 seconds after the credits. And I remember when I officially saw the movie again, I fell asleep throughout. Morpheus was talking too much.

Then I remember the last time I stayed back for the bits after the credit. Silly Vagina. It was X-Men 3.

Tuesday night, The Election. Another artsy-fartsy Chinese Triads do. All the Chinese Triads show seem artsy-fartsy after Infernal Affairs. Jeez. A lot of talking, too little action of blood and gore. The music score is too twangy. So not my thang. I went to bed.

Because I am no longer the one waiting up for midnight in the moonshine, I fall asleep everytime I put on a movie.

Last night, I left at 10ish. By the time I got home, Gil's team was digging up some backyard. I showered and put on something that never fail to amuse me. Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle. LOL. I don't remember how many times I have seen this movie, how many times I've repeated the lines, how many times I've mimicked Stephen Chow running. That was my favourite scene. And I subsequently went to bed.

This morning, on my mobile : You don't seem to catch csi anymore.

Reply : No. Dropped in priority.



I keep thinking, what's the point? What's the point? What's the point?!!
Yeah, I almost forgot. "There is no spoon".

Free your mind.

Rolling..

Because I am The Wheel Of Fortune!

• There will always be A Better Tomorrow. (Even if it doesn't, there's always John Woo's version)

• Let there be another sale! (Yes, even involuntary helpers close sales. I hope that turns them into not so much a disgrunted involuntary helper)

• I will catch Frostie again. I saw Frostie this morning while walking to work. It was a singing happy Qert in the car. It was probably the low rumble of Frostie. No idea which was which. But it was a familiar car and a better friend, I'm glad I somehow caught it.

• Let there be justice! - The potatoes were rolling along the road after I caught Frostie. I still had a smile on my face as they were rolling pass me at Planet Starbucks. Daniel signaled me to come in for a drink, on the house. I declined. Because I am the Wheel Of Fortune! And I am running late. LOL. To keep that smile on my face, I'm going to try to jump start my day without coffee.
  

• There will be justice! - I was copied into an email later that evening. The Big Potato has spoken!

• There will be love! - I just know there will be, especially between me, Flo and BKT.

• There will be more - Although I didn't catch Chairwoman for a glimpse and quick update, I know pretty soon she will text me. And she did.

• There will be leverage! - Yes, my appraisal's tomorrow. KAKAKKAKAKA

I am Jack's Busted Brain Matter

This is a completely useless post.

I was searching for a cliche. I found something else.
I clicked on and continue my search. Then found better things to do.

I closed my eyes and wished myself far away from Human Remains.

Nothing really changed, except that I no longer find myself waking up alone. Nothing really changed, except that I find myself not the one staying up for midnight in the moonshine anymore. Nothing really changed, except that it's someone else staying up for midnight in the moonshine. Nothing really changed, except that all I am is tired and any time I could spare I just want to sleep. Nothing really changed, Horatio paled; Mac forgotten; Gil still trots. Nothing really changed, except that I have to find and keep track of World Time of different spaces different days. Nothing really changed, except that project desk I have downstairs had no sale since I last graced it. Nothing really changed, I really did lost focus.

Wheel Of Fortune

I'm a religious reader of Vagina's blog.... and this is my result. Probably shocked me more than it could anyone else.

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Ultimately

You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. In what world could you possibly beat me?

Calling A Spade A Spade

Today, I had lunch with Chairwoman and JF. Okay. It wasn't really lunch. By the time I settled the morning, it was already 3.00 pm.

It was the 3 of us, walking to the bank. The 3 of us walking in the shades and stopping where there is only shade or hint of a shadown. It's been such a hot scorching day.

While we were at the bank safe-guarding Chairwoman... (not certain if it's her complimenting assets or of it's the amount she's withdrawing) JF and I stood right in the middle of the counters and started talking about pork.

I so miss pork. With the porkiness I've been lately with so much sleep, I think I'm turning pink. Not a matter of day, minutes maybe.

With calling a spade a spade, I realise that I think a lot of things... A lot of evil and mean things. But to realise them, I don't think I could do it. It was forks in the road, it was a decision to make anyway. But until I came to it, I didn't realise I'm too human. Care-giver, Zero said.

There's no point crying over spilt water, and regardless of how much pain there is to bear, I have to deal with it. The sooner the better.





It was Meredith who lost McDreamy due to McHot and McSteamy wanted McHot and they are living my McLife!!


God damn TV shows, if you think Desperate Housewives is good, talk to my script writer. He'll tell you the story of my life.

Please Be..

"Thank God it didn't happen on your shift!" was probably the greatest thing said today between me and Chairwoman.

What did happen on my shift was, I'm a stellar sale. I sold 2 packages over a period of 4 hours. I found it rather difficult not to pat myself on the back... Like said, my stint of over uh.. 3 or 4 years, I have never had any production sitting at a booth. Yesterday, I did a whooping show-me-the-money sale.

That's setting the benchmark and making it good.

I was singing my own praises for half an hour before I got sick with myself. I left to go home at 7 ish and glad to have caught dinner with my mom.

I crawled into bed at 10, despite Lord of War being on Star Movies. I've been rather depressed of late. My mom doesn't get it. I didn't either. It's only a matter of time. A lot of sleep for the time being, I guess...

I am and have been focusing on y, since x bothers me. And y I have been focusing on since Saturday. Saturday in the office. Saturday on Adorn. Saturday evening. Saturday night.

And I thought it could only get better.

And as usual, I am wrong. It doesn't only just gets better. It gets even better.

This afternoon when Chairwoman was in between petty cash claims and me negotiating with Plat Plus, she said, "I got something interesting to show you."

And that was the biggest mistake I could have done today.

The good (or bad) thing is, I don't have y to focus on right about when I read about the interesting news. And I didn't choose my reaction well enough. Time to up the dosage of Happy Pills.

I thought I have made a conscious decision. I thought I have had my last thoughts, my last dwelling hope this morning on the way to work. I held on to my slim Pod and tried to focus.

Chairwoman held me as I tried to laugh it off. And she said we should do y.

Thank you for being there. Thank you for providing y.

Thank God it didn't happen on your shift! ;-)

Abnormal Weekend

Ti used to work in a retail environment doing PR shit. Today, I spent 20 minutes standing at Adorn bitching with her. How she wished her previous job at the retail environment gave her the benefit of what this retail environment that did this to us have.

Yes, having time to bitch is a luxury. And today, I had a lot of luxurious time. I spent 4 hours manning the booth and had some pretty exclusive company ie bodyguard.

If the big cock of the G was here, he would love this. This was exactly how he saw the booth manned. He would love it with a big smile on his already smug face. And I wanted to give him the pleasure with a backhand.

Tomorrow, I will be at the booth again. In fact, the team has been scheduled for the entire day tomorrow. I am going to be spending my Sunday away from my floor and something is going to go wrong. I'm going to go cranky and I'm probably gonna kill someone.

As it is, it's 9 pm on a Saturday night on Stiff's day off and I'm still in the office. I wish I could kill myself for the priorities I make.

I miss my sissy. I miss my mom. And it feels like ages since I last saw them.

Family with whom you justifies your sole existance...

Why the heck did they make this book a text book in pre-u?!! Oh wait, I didn't go to pre-u. Then who did? Then how did I get this Covey shit? Oh.. the glitzy ritzy. Ahh... Yes, bring that face for a backhand.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm to me, is synonymous with one person. And only one person could pull it off. Probably with the usual Fridays - In Your Face ® standard.

But today, I have had enough. Glam Queen was calling me from 10 am onwards. I was having breakfast with Stiff. And I choose to ignore her calls.

She started calling my office. At 10.20 am when I showed face in the office, Glam Queen has obviously infected her "i'm-in-a-hurry-all-the-time" attitude to my girls. Before I could sit down at my desk to start sorting this out.... Glam Queen is on the line again...

It's been a tiring few days. And I really really wish that some people have work ethics and some decency in being called human in terms of respecting time.

I had to cancel on the team today. And I probably will have a few more hearts to break. Because the emergency situation in hometown is probably turning into a definite.

I called the big M and I bitched around for a minute and then calmly told him, it will be taken care of. Regardless.

Getting the job done, girl.. Getting the job done... Do it good in Boss' absense. Do it brilliant. Let them point fingers. You did your best.

Thank you for sparing the sarcasm. Thank you for buying me late lunch (closer to dinner than lunch) Thank you for The Couch. I needed that laughs. Thank you, Chairwoman.

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart