Not Inspired
It was very weird today. Very weird this morning.
As a habitual creature, I didn't take my anchoring triple shot latte. As a routine person, I didn't take my usual breakfast. As a patterned person, I didn't feel like giving this job 110% like I always do.
What I did do as a routine was steal.
I stole so many things today. Some of which I can't list here, it would be too incriminating. Some of which involves stationaries and printing items. Some of which include so much intangibles.
I also stole an hour to go back to my old lobby. And stole into a kitchen partner-in-crime Rooney and I like to hide in. I went that way after making my orders through the phone and went to round up Rooney. It was so weird... I went to my old lobby to pick up Rooney and went on our way..
In a reality way, the kitchen was the only place in the entire tongue-sticking-out-of-lion place that I was welcomed in. In a strange way, of the entire building, this was the only place that feels like embracing warmth.
I wasn't very up after I came back from lunch and received an email that hit the truth so hard that I realise it's time for me to forgive and move on. And do something for someone else, that makes me feel real and human..
I didn't know what to write when I started this post... But listening to The Cure always has me writing something. Because I know how to relate to pain better than I do with anything else.. Because I know today I crystalised, even waterfalled.
Because I have this painful inability of disassociating. I know I have always struggled with this and when the news came from after lunch hitting truth colder than it did yesterday afternoon... I know I have to be bigger, be better... If I cannot forgive, I have to forget.
And with not giving this job 110% since this week, has got me in a piled up mess.. That I don't know how to undo.
Things has been so different without him. He would probably have kicked me so hard and made me see what it was about this job. Remember his words. Remember that I am here to make a difference. If he had to kick everybody into getting in line, me included, then I have bent his expectations of me.
"Keep your chin up and keep smiling"
As a habitual creature, I didn't take my anchoring triple shot latte. As a routine person, I didn't take my usual breakfast. As a patterned person, I didn't feel like giving this job 110% like I always do.
What I did do as a routine was steal.
I stole so many things today. Some of which I can't list here, it would be too incriminating. Some of which involves stationaries and printing items. Some of which include so much intangibles.
I also stole an hour to go back to my old lobby. And stole into a kitchen partner-in-crime Rooney and I like to hide in. I went that way after making my orders through the phone and went to round up Rooney. It was so weird... I went to my old lobby to pick up Rooney and went on our way..
In a reality way, the kitchen was the only place in the entire tongue-sticking-out-of-lion place that I was welcomed in. In a strange way, of the entire building, this was the only place that feels like embracing warmth.
I wasn't very up after I came back from lunch and received an email that hit the truth so hard that I realise it's time for me to forgive and move on. And do something for someone else, that makes me feel real and human..
I didn't know what to write when I started this post... But listening to The Cure always has me writing something. Because I know how to relate to pain better than I do with anything else.. Because I know today I crystalised, even waterfalled.
Because I have this painful inability of disassociating. I know I have always struggled with this and when the news came from after lunch hitting truth colder than it did yesterday afternoon... I know I have to be bigger, be better... If I cannot forgive, I have to forget.
And with not giving this job 110% since this week, has got me in a piled up mess.. That I don't know how to undo.
Things has been so different without him. He would probably have kicked me so hard and made me see what it was about this job. Remember his words. Remember that I am here to make a difference. If he had to kick everybody into getting in line, me included, then I have bent his expectations of me.
"Keep your chin up and keep smiling"
posted by Shine at 5/30/2006 09:19:00 PM
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