Task Force

I thought it has been apparent. I am part of the Elite team for Special Ops. Then on Friday, my true calling came. It reflected what it means to be a part of the Special Ops.

What it takes to be on this task force :
- thick skin
- being able to say "I'm sorry"
- being able to swallow (One person would be smiling to this sentence)
- being able to think on your toes even when you're distracted
- have team members you can yell at
- lots of Double Shot Latte from Planet Starbucks
- with the above, lots of money to buy expensive coffee from Planet Starbucks
- willingness to work on your day offs (please note the plural)
- willingness to work late on some REPORTS required!
- reluctant to speak to your mortal enemy with whom you wish died in the landslide or fallen off the island

It's been 10 days since my last post. That truly reflects how difficult it has been to be a part of this Special Ops Team.

The Monkey has come and gone. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

From what I gathered from Jason, the farewell party was quite a success with only 7 attendance. Well, what you get at the end is a reflection and reaction of what you give throughout the beginning, isn't it? You get what you give.

With the stellar cast that went for the farewell *sarcasm intended*, (if it was my farewell) I would have well, one song would say it "It's my party and I cry if I want to". I would have walked out on my own party.

My reaction when Jason asked me if I was going : "Would he even show up for his own party?"

Some people are like that, spineless. Some people keep to their words.

The Transporter, he doesn't make promises he cannot keep. That is how I like my men. Just like Steve. Strong, reliable and ambitious.

Some men, already is all that. (and more) He is the pinnacle of finest. Cool, calm, collected. Just simply gorgeous. Doing minuscule things for him makes me happy...

Special Ops

It's one of those unsaid thing... You're one of those so-called supposed "best hidden treasures" thing. They want you, they slot you. They don't want you, they remove you.

I'm part of the Special Ops.

With that comes no recognition and requires mental strengths to stay positive. They can't call you Special Ops. They can't call you anything in particular. They just bring you in and then quietly, you will go.

Qert calls it "Black Ops".

As much Murphy as I try to keep away.. I've been Murphed.

Just when I thought I could settle down and move with my team for the transition period, I've lost it. When I return, my team will no longer be mine. I've lost having the chance to provide positive reinforcement for the team and myself. That's the matter, I delayed it. I should have started from the beginning that it was what I needed to do and didn't.

Isn't life always like that? When you miss the chance, then you regret it.

When I return, my team will be to SY's discretion. And I will have to accept...

Being back in this office makes me feel so jaded. Didn't I spend 2 1/2 years in this office then decide to get out? When I left I felt so liberated.

What I miss about the office I was so happy to be rid of : 5 day week

What I like about being in this office I was once happy to be rid of : I see him

That is my silver lining for this bit. I love him. I love being able to see him.

I love being what is good for him. I know with this love, I won't get hurt. That's why I love him unconditionally.

Craziest bits of rain

It's confirmed. The bits and pieces are falling into place. They who has been throwing ideas like I was throwing candy at John, they who has been throwing words like I was throwing the dice while playing Monopoly (with much glee and wishful thinking), they who has been throwing people and careers like I was with as much care as have I, these french-manicured nails I so religiously love, not scratch onto the side of the resisting staple I was trying to remove.

It was the one that wouldn't go away. It was that one remaining pain.

It has to go.

With this "it", they meant "him".


So the Powers That Be, has decided. He has to go. Off with his head!

Off he went.

I looked forward to being away from the office for a while. I was rescued by the welcoming idea of attending training, however the timing of the training that followed, was immaculate. I have to be the best of friends with Murphy to be able to pull off things like that.

Truly and indeed, I am. I have decided to be the preacher of Murphy, the believer of Murphy and a Murph.
By that, you know what's gonna happen. I swear to be a true Murph, and nothing Murphy ever happens to me.

Here I am, back.

Guess who's back, back again. Shine is back, tell a friend.

Against a willing mind and unwilling heart, I dragged my sorry ass back to the office knowing it is not going to be a good remaining day. It was just too difficult for me to condition my mind about coming back.

My biggest fear, having my leave cancelled, has happened again. I knew it.

Didn't I mention Murphy is the biggest fan of my life?

I have a pained look on my face as I imagine that wild rain outdoors that is beating down unto the pavements with no mercy. That crazy thought went through my head : I will go on leave anyway.

I could get away with this. No one needs to know if you don't tell...

These has been the craziest bits of rain to hit my lobby. I hated it. I hated the rain, I hated being back in this suit, I hated being back in these heels, I absolutely hate being here.

The only good thing about being back today was, I shared the couch.

The crazy, territorial me, shared the couch. It was something I crystalised about and something I truly hold very close to my heart (sanguine) I always crystalise. This time it wasn't Sade, it wasn't Planet Starbucks, it wasn't the coffee, it was just being able to see him after 6 days.

There are silver linings to the day. Sometimes it's having refills to my tomato soup, sometimes it is being able to share Samantha, Miranda, Carrie and Charlotte with fellow colleagues, sometimes it could just be my Shuffle playing Sade's Kiss Of Life. Random as it is, it could happen.

Before I turn into a Murph, I'm telling you, it could happen to you.

Monkey aside, I have been truly happy the last few days being away from the office and still had people, friends and purpose.

Thank you for everyone around me for being supportive. Thank you to those reading this (and those who are not) Thank you for being who you are with me and for letting me be who I am when I'm with you. Thank you for helping me colour this blog and my ultimately candid life.

I love you guys. (gals included!)

The calm before the storm..

There was no pause, there was no warning, there was no silence, there was no hint. It hit us like the tsunami tidal waves. Strong, persistant and inevitable.

It has to happen.

"Someone has to take the blame but it will not be me"

That's me being defensive again. I couldn't help but keep being defensive about it. I was so tight in tension I was about to snap into two. Everyone around me was a victim. My sweet China Doll volunteered to be screamed at. But I'm not the screaming type. I'm the "dounce-you-in-acidic-sarcasm-till-you-turn-into-oblivious-insignificance". Everyone around me was stuffed with my shoe in their face, or had the boot of my every joke, or the pleasure of signing every form I wrote them up on. Somehow one way or another, I wasn't very lady-like about my reaction.

I was informed that it was my prerogative. Seemingly so. I have failed.

They were merciful to me. They embraced me for my stupidity and gave me a redeeming chance.

Was I supposed to go down on my knees and be thankful to them? Them who gave me a measly amount of peanuts and I repay gratitude with these remarks?

Hyprocracy.

My reply, "Hmmmphh"

Watch me. I'll learn how to do it better. By then if I still get peanuts, you can be certain I will be up their ass so high, they can't wait to get rid of me.

Yeah, *snort* I love you too (NOT)

What are you made of?

They say many a things. They say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". That must be some masochistic's view of things. Alanis says, "Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am".

Do you test your limits?

Today I went up to the Tower to watch the display of lightning during the shower in the afternoon. That pleases me. Once again, I am reminded of Almighty Him, who has power and control to throw bolts of jarring pain and torment.

What are you made of?

I have not been able to get through the ghost of the monkey. He still haunts me and was the starring role in the nightmare I had early this morning. Even in my dreams, I will never win. No matter what I do, no matter how I refrain, no matter how I stay in non-reaction, I feel so defeated in this cat-and-mouse thing.

Boss came back to the office today. He was less on my ass than I expected. I gave out a sigh of relieve. I am absolutely exhausted even before he came back. He wanted me to schedule my leave until end of this year.

I have been absolutely restless. I have yet to bleed. So many things going through my head and I feel completely drained and stupid.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Is this what you're made of?

Party People, it's Thursday night!

Thursday night, the usual suspects of the party team got together for C2's farewell. As usual, I'm the self-appointed Uncle Yeoh of the night. I unabashedly took candids and well-posed pictures and has them posted on Yahoo! Photos.

I'm really good. Really really good. I am really glad that Steve had it in his wonderful mind to buy me the digital camera for my birthday last year. That is my most treasured gift. It gave me the power to point and shoot.
License to flash!

You know Murphy... I'm good friends with her. I know Murphy is a she because only a scorned woman would have such torrid humour.
What can go wrong, will go wrong.

I was picked up by Herbie and enjoyed the night clicking away. It was my first time in Herbie since he became a carbon copy. It was definitely something I enjoy.
I know how much you love to be in front of audiences.

We got to the parking to find the monkey in the car on the phone. I think that's so 16. But then it has that cute, oh-so-sweet thing. I cooed, "He's in the car on the phone... That is so in love!"

We were in the lift together and got the a well segregated crowd. The management vs Rank and File. The crowd was that well defined. Almost as if going to HRC, the men on the bar (DOMs) vs the diners.

The night we on well, with me and my "it wasn't me!" It's a classic me.

My friend, JF came to the party with my invitation. I was the only person he knew there. He stayed close by and didn't linger much until I introduced him around the crowd. He gets on pretty well with the team. Disturbingly, we were standing in front of the monkey's humble table.

It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced..

I've said it once, I've said it a million times. Alanis Morissette sings my life. It is one big Murphy and one big Alanis' hits.

Later that night, as I was busy partying and flashing, I received an sms and two phone calls from monkey. It amuses me to no ends.

What's the story morning glory?

Incriminating pictures was what I took that night. I am so good at taking pictures in the dark that I am the new Auntie Shine.

Thursday night marked the first of many things for me. It was the first time I had Ramli burger in more than 5 years. It was the first time I realised I could possibly have a thing for married men.
Are you still mad that we slept together even after we had ended it?

Then you will realise a few more things :
- You hold your drink better by holding on to H2O!
- You need to get home early because you gotta get up in the morning to go to work!
- Your brain is on a slower processor when you don't get enough rest!
- You get mentally exhausted thinking that you have another party to attend in the same week!
- You dread having to lift another glass of drink.
- Johnny and Jack, they aren't really your friends.

Have a good weekend!