Sunday Race Day

The Sunday that was the race day, proved to be a totally different Sunday than I have ever had. First of all, I spent only 3 hours on the floor. And then, I didn't stay lazy and smell like home.

I actually went out. Despite that my head actually felt heavy. And I was feeling like... a walking zombie.

Saturday evening probably didn't stay to well with me. I hardly slept any bit. I gave up at 11.00 am, my usual Sunday morning wake up time. And went about to salvage my day. With 3 hours of CSI Supreme Sunday.

It was a Ferrari 1-2. Beautiful.

Honey

Honey is the name of my Tamagotchi pet. She is a v4.
Honey is the ugliest shit ever. She is 46 years old today (1 day = 1 year)

And I know she's gonna live to be senior citizen.

I wanna talk about Jules' luck with the first gen Tamagotchi. ha ha ha.. But it's Friday. And Fridays I am Not In Love. So.. I want nothing more than to curl up with a book and some tea.

The best is yet to come.

REMINDER!

People who have kids or are having kids, raise your kids better.


Some stay kiddish at heart and grows up to be an old little boy. And makes it everyone elses responsibilities.

I can't believe I have so much angst in me today.

Killing Me Softly

Qert has this knack of making me feel like the tinniest tiniest person who doesn't put in much effort to make my idea work.

Time and again, he speaks to me like he would to himself (I think) about keep giving it 110%. He is in it for life.

I wish I had that conviction.

But what was different and what was eye opening to me was, I saw this whole thing with a twang of irony. It made me laugh. But what Qert pointed out, didn't make me laugh. Because it's very simple : I don't care!

I don't care how they perceive my idea. I don't care what they want to say about my idea. I'm in my idea and I know what's happening. And I don't need to live pretentious and live up to their expectations of my idea. They are NOT in my idea.

If they were, I would have done the same thing that crazy woman did. Give her a piece of my mind. And do tell her to get her offspring and all left's of them out of my life.


I cannot be bothered to put up with people so petty.

Madonna's Confessions Tour

That's a great DVD!

And watching the behind the scenes was so inspiring. Madonna, such an icon...

And I think again, 10 years of training for dancing. All those years growing up telling my mom I want to be in a dance company! All those years of me watching Baryshnikov.. Sigh!

I wanted so much to be a dancer. And dreamt of a life that I probably should have made for myself.

Maybe I didn't want it bad enough. Maybe I didn't do it good enough.


Over last weekend, I was talking about it with my mom.

"Do you remember sending me for tournament?"

"Do you remember being there for me for all my rhythmic gymnastic competitions, my gymnastic competitions, my ballet performances, my Chinese Folk Dancing, my tours with the Kuen Cheng girls?"

My mom did. She was there for me. Every time. All the time. Without fail. She was my pillar of strength and she dreamt me a life that she knew I wanted.

And I spent 7 years right here.

And told her I will spend this year making it better than it was before.


Trust I seek and I find in you everyday for us something new
Open eyes to a different view and Nothing Else Matters

Garfield To The Cure

I got this from Deslex. Garfield : I hate Mondays to The Cure : Friday I'm In Love (Not)

I have been in (not) love for many Fridays now. It's almost as if Friday I'm Not In Love more than Friday I'm In Love. And it didn't help watching Feels Like Heaven or being at Planet for a drink with CW listening to the lines... "whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am home again".

So many things has happened. I have watched and finished all of Entourage, all of Grey's Anatomy, all of CSI Miami Season 5, all of Nip/Tuck, all of Desperate Housewives. Everything. You name it, I've watched it.

It has been that many Sundays on the floor, uninterrupted.

That many days in between that I have felt like not blogging. I don't care, really. I've lost it. A blogger's block. Don't even know how to put it together nicely anymore.


Jules, with whom I spend many Saturdays with has been alternating between home, work and hospital. And me, as closest relative and in terms of home too, is not being very supportive.
She gets off work at 1 am. And I have no idea how she goes home, now that her dad is lying in the hospital. I was gonna go pick her up last night (or early this morning) but I waited for her call till 1 am and fell asleep.

I stayed up with Madonna and towards the end, sneaks a gin & t. And I wonder why I fell asleep waiting for her phone call.

The call didn't come. At 2.30 am she texted to say, she's home. Not like I was awake to pick up the text...

At 4 am I woke with frenzy, OMG, JULES! and checked my phone.
She's safe. She's home.

I'm lousy. I'm a lousy chaperon and I'm a lousy cousin sister. She lives 2 blocks away, works in a city out of the city and I can't even pick her up from KL Sentral to home.

Julius has been closer to me since she became replacement than she ever was, when she was just cousin. I hope her dad's alright. We love him. Or else who would be so kind to send Daffy Daph home and put up with 3 girls singing in the car high on caffeine at 1 am?

I am going to be better, Jules. For you, for me, for my family, for your family. For the both of us. Coz we only have each other.

I love you, my JT. Hang in there, everything's gonna be alright...

His First Day

On Qert's first day back, he came to my office to look for me. He wanted to tell me in person that "He's back". And I pulled a bookie-Shine on him. And I told him, I'll let it go right after I am done dragging him through the mud.

Forgiving and letting go after dragging him through the mud was not as difficult as I have expected it to be. It was Deslex who sent me some wisdom words to my email on how to be a bigger, better person : To be a man. To be exact, to be more Christ-like.

And as usual, Qert and Shine interactions are very animated. But it usually the same end result, I speak. He listen. He slap. No, it wasn't any different this time.

He came back, and provided me with giggles. It was only his first day back and he knew all the juicy gossips already and who is a good blow and who's whose.


Such fun being out there, and it's so different seeing the world through his eyes and listening to him talk candidly.

And suddenly he made an observation. The next line after that he said, "You need some chocolates, girl".

And then there were flashbacks of us at the Deli counter, he's just bought me an Easter Egg and I smashed it all up right after SP placed it in front of me. I remember what a liberating feeling it was, being able to smash up an Easter Egg.

And Qert's next words was, "You want another one?"

I always remember Qert being there for me. And it's a comfort to know he's back again. It was true when they said and they repeated to me, "Shine will be so glad to know Qert's back!"

I know that someone will be there to slap my face when I do something silly. And I know someone will be there to put sense into me when I need help reinventing. And I know how much I value each and every one of them.


Till this morning, I still look at my key chain and smile. Yeah, I should move on. I do miss those time. But you know what, I was happiest then. It was the first time I was a priority.


It's been a week since he's back and I've not caught up with him. Like everybody in Operations, he's probably running ahead full speed and left his brains somewhere. It should catch up with him soon. Or else it will be knock-knock from inside jar.

3 Girls In The Dark

This is a pic of 3 girls, after their spa treatment and feeding mosquitoes. I don't remember if I took this pic or my sis took this pic. But I know all 3 of us tried to take this pic and this is probably Experiment 525 or 624. Don't know.


There is so many things I want to say, but there's always this thing : What's the point?

Everything goes away. Everything fades. Everything goes from obvious to oblivious.
Qert went from Here to Not Here to Back Here.

What's the point? Everything comes back.