I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Tonight, I so need to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. And I don't know why when it's today I realise I have to get home early due to no Transport Minister, I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO. Talk about Murphy not being the biggest fan of my life.

I didn't even have time to stop to tell my mom I need dinner. Now I'm gonna get home, and she's gonna be asleep and I'm gonna be hungry. I hate this. It's disappointing her that I absolutely hate. She's an angel in my life. She's the sweetest thing in my life. She's the only constant in my life and I hate how little of me I make for her.

No shuffling priorities at this point. Means to an end, girl... Means to an end..

I'm bringing sexy back.

Only when I'm dancing can I feel this free
At night, I lock the door so no one else can see




Hey Qert! I have a confession.

OK TELL ME

(confessed)

You mean he woke up.

Yes

Are you alright, girl?

Yes

Has there been a change in you that he' s noticed?

I don't think so. He doesn't notice much. I didn't bring further attention to it.

Okay. Get me Pod. I need to start you on the 16 CDs already. Please take care. Hang in there. And you know who you can speak to okay.

Thanks. Not too chatty of late. It's hormone-symphony time. Gots to go. I is uh.

Ya, be good.

Ditto

Having time to bitch

I realise today that having time to bitch is a luxury. I am home alone last night and tonight. At yet "spearheading" (Boss' term, not mine) is not a choice I have. I do this. And I better do this good. Year end evaluation is due.

I spent a lot of time with Glam Queen today and Qi too. And I realise that in getting this thing together, we had no time to bitch and we have not even enough time to write minutes, send emails and reaching out for help.

Last evening, Stiff received panic call from home and he immediately left for hometown. I was having sms-fun texting Uncle Pat, father of Sydney and Sydney. Uncle Pat is related to hometown too. So we all got into a somber mood.

Because Shine had to "spearhead" this project, Shine was unable to fulfill the fillial thing in going home. I could only imagine what my MIL and FIL is thinking right now. That girl's got her priorities all wrong.

Unfortunately, I have to work for a living. And I may have my priorities wrong.
Family with whom we justify our sole existance
Work that provides sustenence

Sigh.

Such conflicting shit all happening at the same time. I need to put even more effort into getting work right and getting this family thing right.

I may not be able to leave at the drop of a hat. So I might not even make it home at all.

I have adopted this project and I'm taking it and running with it. If I get a lousy evaluation, at least I know I did my best. Maybe my best is not good enough. *shrug*

My project starts tomorrow morning. And Glam Queen and I will be in when it's still dark. If they can't get their act together, at least we will.

My stomach is turning so badly I wasn't certain if lunch wasn't sitting right, lunch company didn't fit right, my proposition to Chairwoman didn't feel right or is it my scheduling for tomorrow onwards is not right. Somehow the butterflies won't leave me alone. And I am panicky. And I feel exactly like Glam Queen when she bursts into Planet Starbucks. Unfortunately, I caught it and I was sweating bullets. But much needs to be done. Can't stop. Can't chat.

Yes, I learnt today that having time to bitch is a luxury.

But having time to check DND room and occupied no luggage rooms, was my breather. I have not been on the floor since... May 2004. Wait. September 2004.

I miss my key buck.

ARGHH!!

So many things happened between yesterday evening and this afternoon. So much so that I probably want to bite my hands off to stop text or to stop type. No idea which could work better.

One good thing was the Tuesday afternoon meeting that I was in. This morning was the follow up meeting. I don't know why Boss let me take this and run with it. I don't know. My evaluation is due soon. And it's true. No matter how many times she's told me : I lost focus.

I did. I admit.

At today at the meeting, was the first meet between me and the big G. Again. He was being calm and he was using his size as intimidation. He refused to sit down. And I refused to shut up. Even the Glam Queen has to discreetly shush me.

Lovely.

I came back to the office, slightly riled. But glad. The big G can't touch me. And, I no longer call him Boss. So he can sod it.

Being Real

Being real was about telling me to wake up. There was no possibility that this hurt is unreal.

I met Chairwoman today after her English test. And she didn't need to see me for 10 seconds to realise why I was there in the Concierge Safe Room with her.

This is being real happening. Thinking about it, I should have arms-lengthed this and kept defences up. But then would I have found fun when there was, joy when there was and help when I needed?

Perhaps there are possibilities. Perhaps there are no boundaries. Perhaps there will be some LOL moments shared again. Maybe to see that smile again.

Toto said, as soon as forever is through, I'll be over you.

Or : when x bothers you, do y

PB

This was his first Bond movie. This is still my ultimate Bond. PB.
I got home only at 11 last night and I couldn't watch License To Kill as the tv has been booked.

We recently watched this movie at home. I'm hoping that maybe tonight, I could get to catch this too. But I got a feeling I wasn't gonna get so lucky.

Luck, and another 4-letter word hasn't been in my favour lately. We do what we can, we do what we have to. Somehow.

Un-renewed

This morning I woke up crying and my eyes were swollen. I didn't know at first what was happening. I took another look at the date and realise, hormones were taking over.

For the first time in a long time, I took my Happy Pill. If I had my Happy Pill when I was in Cameron, I would have taken them. That was only 2 months ago.

What happened between that 2 months and now? I don't know how to answer that.

I could only say that this time last month, was not this bad. I had my one hour on The Couch in my red dress.

This month, I realise it's time to stock up the Happy Pill and try to make it with more Still Thoughts.
Our vows should be great, and our resolves should be firm. Our temperatment should be tender, and our minds should be prudent.

Kickstart My Heart

Just because I went on a spiritual retreat didn't mean I was gonna leave my Rock education behind. It is such a slim, sleek and shiny toy I wasn't gonna leave behind. No, I wasn't listening to them when I meditated!

The age group of the travellers were closer my mom's age than mine. The youngest in the group was 9. She was dragged, her cousin sister is a volunteer teacher. On the way in the bus, we sang hyms. I knew most of it, I was with the Sunday School for 6 years since I was 8 or 9. On the way back, we had a group karaoke session. The usual songs for a crowd that age, famous names : Diana, Carol, Vincent.

Yes, I knew those too. Sister May Ling, who was probably the fun-radiating person, was the person I stayed close to besides my family. Maybe because I feel partial to her. She's invited me to a few home fellowship, I attended one during Chinese New Year. And she was kind enough to grace us at our registration.


Sister May Ling was a load of fun. The trip has its up and down. Which was probably why we have so much more to learn from it. During meditation, there sure was a lot of conflicts going on within me. It was a personal self-discovery trip for me. It made me more conscious, in Buddha's term, mindful.

I remember why my mom sent me for Sunday School. Stephen Covey said, religion that provides inner strength. My mom was trying to give me a sense of belonging. She was trying to give me an environment that was going to shape me better. But ultimately, it was my decision. And that, she respected to. Because she knows she's done her best to provide me with everything to make a good sound decision. So many things to reflect upon, on this trip. No doubt I was tired, one night in a foreign bed shared with my sister. But it was well worth and good karma to accummulate.


While accummulating good karma, we also didn't forget to have some fun. Stephen Covey said, play that keeps us sane! Okay, we didn't exactly play, but we did shop. Who could part a woman and shopping? That's Shine and Jerri at Dataran Pahlawan.

With hope of renewed vigor and spiritual beliefs, here's more of Master Cheng Yen's still thoughts : Always bear in mind the following virtues : understanding, forgiving, gratitude, contentment and treasuring one's blessing.

My Spiritual Retreat

It was expected... I was with the staff trip of the Buddhist Institute of Sunday Dhamma School. (BISDS) My mom heads the Refreshment team. So you know the children, the teachers and all volunteers were never short of food. In fact, my Sunday lunches while lying on my floor, was compliments on the Sunday School.

We were with the SKE on Saturday and with Tzu-Chi on Sunday. And no, I didn't fall asleep during meditation.

Still Thoughts by Master Cheng Yen.

1. The sunlight is bright, our parents love is great, a gentlement's forberance is strong, a person who lacks moral cultivation is arrogant.

Away for the weekend!

Spending the weekend away in a spiritual retreat.

Thanks to Mom, we're accummulating good karma.... And I'm hoping to ride on it this weekend and hope for the best!

Melaka, land of satay celup, here I come!

My drug-pushing song!

Rat-tailed Jimmy he's a second hand hood
Deals out in Hollywood
Got a '65 Chevy, primered flames
Traded for some powdered goods
Jigsaw Jimmy he's runnin' a gang
But I hear he's doin' o.k.
Got a cozy little job through the Mexican mob
Packages the candycaine

He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes ya feel all right
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood

Cops on the corner always ignore
Somebody's getting paid
Jimmy's got it wired, law's for hire
Got it made in the shade
Got a little hideaway, does business all day
But at night he'll always be found
Sellin' sugar to the sweet
People on the street
Call this Jimmy's town

He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes ya feel all right
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's gonna be your Frankenstein
I've got one thing you'll understand
(Dr. Feelgood)
He's not what you'd call a glamorous man
(Dr. Feelgood)
Got one thing that's easily understood
(Dr. Feelgood)
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
Oh yeah

He'll tell you he's the king
Of thes barrio streets
Moving up to shangri-la
Came by his wealth as a matter of luck
Says he never broke no law
Two time loser running out of juice
Time to move out quick
Heard a rumour going round
Jimmy's going down
This time it's gonna stick

He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes ya feel all right
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's gonna be your Frankenstein

Let him soothe your soul, just take his hand
(Dr. Feelgood)
Some people call him an evil man
(Dr. Feelgood)
Let him introduce himself real good
(Dr. Feelgood)
He's the only one they call Feelgood


I've got one thing you'll understand
(Dr. Feelgood)
He's not what you'd call a glamorous man
(Dr. Feelgood)
Got one thing that's easily understood
(Dr. Feelgood)
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood

Dr. Feelgood (Dr. Feelgood)
Dr. Feelgood (Dr. Feelgood)
Dr. Feelgood (Dr. Feelgood)

Still beating!

New York, New York, is everything they say
And no place that I'd rather be
Where else can you do a half a million things
All at a quarter to three
When they play their music, ooh that modern music
They like it with a lot of style
But its still that same old back beat rhythm
That really drives em wild

They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I've seen I believe em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll is still beating

LA, Hollywood, and the Sunset Strip
Is something everyone should see
Neon lights and the pretty pretty girls
All dressed so scantily
When they play their music
That hard rock music
They like it with a lot of flash
But its still that same old back beat rhythm
That really kicks 'em in the

They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I've seen I believe em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll is still beating

DC, San Antone and the Liberty Town, Boston and Baton Rouge
Tulsa, Austin, Oklahoma City, Seattle, San Francisco, too
Everywhere there's music, real live music, bands with a million styles
But its still that some old rock and roll music
That really drives 'em wild

They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating
And from what I've seen I believe em
Now the old boy may be barely breathing
But the heart of rock and roll is still beating

We did cheerleading in year 1995 to this song. That's exactly how I remember this song. Pom-poms, short skirts and a huge field with stadium filled with audiences.



we know how much you love to be in front of audiences

School Of Rock - 2Gs

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Whoo... whoo... whoo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

And the days go by...
Like a strand in the wind...
In the web that is my own...
I begin again
Said to my friend, baby...
Nothin' else mattered

He was no more... than a baby then
Well he... seemed broken hearted...
Something within him
But the moment... that I first laid...
Eyes... on... him... all alone...
On the edge of... seventeen

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
ooo baby... ooo... said ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

I went today... maybe I will go again...
Tomorrow
And the music there it was hauntingly...
Familiar
And I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And the voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else mattered

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

The clouds... never expect it...
When it rains
But the sea changes colours...
But the sea...
Does not change
And so... with the slow... graceful flow...
Of age
I went forth... with an age old...
Desire... to please
On the edge of... seventeen

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

Well then suddenly...
There was no one... left standing
In the hall... yeah yeah...
In a flood of tears
That no one really ever heard fall at all
Oh I went searchin' for an answer...
Up the stairs... and down the hall
Not to find an answer...
Just to hear the call
Of a nightbird... singing...
Come away... come away...

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo

Well I hear you in the morning...
And I hear you...
At nightfall...
Sometime to be near you...
Is to be unable... to hear you...
My love...
I'm a few years older than you...

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

Old Dogs...

There, my favourite Alanis Morissette album - Alanis Unplugged.

My original copy, I know where it is. I know who it's with. And I'm not going back there. So I moved on and confiscated a lot of things when S moved out of 19-B-4.

This album was one of it. It was a scratched copy of the ciplak one. But I gasak it anyway.

And I have this album in brick. I have this album in PC. And most of the time I find myself clicking back on this album. I liked how she sounded on this album. So real. So there. So serene. So "organic". So her.

In the evenings, I find myself bringing out my brick.. and click on this album.. and get back in my Alanis-ette state all over again.

In Come Together - A Night For John Lennon's Words and Music, Alanis sang Dear Prudence. She was introduced on stage by Dustin Hoffman. I could almost tell he was introducing her because he said, "Do you realise guys, she's born in 1974?"

It was a line from her song, UR. Spiritual enlightenment for her, in SPIJ. Almost dispassionate about many things... But this album and JLP so stood out for me.

burn the books they've got too many names and psychosis
all this incriminating evidence would surely haunt me
if someone broke into my house
suits in the living room
do you realize guys I was born in 1974
we've got someone here to explain your publishing
we know how much you love to be in front of audiences
hopeful you are
schoolbound you are
naive you are
driven you are
take a trip to new york with your guardian
and your fake identification
when they said "is there something anything
you'd like to know young lady?"
you said "yes I'd like to know what kind of people
i'll be dealing with"
precocious you are
headstrong you are
terrified you are
ahead of your time you are
don't mind our staring but
we're surprised you're not in a far-gone asylum
we're surprised you didn't crack up
lord knows that we would've
we would've liked to have been there
but you keep pushing us away
resilient you are
big time you are
ruthless you are
precious you are

All Time High

Bond - Last night, was a short night for me. I started the night with a nap at 8 pm. Then a shower at 10.30 pm. About 15 minutes of frizzy interrupted Astro reception, I developed a headache and fell back into bed.

I didn't wake up again till 7.40 am this morning. My mobile rang with a dedicated ring tone. It's Jules in the morning.... With a surprise visit. Her sister is back, for about 10 days. And she is still confused.

Confused is good. I like her in confused state. It means she is weighing options. It means she is thinking, evaluating. Good. Do it now. Do it right. Take your time. Do it when no one's breathing down your neck. Go search your customer database! Take this and run with it.

And I know if you spoke to my new best friend, she would give the exact same advise.

I want for her what I am aware consciously. And she has that one option that is not binding.

All I wanted was a sweet distraction for an hour or two.
Had no intention to do the things we've done.
Funny how it always goes with love, when you don't look, you find.
But then we're two of a kind, we move as one.

We're an all time high,
We'll change all that's gone before.
Doing so much more than falling in love.
On an all time high,
We'll take on the world and wait.
So hold on tight, let the flight begin.

I don't want to waste a waking moment; I don't want to sleep.
I'm in so strong and so deep, and so are you.
In my time I've said these words before, but now I realize
My heart was telling me lies, for you they're true.

We're an all time high,
We'll change all that's gone before.
Doing so much more than falling in love.
On an all time high,
We'll take on the world and wait.
So hold on tight, let the flight begin.


So hold on tight, let the flight begin.
We're an all time high.

The station we were listening to... still.. has a habit of playing songs that I can only laugh to. While the big M in the office was fuming about, the station played Depeche Mode's StrangeLove. And I almost laughed out loud, for it not the situation keeping me zipped.

I have not heard this song since the single albums 86 to 98 that I bought in SG HMV along with The Cure's Galore album when I had my solo crazy weekend in SG.

Among some of the songs played were also Prince. Beautiful. And the next song was The Heart of Rock & Roll by Huey Lewis & The News. Wow! For these 2 songs, I put the volume up. And Boss was saying that I'm going crazy. And asked again, if I've been borned. Doh.

It's so weird. Surely it cannot be that old?

It's been a crazy day for being on 6th floor. The entire wing was cleared and wiped out by 6.30 pm. Whatever they were doing, I'm glad that further down the food chain was undisturbed.

So Unsexy

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me


Under Rug Swept is her most wordy album. She did this album before her engagement. And this is someone who valued her individuality. I valued her individuality. I think I picked up a lot from her. Her music. Her words. Her "organic" self.

Under Rug Swept is also the album where I find her so different in her video for Precious Illusions. I somehow couldn't relate to this album a I did to JLP or SPIJ. I was probably younger. And the angst was not properly channeled.

James - The Filth Element always used to remind me, if you cannot forgive, just forget. James said a lot of things, at 19, I forgot most of it. What we all didn't forget was the nights we spent in Taman Jaya till 4 am, the nights we spent going to Liberty (stupid Ujin) the nights we spent at Insomnia playing cards, and the bruises I find myself with after such actions.

Thank you - Gina, James, WY, FiBi, Kat, Ujin. Mostly Ujin... Ujin the Volvo Chai.

Not The Doctor

I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be your mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door

Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor

I don't want to be the sweeper of the egg shells that you walk upon
And I don't want to be your other half, I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face
At midnight, hey
What are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window

Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor

I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart
And it's wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for

Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor




Beautiful. I love Alanis Morissette songs for the reason that they are so un-radio-friendly. Lovely. It's not the usual common thing you would hear on the radio. It's one of those songs that plays on the radio and you smile. Because some quirky programmer must have messed with the playlist. Hah!

Aaron Pinto used to be that way. I wonder what's been happening to him?

This song came on air. I don't know what station we were tuned in this morning. But it is really crazy and crappy. I hate stations that talk and talk and talk. Only I do that. Not these bozos on air. Anyway... This is one un-radio-friendly song. The usual would be Ironic, Hands In My Pocket, Head Over Feet and You Learn. From JLP album. Every other album doesn't make it that good. Maybe Thank You from SPIJ get played about once a month.

That's the beauty of Alanis Morissette. I. Get. It.

Because!

Just because!

I never read movie reviews. I stay away from them.
Like I said, I didn't want anticipation in the way. But because it has been so long since I went for a midnight movie, I find myself sipping coffee at 7.30 pm... Weird. I usually don't touch coffee ater 6 pm.

At 10 pm, I was changing into my nice warm new top. And I find myself putting powder on my face... For a midnight movie. Ha ha.

Yes, the new Bond is a diamond in the rough. It's true. He bleeds. He cuts. He kills. With his bare hands. He lack charisma. He lack sophisticate. He lack suave. Yet everything he lacks, he makes up in doing it good. Doing it brilliant.

The movie is power-packed. For an action movie, I love it. For a Bond, he needs to get there.

If given the opportunity, I will watch it again. It's the first time that Bond seems almost human.



"I have no armour left. You've stripped it from me. Whatever is left of me - whatever I am - I'm yours" - James Bond. Casino Royale 2006.

Car rides & midnight movie

Last night, Steve took me on a drive. To a new highway both of us has never been on. Very jakun, I know. But it was good. And it was just how I like it. My used-to-be favourite highway, dropped off the list of favourites.

This highway, is great!

It's great for racing, it's great for speeding. And I don't even know the name of the highway. Except that we pass 2 tolls. And we watched as a Skyline sped after the Ferrari. That gave me such a rush. And I wasn't certain if I was going to be able to sleep at night.

I went home and took a look at the giant bottle of meds. Bitter as hell. But mom says... bitter is good. Bitter cures. BLERK. I am to finish this bottle of meds before I see the doc tomorrow. (Fri) and I did. I took big gulps. And cried as I belched. Then popped a handful of sweets into my mouth before my taste buds die off.

The meds knocked me out. I think must be overdose. You see.. the thing is, my dad is strange. He places lots of obstacles before getting to the balcony. Bad. It's either he's afraid I sleepwalk, or probably know that I should be sober before attempting to make it to the balcony. But then what's the point? We're on second floor. And for him to child-proof the balcony since I was months old was enough to reinforce the fact that one look at me and knew I was gonna be suicidal.

I had to make it to the balcony for me religous routine everynight before I fall asleep. Or I won't be able to. Psychological need, I guess. I haven't decided.

I made it to bed with a few bumps. Sneaking drinks at night has never left me this way than that stupid bitter meds.

Some more attempts at feel-good has got me coerced and I have decided to drop it and be a bigger person. We're catching a midnight movie. I don't remember our last midnight movie. Probably more than a year ago. I can hardly recall.

But again... Let's not try to get ahead of myself.

Let's see how he performs tonight. James, I mean.

Aerosmith

This, is the only Aerosmith album I have.

On brick, I have 6 Aerosmith albums. On slim Pod, I have 4 songs (I think)

But it doesn't matter. Great songs on this album, O, Yeah! The Ultimate Aerosmith Hits.

I think I spread this album around. Mostly infected Qert's work lappy then as well as Jin-I-wannabe-dorg-next-life.

Say, how has Jin been? While at it, how has Qert been too? There's been no update (in 2006) on his blog. Qert tends to backdate his postings. Hate it.

Gina has stopped blogging. To reasons only known to her and a handful of her close friends.

But having Gina on YM, I know she's gonna have a fantastic spanking weekend. Zouk and Maison tomorrow night, WOW!

Me, I have James to catch tomorrow midnight. It's going to be my first movie since my last back to back X-Men and Da Vinci Code. And the missed Pirates of The Caribbean.

Let's not have anticipation get in the way. James is only being on choice because it's part of education. No other reason.

Let's see him try to drive a stick.

Michael Jackson's Billie Jean

Billie Jean. 1983. I was 3. LOL. And yes, it's influence from Jerri Berry.

Does everybody remember the video? The steps light up! Wow.


This song, along with Thiller, also found on slim Pod. LOL.
This is what happens when you leave your MEAT in someone else's hands.

Half of the songs in Pod is part of my education. When Flo asked for loan of Pod, I gave her brick. Brick's got newer stuff. Probably easier for her. Than to confuse herself with AC/DC. Plus, there's Justin in brick ;-)

Music

I have 4 Madonna songs in my slim Pod. I love all 4 of the songs.

The Immaculate Collection has been undoubtly my favourite Madonna album. But right now, it's competing very closely to Confessions On A Dance Floor. (Maybe because I can relate, shrug)

This, is the ultimate dance along song on my slim Pod. I love it.

Another song from this album, Don't Tell Me. I like this song. Probably because I could relate. No idea.

The best thing about being on Shuffle mode is... after Music by Madonna played, Pretty Vegas came on. Perfect.


Don't tell me to stop
Tell the rain not to drop
Tell the wind not to blow
'Cause you said so, mmm

Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
[first time:] But please don't tell me to stop
[all other times:] But don't ever tell me to stop

Tell the leaves not to turn
But don't ever tell me I'll learn, no, no
Take the black off a crow
But don't tell me I have to go

Tell the bed not to lay
Like the open mouth of a grave, yeah
Not to stare up at me
Like a calf down on its knees

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
[first time:] But please don't tell me to stop
[all other times:] But don't ever tell me to stop
[chorus, prefixing 1st and 3rd lines with "Don't you ever"]

(Don't you ever)
Please don't
Please don't
Please don't tell me to stop

(Don't you ever)
Don't you ever
Don't ever tell me to stop

(Tell the rain not to drop)
Tell the bed not to lay
Like a open mouth of a grave, yeah
Not to stare up at me
Like a calf down on its knees

Alanis Morissette

5 Alanis Morissette album in brick :
Alanis Unplugged
Feast on Scraps
Jagged Little Pill
So-Called Chaos
Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

My favourite way to begin any Alanis Morissette song is by Jagged Little Pill, All I Really Want.

Till today, Alanis Unplugged is still my favourite Alanis Morissette album.


Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...

FutureSex / LoveSounds

This album was sitting at the dining table on Sunday morning when I woke up.

I went to sleep early on Saturday night. It was my way of dealing with the cough, the headache, and the ignorance is bliss part.

I took a bottle of cough syrup and I didn't want to know what I didn't want to ask.

I let the album sit there for Sunday.

On Monday, I played the album in the room. Distractedly, getting a few things out of the way before getting to work. I brought the album with me to office.

I guess with many things, it's got good and bad stuff to relate and disassociate with.

I wanted this album. But the way I got this album, was telling me, you're sick, you stay in, alone. Was making me feel worse than the cough could. And so I went to bed early.

This morning, I had The Cure to keep me company. The Galore album played till Pictures of You before I decided that it was too painful to start the day. I switched to listening on my Pod instead.

Thank God for portable music.

*Yawn*

It's true. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Albeit only catching what little I did from 11.20 pm onwards.

I've never seen a Bond more clumsy. With so little charm. And so little charisma.

A great relief for tonight then, Diamonds Are Forever.

you hadn't seen your father in such a long time
he died in the arms of his lover how dare he
your mother never left the house
she never married anyone else you took it upon yourself to console her

you reminded her so much of your father
so you were banished and you wonder why you're so hypersensitive
and why you can't trust anyone but us
but then how can i begin to forgive her so many years under bridges with dirty water
she was foolish and selfish and cowardly if you ask me

i don't know where to begin in all of my 50 odd years
i have been silently suffering and adapting perpetuating and enduring
who are you younger generation to tell me that i have unresolved problems
not many examples of fruits of this type of excruciating labour

how can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn
i feel fine we may not have been born as awake as you were
it was much harder in those days we had paper routes uphill both ways
we went from school to a job to a wife to instant parenthood

i walked into his office i felt so self-conscious on the couch
he was sitting down across from me he was writing down his hypothesis i don't know
i've got a loving supportive wife who doesn't know how involved she should get
you say his interjecting was him just calling me on my shit?

just the other day my sweet daughter i was driving past 203 i walked up the stars in my minds eyes
i remember how they would creak loudly
she was only responsive with a drink he was only responsive by photo
i was only trying to be the best big brother i could

i've walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack open wide
sometimes indignant sometimes raw
can you imagine i pay him 75 dollars an hour sometimes
it feels like highway robbery
and sometimes it's peanuts
i wish it could last a couple more hours

so here we both are battling similar demons (not coincidentally)
you see in getting beyond knowing it solely intellectually you're not relinquishing your majestry
you are wise you are warm you are courageous you are big
and i love you more now than i ever have in my whole life

The Couch - Alanis Morissette

A Little Star

The Star has touched down this evening at 1755 hrs. Has probably a few stops to make, dinner stops, and then estimated to arrive the hotel at 10.30 pm.

Chairwoman is on duty. And I remember we both used to standby for shit like this. When the invitation come via sms, I smiled and shook my head.

Those days are over for me, honey.

Band-aids, Penny Lane would call herself.

No, I have to get home to James.

"James?"

Bond. James Bond.



Although Lazenby's the most depressing Bond, I will do it for education sake.

The Best Way

To get through the day is sleep.

I was awake on Sunday morning by 9.30 am. I lie around the floor to wait for 11.30 am. The Bond Marathon begins... only to switch it to CSI at noon. And I did so much channel surfing I felt like my dad.

At 2.00 pm, I couldn't put up with it anymore. I texted Jules.

Oi. Wake up.

"I'm still sleeping. I call you when I get up."

NO. I WANT SEASON 6 NOW.

"I'll have my bro send 2 ur house"

And I waited. I waited till I fell asleep in front of the tv in between From Russia With Love and Thunderball. In front of the tv on the floor.

I slept so much throughout Sunday afternoon, evening that come Sunday night, I was awake. Awake at 3.30 am listening to his snore. Listen to his alarm ring. Listen to him get up. Listen to him leave the house. Listen to myself.

At 6.38 am, I received confirmation. The Ego Has Landed.

Like every sms I receive, helpless, unable to respond.

The best way to listen to 2G of Rock History, is on Shuffle mode.

George, blerk!

I know that this is part of my education and will do it although I hate it.

I've tried to put myself through George Lazenby's potray of James and fell asleep both times. He was that boring an English brute.

Tonight, on Astro Star Movies at 10 pm. I will once again try to catch where I left off... but am almost certain I will fall asleep again...

Better Bonds are coming...

Bonding

It probably started with the original. The benchmark. Sean. But he somehow doesn't do it for me. Must be the era thing with me. My first Bond was Timothy Dalton.

The BCB on the main road where we stay, that used to be my grandfather's tailor shop. And now I remember why I grew up where I grew up. My dad wanted to be near his dad. And my mom wanted to be near her mom. And so we moved from PJ when I was born.

I remember the tailor shop vaguely. Most of the memory I have of my grandfather was muchly associated with brandy.

Oh yeah, the tailor shop. Next door to the tailor shop was the infamous Lido Theatre. We used to sneak over to watch free movies. My first Bond was in that cinema. The Living Daylights. And the fact that A-Ha sang it, didn't even make a difference. But Morten Harket certainly made an impression on my sis.

Oh, I so loved growing up with my sis. And how amazing her influence has been in my life.

With the Bond Marathon currently running on Star Movies, I have caught 4 of them, with the exception of Dr. No. (never really been my favourite and I don't get it about Ursula Andress in the bikini? DOH?) Oh yeah, my mom said men liked women that looked like that back then. I wouldn't know.

*coo* More Bond on Monday :-)

Bond Rush

I got home by 9.00 pm last night. It was the first time in the week I saw my mom. I was so glad that when I got home, she was right there in the living room.

I showered, and she got dinner ready for me. So sweet. So warm. So loved. So glad I was right there. And so glad that I still recognise this emotion I like, gratitude.

She was gonna go back to the room, now that I'm home and at the dinner table. I tried talking her out of it. She's tired. She's lazy. She's got the children to see tomorrow. bla bla bla.

And it's her children she loves, and it's what I got her to start on... And she stayed talking to me about her wonderful children for 10 minutes.

I do realise I am so blessed when it comes to my mom. I do realise that I am so blessed when it comes to my sis. And it was this that we both grew up with, despite the 8 year difference.

I manage to get my mom to start Goldfinger with me. She spent an hour and was absolutely appalled that time passes so fast. So was I. There I was sitting with her in silence, watching Sean play James, and an hour pass so quickly.

We both sang to Goldfinger when Shirley Bassey started. And I told her on Tuesday night, I also sang with From Russia With Love.

I am just glad that with the equal influence of music from my parents, I am not too old... or not too young.

Young enough to like a few of JLo's songs, old enough to appreciate Frank and everything in between.

And I wonder how come I have music on new Pod from half of a gay band?

You're Makin' Me High

I'll always think of you
Inside of my private thoughts
I can imagine you
Touching my private parts
With just the thought of you
I can't help but touch myself
That's why I want you so bad
Just one night of
Moonlight, with you there beside me
All night, doin' it again and again
You know I want you so bad
Baby, baby, baby, baby

Oooh I get so high
When I'm around you baby
I can touch the sky
You make my temperature rise
You're makin me high
Baby, baby, baby, baby

Can't get my mind off you
I think I might be obsessed
The very thought of you
Makes me want to get undressed
I wanna be with you
In spite of what my heart says
I guess I want you too bad
All I want is
Moonlights, with you there inside me
All night, doin it again and again
You know I want you so bad
Baby, baby, baby, baby

Oooh I get so high
When I'm around you baby
I can touch the sky
You make my temperature rise, ooh boy
You're makin me high
Baby, baby, baby, baby

I want to feel your heart and soul inside of me
Let's make a deal you roll, I lick
And we can go flying into ecstasy
Oh Darlin' you and me
Light my fire
Blow my flame
take me take me take me away
ah oh ah ooooooh

MEAT

MEAT - Having enough of. Nope. No way.

Chairwoman counted with me yesterday afternoon as we went out sock-shopping. The Shuffle. The Nano. The Brick.

The brick. I haven't had it for 3 weeks. When it came back, I have only been listening to Alanis Morissette. There's 5 albums in there.

All 3 of them Pods, I have never made my own selection of MEAT. I don't know and am not certain what I will make of the space. Qert handled both the shuffle and the brick. Nothing new with the nano too. I guess I don't trust myself with the music I was gonna affect myself with.

What I used to enjoy on the brick, half disappeared. This is two different people with different music to affect me. One has Alanis Morissette and Justin Timberlake. The other one is super slim.

Nothing more need to be said.

A horrible death

This is a picture of the grasshopper who died a horrible death.

I was also busy looking at him when I was supposed to be looking at The Bargaining Chip.

And I forgot to take any pictures of the muchly missed Ah Man. Now that my FIL has made Ah Man his, and also ah beng-ed the music selection.

They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.


My FIL had BEYOND on the CD player and I almost died laughing. It was a surprise to me. We took Ah Man out close to midnight to buy supper. We both missed Ah Man. But BEYOND? Come on!!

I texted Jules.

We got BEYOND in the car.

"Is it Hokkien?"

LOL. No. It's as BEYOND should be.

"You are lucky. My grandfather has neighbours that karaokes to BEYOND in Hokkien."


BEYOND in Hokkien? LOL.


Although I didn't go to a Chinese school, I know of BEYOND. They had.. err.. one popular album and 3 great songs. Probably made more famous after demise of Wong Kar Kui. I was still a kid and listening to KRU. Who BEYONG?

Yeah. My FIL ah beng-ed Ah Man. What did I expect when I named the car Ah Man?!

Aidan

This is Aidan. Aidan and Shine on the stairs.

There wasn't anywhere else for me to sit.

Such blessed company!

The bargaining chip

My FIL loves his daughters. And grand-daughters. Unconditionally. So it doesn't matter about anything and everything about Cyndi.

My MIL on the other hand, loves to give us sleepless nights. I'm glad we haven't had one of those in a while, for a while. Or else we would be waking my sis the lawyer too.

Morning of Friday, 13th Oct, she got up earlier than I did. I was up with Ender the night before till about 4 am. We have the same car as her dad.

Okay, the thing is, this girl's smart. She can get her way with anyone and everyone, except her dad. LOL.

She basically knows no fear except of her dad.

My FIL took the car keys and placed her in the car, while they smoke outside. And I was watching her. She doesn't like me. It's okay. Because I don't like her too.

When you're manipulative and is 2, people find it cute. When you're manipulative and marries H, I'm gonna give that voodoo doll a thousand deaths. Horrible deaths. Horrible, long, torturous deaths.

Porky Pigs

Overdue pic of BKT lunch. Finally manage to get my canggih card reader working. Photos of Aidan to follow.

The Look

We didn't plan this. We never plan any of the annual dinner we've raided together for the past 3 years. Oh wow. I didn't realise that I've only known her for 3 years.

She still remembers the first sentence I said to her. Frankly, I have much better associate with her than what I said to her. LOL.


Walking like a man
Hitting like a hammer
She's a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter
Tasty like a raindrop
She's got the look

Heavenly bound
Cause heaven's got a number
When she's spinning me around
Kissing is a colour
Her loving is a wild dog
she's got the look

She's got the look (She's got the look) She's got the look (She's got the look)
What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you
And I go la la la la la she's got the look


Fire in the ice
Naked to the t-bone
Is a lover's disguise
Banging on the head drum
Shaking like a mad bull
She's got the look

Swaying to the band
Moving like a hammer
She's a miracle man
Loving is the ocean
Kissing is the wet sand
She's got the look

She's got the look (She's got the look) She's got the look (She's got the look)
What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you
And I go la la la la la she's got the look

walking like a man
Hitting like a hammer
She's a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter
Tasty like a raindrop
She's got the look

She goes na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na She's got the look

She's got the look (She's got the look) She's got the look (She's got the look)
What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you
And I go la la la la la she's got the look

What in the world can make you so blue
When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you
And I go la la la la la

Fields of Gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

Women Like Marisol

You know, I think women like Marisol is brilliant. She's got the looks, she's got the dying factor working for her, she's got the man she wants.

What makes you and me different that Marisol?

My SIL never failed to amaze me. She had the most manipulative way with the people around her. She didn't have the dying factor, she doesn't have the look, she's got a man willing to die for her, and even, they got together by accident. Oh yes, and then there's Crystal. That was probably her biggest leverage.

Brilliant.

Been Away

I have been away for 5 days. And I don't know where to begin my blogging. My thoughts has been all over the place, sort of like me on the floor and the remote controls.

This year, we red-ed the night away. And unlike last year, it was a good year. She left before she caught a picture with him. I am just so sick and tired of the pictures in her office. "2003" "2004" "2005" and "blank". No 2006 slot. No 2006 pic. I am so blessed that she was hitching a ride that night and had to leave early. I wasn't completely feeling like a dejavu to the last year's event.

Last year, Chairwoman took the party to Planet Hollywood after it ended in the ballroom. This year, I wasn't gonna lag. I joined them. And we red-ed the Q. But we ended early. My feet hurt. The damned pair of 3 inches heel I had on, was leisurely sitting at the table with people neither of us wanted to be with.

I was dancing bare-footed. And that, wasn't gonna stop me making Sexy Back my song that night.

I was home, not in bed, by 2.00 am. There were other things keeping me up. It's nights like this that makes me wonder, what am I in for? Why the heck am I alone?

I woke up the next morning, and spent it on the floor with H. And watched how Marisol manipulated H into marriage. Watched how H was there for her. Watched how she used her wiles and H gave in to her. I hate that scheming bitch. And I looked forward to her death in the episodes with much glee. There. Put an end to my misery. Die.

Just because you're dying. We're all gonna die anyway.

I just don't think it was fair. I ought to slap H. What a choice of woman. I hate her. Even hate her death. Call me mean.

We didn't leave the house till midnight. I've spent all day at home and I smell like home. I didn't feel like eating anything and I didn't feel like going anywhere. At midnight, we headed out. We like PJ. So he took me out to State. There's this 24 hour breakfast (used to be 24 hour) place that I really like and enjoy. I was always up for breakfast when we went to Pan. I cannot remember the last time I was there. But I remember the last time I was there that was not with Steve. It was Syah, V day 2005.

We spent an hour. He watched me eat breakfast, with less enthusiasm I normally would have, with the breakfast location and time of the night.

We didn't go home. He took me for a drive. The kind I like. The one where I stick my head out of the window and no conversation. We took the elevated highway from one end to the other and back. Coming into town was a bad idea. Because we spent an hour being stuck in traffic, 4 road blocks, 2 stops.

Here, the ah-beng and ah-lian in shorts and t's. And they think we've been where? We got stopped twice!

We didn't make it home till 3.30 am. And I went to bed.

I was woken up by Boss' dedicated ring tone the next morning. Birthday wishes. You know how he remembers? Mrs. Boss called me the day before looking for Wayne's number. In fact, Mrs. Boss called me wrongly twice. LOL. She was amazed that I was at home. Amazed that I was so lazy.

Yeah. You know ... Boss gave Steve the days off too! So what the heck! I'll just stay on the floor and be lazy!

"Yeah. At least you have your husband."

(Search further for a cliche)

My mom came home from kindy and we left for lunch and shopping at the usual mall closest to home. My mom was buying stuff she needed to prepare dinner for her two beloved. My sister is a horrible person and I wonder what went thru my head when I bought her the scent she wanted, or the ellie note pad she likes but tries not to express it.

I could almost slap her. But it's her birthday. So I thought I should spare her. Perhaps one day she'd do the same for me, or mom.

It was the first time in a long time that I was ever out buying clothes with Steve. The last time he watched me change, was when he had no choice. We were getting our wedding pictures done at the studio.

I went home with 4 tops and a pair of skirt.

Ask Chairwoman. If you're not getting the cliche already.

I rest my case.