So Unsexy

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me


Under Rug Swept is her most wordy album. She did this album before her engagement. And this is someone who valued her individuality. I valued her individuality. I think I picked up a lot from her. Her music. Her words. Her "organic" self.

Under Rug Swept is also the album where I find her so different in her video for Precious Illusions. I somehow couldn't relate to this album a I did to JLP or SPIJ. I was probably younger. And the angst was not properly channeled.

James - The Filth Element always used to remind me, if you cannot forgive, just forget. James said a lot of things, at 19, I forgot most of it. What we all didn't forget was the nights we spent in Taman Jaya till 4 am, the nights we spent going to Liberty (stupid Ujin) the nights we spent at Insomnia playing cards, and the bruises I find myself with after such actions.

Thank you - Gina, James, WY, FiBi, Kat, Ujin. Mostly Ujin... Ujin the Volvo Chai.