Hazy Days
The days has been so clouded with haze, similar descriptions I would use for the clouded judgements I have made. Rest has been elusive and I have not touched my blog since 6th August.
There will be better days, I keep telling myself. After much pondering and negotiation, I will be having 3 days of rest next week. It is only one more working day, I keep telling myself!
It's been a tough time, having a "boss" that is "otherwise inclined". It's been more difficult handling this than Boss. To me, I have one boss. I only have ONE boss. He is at home resting, getting well soon for more days to come at the Tower.
There's been so many events that I would love to document, but just didn't have the time and now it has slipped my mind. I know I should keep notes. However even my notes re work has been all over the place. Like me, and the display of zits on my face.
I managed to spend Monday with my mom as it was her birthday. It has been more than a month since I sat down with her (or my family) for a meal together. Over lunch, she exclaimed. "Oh my! You have such dark eye bags!!" It was the first time she saw me in daylight. I sat across from her with a lingering smile and knowing how much she appreciate having me with her for her birthday. I took her out shopping, bought her some stationary and a new watch.
The few days off will be spent with my in-laws. I said to my mom this morning via text message that I will leave tomorrow night after work. She called to say she will wait for me to get home tonight or she will never see me again for the next 3 or 4 days. Do I have the most amazing mom ever?
Everything has worked out great for me, except with the restrictions of this job. I am here, it's 10pm. It's Sundays and AXN has back to back episodes of CSIs beginning 9pm. I am close to giving up and nothing breaks me more than the thought that my Boss will have of me, if I do decide to leave. Over lunch with Qert a few days ago, I told him of my thoughts and plans. He brought Boss up in the conversation and I crystalised. One thing I never want to do is to disappoint my Boss.
If there's one thing he wants me to do, is to do my job right. He believes in me and has so much faith in me. That is the only thing holding me on to this.
The headaches, the heartaches, the frustration, the confusion, the fever, the bad throat, the Front Desk, everything... has had me half heartedly committed to this job. My mentor keep telling me to hang in there and everything is only temporary. He's been saying that since November last year. My patience has worn thin and I am getting thinner by the day.
Having faith in knowing that Boss is coming back and having faith in myself in knowing I can hang on till then is the only thing that gets me out of bed, dreadfully knowing the day is going to be long and tiring.
Take a look at me and you will know that the "work that provides sustenance" is now all just "whatever to bring the bacon home".
I sincerely hope that none of you are stuck in the choices you make in your life and have options to explore.
There will be better days, I keep telling myself. After much pondering and negotiation, I will be having 3 days of rest next week. It is only one more working day, I keep telling myself!
It's been a tough time, having a "boss" that is "otherwise inclined". It's been more difficult handling this than Boss. To me, I have one boss. I only have ONE boss. He is at home resting, getting well soon for more days to come at the Tower.
There's been so many events that I would love to document, but just didn't have the time and now it has slipped my mind. I know I should keep notes. However even my notes re work has been all over the place. Like me, and the display of zits on my face.
I managed to spend Monday with my mom as it was her birthday. It has been more than a month since I sat down with her (or my family) for a meal together. Over lunch, she exclaimed. "Oh my! You have such dark eye bags!!" It was the first time she saw me in daylight. I sat across from her with a lingering smile and knowing how much she appreciate having me with her for her birthday. I took her out shopping, bought her some stationary and a new watch.
The few days off will be spent with my in-laws. I said to my mom this morning via text message that I will leave tomorrow night after work. She called to say she will wait for me to get home tonight or she will never see me again for the next 3 or 4 days. Do I have the most amazing mom ever?
Everything has worked out great for me, except with the restrictions of this job. I am here, it's 10pm. It's Sundays and AXN has back to back episodes of CSIs beginning 9pm. I am close to giving up and nothing breaks me more than the thought that my Boss will have of me, if I do decide to leave. Over lunch with Qert a few days ago, I told him of my thoughts and plans. He brought Boss up in the conversation and I crystalised. One thing I never want to do is to disappoint my Boss.
If there's one thing he wants me to do, is to do my job right. He believes in me and has so much faith in me. That is the only thing holding me on to this.
The headaches, the heartaches, the frustration, the confusion, the fever, the bad throat, the Front Desk, everything... has had me half heartedly committed to this job. My mentor keep telling me to hang in there and everything is only temporary. He's been saying that since November last year. My patience has worn thin and I am getting thinner by the day.
Having faith in knowing that Boss is coming back and having faith in myself in knowing I can hang on till then is the only thing that gets me out of bed, dreadfully knowing the day is going to be long and tiring.
Take a look at me and you will know that the "work that provides sustenance" is now all just "whatever to bring the bacon home".
I sincerely hope that none of you are stuck in the choices you make in your life and have options to explore.
posted by Shine at 8/14/2005 09:53:00 PM
2 Comments:
how do you make a connection?
what are you looking for?
what are you searching for?
what are you waiting for?
the most important choices
are the ones we're afraid to make.
I am surprisesd you remember the 3 days theory... it is true indeed!!
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