Cold & Miserable...

My lobby has been cold and immensely empty. The same adjectives I would use to describe my life. My daily life, my routine.

My job has provided me sustenance. Is sustenance enough to keep me warm in this vast, massive space and "chilliness"? It's been a tiring week and I've gone home with nothing but a tired mind, even more tired feet and a broken spirit that needs to be renewed daily...

I've been going home to me, myself and I. The room mate's been on afternoon shift the entire month and will finally get back to day shift tomorrow onwards. You know what that means? It means that I will see more of him at home. I guarantee you I will get tired and with my state of fatigue and unrest, I will be picking fights.

I don't have the patience anymore to be nice, to be putting in the effort to make this work. Since this job, I've felt like I don't need a boyfriend. Like I don't need anyone.

I sent out an sms to Baby that reads, "On days like this, I know I don't need anyone." Days where I feel so self-sufficient, so busy, so all-important. When things needs me, when I feel the burden on my shoulders. When I am doing what I am paid to do....

When I'm missing out on a weekend gathering with the girls, when I'm missing out on F1 weekend, when I'm missing out on dinner with my parents, when I'm missing out on a day off, when I'm missing out on spending time with dad....

Why the heck am I choosing the job over everything else?!