A Really Bad Journal

This blog has been an absolute testimony on how my mind can take a vacation. Every 5 seconds.

Everything in 2005 screamed one thing. Okay, to be completely honest, two things. Work and.. pretty much.. one other person.

This year's blog, has had such a different turn. I almost couldn't figure out what happened along the way of Jan 2005, May 2005. I used to have so many wonderfuls. My De-Lovely album. Where is it now?! I don't even want to play it even with Alanis Morissette on it.

This, is a shit list. And I... can't take back what I've said before. And it's all right there. This is a really bad journal and I can't blink it away. And I don't want to. It was the crying in empty offices, it was the journey with my children, it was having Rooney for quiet talks, it was having crystals with the job, it was having text that reads "Keep your chin up and keep smiling", it was little simple things that seem so relevant to me. It's... all so me.


Define Everything.


I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here