THAT woman...
I have been reduced to being referred to as "That Woman" from "that" person of whom I have tendency to mispell "RETURN". Too many similar letters and vowels.
I abstain from using the comfortable 4-letter word with this person now. No, not the big baby. "The one who had breakfast". It's really amazing what people say to each other over the telephone, slams the call and frown. Then say the first thing that came to your head, to the people you're with.
Sudden burst of rage?
Believe you or me, the child needs to grow up. Be a gentleman. If you can say it, you can admit it. You who told me to be careful with other's hearts does not really know who's heart is in danger. I can guarantee you, and you can "take my word to the bank" that the child will come out of this unscathed.
There's so much I wanted to talk about. Yesterday, this morning, the Live 8 Concert, Chairwoman's first day ever in a medical leave in the history of her career with the JW, so many things to talk about and yet what I wanted to write about is how calm I am.
I remember feeling like the breath has been sucked out from me when I think about how my world would be without "the one who had breakfast". Today, my first bleeding day and yesterday, my first happy pill, I am surprisingly calm. What did I mention about being unscathed? Him only? Surely not.
I might be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
Would I be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation?
Would I be letting you win in my non reaction?
How would I explain?
How would I explain this to my children if I had them?
I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie
All the day and night time, hear me sigh
I never had the least notion
That I could fall with so much emotion
Could you coo, could you care?
For a lovely cottage, that we could share
The world will pardon my mush, coz I have got a crush, my baby on you...
That is two of my favourite and opposite performers telling me what to feel, what to do. And knowing this Shuffle... LOL. Guess what song played after that.... Alanis' Baba. If you are a person who relies on music big time for your moods, the Shuffle is a dangerous tool to have. Or of course if you were living on the dangerous path, the kind of music you choose to put into it plays an even more important part. I'm certain the Shuffle is a great tool, it's just my selection of music inside it that is giving me the problem.
It's been so many times I've said "goodbye" and yet it still aches. For someone who claims to be amazingly calm in this, thanks to Alanis, I am as predictable and as eratic as my heart beat. Surely and jumpily. Staccato Shine?
As I sat here thinking what else should go into this posting, I realise that I am still singing the same words, still humming the same tune, it is repetition. My life is one long Alanis song that wouldn't end. And yet that fuming angst in me will no longer accept this blog as my outlet for frustration.
I spoke to Boss the other day about having a proper channel for this frustration, he recommended sex. I know a great many who would second this. There's a problem with me. I'm shy to admit it... I cannot even find the right way to metaphore it to you. I will just skip it. This "problem" will stay with me and me alone.
I cannot speak further about this channel as my outlet for frustration.
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