Miserable...

I have been absolutely miserable.

I started the day badly, in fact, I started yesterday badly. No wait, I didn't start yesterday badly. It was what happened between 11.30 am to 10.30 pm that was bad. You know what they say, the higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment.

I just don't get it. Didn't I lay down my expectations right from the start? Why did I still let myself risk the disappointment? Because like the poster in Mulder's office, I Want To Believe...

I finally watched Chocolat yesterday, in the living room, with my sis and my mom (who always falls asleep when she is all geared to watch a movie)

JC was so sweet to drive by, to offer me a ride in the Jazz of my life. But me being me, mean as usual, I just didn't take up the offer and I didn't even have the courtesy to be nice to say that to him. Actually it was because my phone was charging in the room and the 3 ladies were lying on the floor of the living room.

I am truly sorry.

What is wrong with me? Besides the fact that I am bleeding?

This morning didn't start very well for me. Because I was up all night till approximately 2 am. Because I was so unsettled over the day, which was my off day.

I again gave The Man one of those looks, bright early in the morning. Till now he is ignoring me... If you saw the reaction on his face when he spotted my "sod-off-I-don't-care" look, you know he's going to blow a fuse with me. I owe him an apology.

But I know going to him would probably bring tears to my eyes coz it's that time of the month and I am very emotional over my job and my Boss.

I worry about work before work, at work and after work. There is nothing for me if not work. There is nothing more to me than work. It is only work. Work of which I have decided for myself that provides sustenance.

I will be back later to post a lyrics to a song from some time back...