Over promise and under deliver...

A lot of things are that way. That's why we tend to disappoint ourselves. And in this "hostility" industry that I am, a lot of things are already blown out of porportion for me to fix it back.

For someone who expect me to be the pinnacle of "re-finest" and exemplary, it was a shock when I received this text message while waiting for a lady upon departure. (I have been waiting for her since 7.30 am...)

It reads : "Ask her to hurry up lahhh"

And this man only started waiting for her in the past 10 minutes. Texting me across the lobby, with a frown larger than he is.

This was at 1.45 pm. The ordeal was finally over at 2.00 pm and I could catch a proper lunch. With a lunch companion that has been on standby since I texted him to have lunch together. It has to be at my convenience, not his, mine.

That's how things has always been to me. It has to be at my convenience or else I just strike it off. Everything is about me.

I once place CSI among my top few priorities. I struck that out already. It was due.
I missed one too many CSI episodes in a week that I cannot forgive myself or give myself excuses anymore. So I decided to just strike it off my list and not restrict myself with time.

I work at my own pace, no boundaries of time and eat properly. There is no way I want to be prescribed anti-anxiety pills and sleeping pills. I'm too young.

Today I sent out very specific text messages regarding what I expect of this person, and then I realised I instilled "work" into more aspects of my life. (How interesting is that?)
I've gone mad. I think the result of my work shows that I've gone mad.

Today I had a conversation with Ju about Rob Thomas. And has to verify facts with her that he in fact does exist. I have difficulties separating a lot of things from reality. (ie weird dreams, very very precise dreams about work details and people related to work)

Please pray for me. I know it's not my time yet. I just feel awfully close to losing my sanity...