Profound...

"Why is it that I always feel alone no matter how much I am reaching out?"

I could finally answer it later today. I wasn't reaching out. I was arms lenght-ing.
It feels like reaching out coz I was in a hazey doubtful feeling this morning. Very grey, very dazed...

My defensive mechanism was on full-force. I was undoubtly arms lenght-ing.

How many times have I let myself get here? How many times has it been, that I have been left alone in this slump? How many times have I count myself unlucky in a month? How many times have I been faced with these adversities and could look it in the eye and stare it down? How many times have I thought, someone, anyone could have done this job better than me? How many times have I angrily retort, "What? Do you want my job??!!" ? How many times have I given up on myself? How many times have I done this to myself and let me get away with it?


I was close to breaking down yesterday. If it wasn't for CSI at 9pm and 11pm, I would have been the primadonna in the crime scene. Death by the pink blade...


To you who remember my cloaking devise, it's malfunctioned. I'm here, I'm vulnerable. This is your chance to conquer me while I am at my weakest. If I don't die from it, then I will only grow stronger.

I need some TLC. Or, I need some acid dosage.

Remember the lady who sings my life.... ?

you found creative ways to distance

you hid away from much through humor

your choice of armor was your intellect

and so you felt and you're still here

and so you died and you're still standing

and so you softened and you're still safely in command

self protection was in times of true danger

your best defense to mistrust and be wary

surrendering a feat of unequalled measure

and I'm thrilled to let you in

overjoyed to be let in in kind