In Between

In between breaking fast, Chairwoman quick-texted me to make sure I was alright. She has been panicky since 6 ish. And I have kept thoughts of The Boys, because with them, life is so simple. There were no complications watching The Boys, watching the episodes.

It was not like Sex And The City, where Carrie always ends up .. silly and stupid. You know, stuff I could relate to. Watching The Boys, has nothing whatsoever to remind me of me. So it's simple and easy for me to deal with.

What Chairwoman asked me, got me thinking. And I gave her a straight answer.

"Is this what you want?"

No. It isn't. But I did it. Oily or not. I blew my chance and now I have to live with it.

And it all brings back to The Filth Element. He used to say to me that I had a lot of issues to deal with. And if I cannot forgive, just forget.

And I guess that's how The Filth Element dealt with The List. (eh, Gina?)

Each of us have our pace, and I pushed too much. And to forget, or forgive....

Boss with signature frown used to say to us, regret was the most difficult thing to live with. And I guess it was me speaking without thinking. Regardless what excuse I may have, it seems I have been selfish.

Time to ask myself : Why does it always have to be about you?