Happy Birthday, Chairwoman

Chairwoman is as Chairwoman does.

This time last year, we did our same old routine. Dinner at our pale place, me in my pale outfit. Again.

I was stupid enough to leave home without making sure I had enough battery on my mobile. And I was already out. I panicked, and called Chairwoman so she knew where to find me. I had to be somewhere close to the public phone and can be found.

The first thing she did when she saw me, was hug me. I was so lost. And she was so there with me.

We were out on a mission that day. I had to buy a pair of shoes. And Chairwoman loved to see me spend some money.

That's what we did. We went accessories shopping and bought a pair of slippers. Just Do It. And I did.

We went on to have a quiet dinner just the two of us. And shared a phone. She has this blinking thingy on her mobile. And everytime it vibrated with a text, we both held our breath.

Reminds me of my new best friend, she was always holding her breath when my second phone vibrated. She was afraid it was him. And I was afraid it wasn't. I could swear, if my new best friend had her way, she'd have thrown away that phone. Far away from me.

My new best friend saw me today. I got back to work today. I sat at the workstation next to hers and began checking my emails. She came up to me all smiles and welcome backs... and nice little words that normally would have be getting into trouble with her all over again. She had a way with her. And if she always had her way with her, she wouldn't have did what she did that made me stop talking to her.

I didn't speak to her. It pained me. I remember holding her, keeping her strong. And there is only so much I could do. The rest was up to her. I guess the rest is, up to her. I have yet to be able to forgive her and forgive me for my silence with her.

Yeah, I count my blessings everynight. I also count my sins everynight. And keeping mum with my new best friend, was one of the sins I want to move on with. I don't think she understood how important what she had to do was, to me. She was proving a point. How many people would take the first step she did.

Chairwoman and I spoke of consequences. We spoke of many things. We spoke of everything we've got. And I always make it a point to spend some time with her during her birthday. God knows how defined days like that are. I always wake up crying on my birthday.

And sometimes I know calling Chairwoman, would mean I will hear exactly what I want to. But instead, I always call Qert. And he will always say the right thing. Not the emotional things I needed to hear, but always the right thing.

A lot of consistent people in my life go away. Even the biggest fan of my life, JC. What-do-you-want-in-life-JC. Even JC. Even Jazz-of-my-life-JC.

I thought about JC when I was alone over the weekend. I have never met a person in my life that took so many pictures of me. I have never met a person in my life more obliging than JC. And it was so weird to be finding JC and Qert both at the same wedding dinner. Small world go smaller.

With Qert gone, with JC gone. Thank you for reminding me that I don't need a slap, I am strong enough to close my eyes for 3 seconds and tell myself that I can do it. I am strong enough to do it.

I could almost be monolouging Elliott in Be Cool. Bring It On.


Time to go home and sleep and wake up again for my team playing at 3 am.

-Updated 22nd June-